When does normal stress/worry become anxiety

[Confused23]

I've always been a person that worries about a lot of things.  When I was in primary school I was terrified of natural disasters (honestly I still am) so much that I would randomly start crying in class and asked to skip lessons based on those topics.  In high school I started stressing about many different things like school work (I became a perfectionist), friends, germs/diseases, out of space (asteroids, black holes), war, terrorist attacks and school shootings and the my mum's health (she got breast cancer when I was in grade 9).  It got to a point where I felt sick all the time, couldn't concentrate on what was happening around me and I would have panic attacks where I couldn't breathe properly and felt like I needed to hide in a corner.  A few times I even considered self harm because I wanted to see if it would help.  So at the recommendation of my GP I went to a psychologist for about a year and I got better.  I learnt a lot of strategies and I stopped feeling anxious all the time.  


Now, 3-4 years later, I've found my anxiety starting to increase again.  I've figured out that it started to get worse when my sister came out as being bisexual about 6months ago.  Personally I don't have an issue with it but it was a very tense time in my house and I was very worried about what the effects of this would be for my sister and family. I started to have trouble getting to sleep some nights, craving approval from my parents and managers and getting really worried about things like natural disaster, war etc. like before. I've just sort of been plodding along, using my strategies and dealing with it.   

 But a week ago I went on a trip with a group from university to conservation work in Tasmania.  I was so so nervous about going on the trip because I hate flying (I normally feel sick the whole time and there's often tears) and I was worried about meeting all the people on the trip.  I got really frustrated with myself on the trip because I was so nervous about being around these new people that I wasn't myself.  A few times I caught myself saying in my head what I should have been saying out loud (like in group discussions) and I felt nervous every time I had to talk to people (I've never really had trouble talking to people before).  I kept wondering what everyone thought of me and stressing about the smallest things (like if they thought my clothes looked daggy or if they were judging me for having the biggest bag).   And from this I snowballed into other worries - like what if something really bad happened while I was away from my family (natural disaster, war, house fire, car crash).  After a few days it got better and I relaxed a lot more. 

 But it got me thinking, does everyone else feel like this?   

I don't know how much is a normal amount to worry about things.  I've just been putting up with this for years and I'm started to get really fed up with always worrying about things!! I'm starting to get really frustrated with myself too. 

I just don't know if this level of anxiety is normal or if it's something that could get better with some more help.  

[sos54]

Hi I think everyone is different when it comes to what is normal anxiety but I feel if it worries you or impacts your life then it never hurts to get help. I am sure my issues all started due to a build up of having to cope with stressful situations and one day it just broke. I think dealing with your mum's illness at that time of your life must have been extremely difficult and it is wonderful you did get support. Changes in your life can bring it all back and while as you say you you are ok with your sister's sexuality I imagine it still had an impact if it was tense at home. Sometimes all the little things just snowball together and put you back a bit. I think it is great you are aware of your problem and that you took the step to come here. You should be proud that you went on the trip given how stressful it was for you flying and during it. try to focus on the positives that came out of it as I am sure there would have been lots and yes I would say why not ask for some help you don't need to have this much anxiety.

[Confused23]

Thanks for the reply.  It really helps to get someone else's opinion, because I just keep going around and around in my head trying to sort it out.

I try not to let my anxiety stop me from doing anything (like with the trip) and i try to focus on the positives and balance the hard things with things that make me happy... but I'm just at the point where I don't think everyday things like driving, making an appointment over the phone, going to a new class at uni, catching the bus, meeting new people, seeing anything on tv about war, natural disasters etc. should be so hard.  So even though I don't have that constant worried feeling like I did in high school before I got some help, there are just so many triggers and things that are hard for me to do.  

[sos54]

I know exactly where you are as I am there too. I don't drive I let my hubby every time and while I could drive locally I don't at the moment and know I can't drive further. I don't go for walks by myself, don't catch a bus, don't go to the city and had to struggle for days to go to the hairdresser and to a dentist I am working up to going to a DR. You are right it shouldn't be so hard. When I get really low I don't want to answer the phone and have been known to not answer the door. I am very fortunate that I don't have to do any of those things as I have a wonderful supportive husband but in some ways that makes it worse. Keep trying to not let it beat you and get any support you can. Life is meant to be enjoyed and if you are not because of your worry it needs to change. You are seeing the signs just by it being hard so step in now and get whatever help you are comfortable with.I think everyone is different and personality types mean people like us are needed in the world as we have other value. I don't expect to be an extroverted person who can do everything by herself happily but we shouldn't accept that it will limit what we WANT to do. I like doing things with others but WANT to be able to go for a walk if I feel like it, You have a right to be able to deal with everyday life things without having to constantly feel stress. I am sending you a virtual hug and look forward to hearing of your steps forward.

[Confused23]

Thank you so much for your support :'D  At the moment my plans are to try some strategies myself (such as exercising more and writing down my thoughts so that I don't feel overwhelmed) to keep a handle on things.  If it gets worse I will most likely go and see someone, I'm also considering group sessions because I've found talking to others going through the same thing useful on here.  Recently I have also started opening up to my mum and sister more and gradually telling them more about my anxiety and I've found that it really helps just having them understand what I'm feeling because they can help me out with the hard stuff.  Again thankyou for your kind words and I hope that you also find a way to do the things you want 🙂

[sos54]

You are welcome. Your strategies sound great - writing is a great way of getting your thought out there. Are you interested in art drawing etc as art journalling can be extremely therapeutic - just google it. It is great that you are opening up to people close to you and hope they can become more and more supportive. Definately don't put off seeing someone if it gets too hard but to me you sound very strong and positive. 🙂