Why does it hurt so much when family members talk down to me?

[Slippers]

I live in the family home along with my 90-year-old mother. I work full time and have been working for the same company for almost 30 years. I have no children or independents, my father died when I was 5 years old. I am in my late 40’s and do not have a house or a mortgage to call my own.
Over the last couple of weeks, Mum has been to see a geriatrician doctor to see how Mums general health is. She will probably need a pace maker cause of a weak heart, but she is in okay health although she does forget things.
I have three sisters and they do worry about me, sometimes they can come over too strong, like they are shouting at me or talk down to me. During the week my sister rang me and told me the results of Mum’s test with the geriatrician, I was not upset with the result, though I did have a sleepless night thinking about the future.
It was suggested that I should see the bank on how much money they would lend me for a home deposit. I have almost no debt except $3000.00 owing on hearing aids I had to buy a year ago. I have bought my own car. I have been saving madly; I have a little over 11k in saving right now. I agree it is not a lot but it is better than nothing. I have contacted Aussie Homes Loans and I have contacted a financial advisor on the best course of action. I did not value money as a young adult and now I am paying for it so to speak.
I have not heard from either Aussie home loans or the financial advisor, so my anguish is sharply increasing.
Why does it hurt when my sisters talk to me in a serious tone of voice, I feel as I have been emotional damaged in the past and I had a deep wounds that have not healed. I know that I should’ve had more money behind me by now, but family shouted at me is going to stress me more than help and encourage me. I wonder whether they would still care for me once Mum has passed.
I had to share this; they say that a problem shared is a problem halved. I guess I am looking for advice on how I should go forward. If I were to tell me friends, this their attitude would be to take a spoonful of concrete and harden up

[Ggrand]

Hello Slippers,

I hope you’re doing as okay as you can...I am so pleased you shared your story..thank you so much...

Slippers, I wish I knew the answer to you’re question...When anyone talks down to me...It hurts la lot..but when family talks down to us...Maybe because we respect them, love them, care for them that it hurts so much more then strangers do it....I’m deeply sorry that’s happened to you...

You sound like a very caring and loving person....You’ve been caring for you’re elderly mother as well as working full time....That takes up a lot of time and energy...you should be so proud of yourself for being so caring of your mother........It warms my heart when I hear things like that......

Thats okay about not having a mortgage of your own...It’s not something that everyone has or even wants....It’s your choice if you want one or not.....No one else’s....it’s your life lovely Slipper..it’s your choice how..no one else has a right to tell you how to live.....or what to buy...don’t let your family push you into this if your not ready...

Please Dear Slippers, try hard not to let your sisters words hurt you..I know how hard that is to do...but please try..they haven’t lived your life, nor been through what you have been through.....I’m sorry that your family shouted at you..that’s so wrong...You don’t deserve that treatment at all....Family should support each other....be their for each other....

Slippers, sometimes we need help with past damage that’s been done to our soul...Is it okay if I can suggest talking to your GP..about how you’re feeling emotionally damaged from past/present events in your life....They can help you, by arranging a mental health Care Plan with a professional psychologist, that can you you in many different ways....I hope you will consider doing this...

I hope today is better then yesterday..Please talk here whenever your feeling up to it...We are here for you dear Slippers..

Kind thoughts..

Grandy..

[Slippers]

Thank you for your reply to my message.

So today, Mum is off to the doctors with my sister to discuss the results on Mum’s geriatrician test. Mum has been diagnosed with a low heartrate, so I understand that the doctor will suggest that Mum gets a pacemaker to help Mum have a better heartrate.
Whilst Mum is okay, I do not want to move out of home; I spoke to the bank over the weekend and asked them how much deposit I would need to have for a mortgage of a certain range. I have just over half the money they quoted but I do not have it all, it would be at least 8 to 12 months before I would have that amount of money.
I emailed my manager at work this morning; I was worried that my demeanour may be portrayed as being in a bad mood. I told my manager that I was scared, and that my thoughts and emotions were going in 20 different direction all at the same time. If anything I feel a bit numb; I have family pets and when Mum does die then they would probably need to be surrender, I do not know whether I would be able to take them with me. So I would be losing 4 family members in one go
The conversation I had with my sisters seemed so final, like I had to move out straight away (even though they didn’t say that themselves) . I realise that Mum isn’t going to live forever but as long as I can I would like to stay with her and my 3 cats.
Once Mum does pass, I have 6 months in the house before I have to leave the family home.
How can I tell my sisters that I do not want to move out straight away and while Mum has her health?

[Ggrand]

Hello Dear Slippers,

I hope so much that your mum will get the very best of help that’s available for her...

I can see what a really beautiful and caring person you are wanting to care for your mum..You are a very special person Slippers...

Do you know why your sisters won’t let you stay in your family home?..,I find it so unfair that they want you to leave so quick....

I’m sorry you may have to rehouse your beautiful fur babies..

About you wanting to buy your own place..That’s a great goal to head towards..I remember a few years ago, some landlords and home sellers give you the option to buy the home without a deposit..The deposit is included in your mortgage payments...not sure if this is still going, but maybe something for you to look into...Also it depends where you want to live as well..country houses are super cheap..unfortunately their is not much employment in the country....You’re doing well saving for your home deposit..I wish you all the luck in the world dear Slippers that things work out for you...

Well done ringing your manager and letting him/her know how your feeling and thinking..That takes a lot of courage to do that....

Talk anytime you feel up to it....We will do our best to support you as much as we can....

Take the best care of you that you can Dear Slippers..you’re a wonderful caring person....

My kindest and caring wishes for you..

Grandy..

[Wizard1]

Hi Slippers.

I'm terrible sorry to hear what you going through and it is a shame your sisters are not supportive of you since you've spent so much time looking after your mother.

I'm not sure if this will help or not but could you offer your sisters a "rent to buy" scheme? Instead of selling the home and splitting the money, you make down payments of both principle and interest to your sisters to overtime buy out their share. That way you don't need to get a loan from the bank, you should be able to negotiate a better rate from your sisters too than the banks, you can stay where you currently live and your sisters can earn an income from the payments you make to them. Of course your sisters will need to agree to the idea and it would be best you and your sisters talk to a lawyer about how to set it up.

Do a search on google with "rent to buy" if you want to know more.

I hope this helps.

Cheers
Wizard.

[Slippers]

So on Monday night after I went home I spoke to Mum and asked her how she went at the doctor and she said that she would need a chest x-ray to see how her heart is. I asked her whether she was telling me everything I needed to know about her health and she said that she was.

I asked my sister about moving out and what sort of time frame. She said that I misunderstood her, and that she wanted me to have a place now so that other people could move into and pay the mortgage so when mum does pass that part of the money owed would already be partly or fully paid
I guess I am worried about an unknown future and if I can stand on my two feet. I worry about where I am going to be living and whether I will have enough money to do so. I look at my immediate family and tell myself that they seem to doing okay.

I hate ruminating all the bad things, i have told myself of the good things I have done. Two come to minds, I organized my mothers 90 birthday at a restaurant all by myself, and recently after talking with my insurance company about my car policy i was able to reduce my yearly car insurance by over $300.00 a year. I seem to sleep okay at nights but I have been waking up an hour earlier than my alarm clock which is annoying.