my battle

[daniel81]

Just when I think I'm coping, it has come back again. Anxiety. Debilitating anxiety that affects my life in so many negative ways. This all started when my first child was born. It was a long labour for my wife so I couldn't cope and my feelings of anxiety forced me to flee and leave her for a few hours to try and get some rest.

When my second child came along i feared the labour would last just as long as fell into a spell of anxiety & insomnia for about a week a few months before he was born. Of course, with after each birth the anxiety left. unfortunately my wife became depressed due to her inability to breast feed. But I was able to stay strong and support her. I even quit my job and took on the role of stay at home dad.this has been great.

I am studying to become a teacher via distance education and photographing the occasional wedding. Now, both these things have brought up my levels of anxiety to the point where I saw my gp and he prescribed me medication.

My first prac as a teacher was great. No anxiety and a great support teacher and class. My second prac was awful. I had just started medication so my body was adjusting. The class was not great and the teacher left me alone with them very early in the piece. She was not as supportive as my first associate and I didn't like her methods in the classroom. This caused me to have a bout of panic attacks and leave uni for a year. I began to feel better and coached my eldest boys soccer team to see if I still had the passion for teaching. Turns out I did so I re enrolled in uni and completed a few more subjects.

Now I am due to redo my prac and the anxiety has returned. Not much sleep, no energy, strange body sensations. I went back to my gp and he upped my dose of medication. I have lined up my prac with a friend from soccer and explained my situation re anxiety. He has been understanding and I am going to try and ease myself into the classroom again. I also get very nervous before photographing weddings. I manage to keep it together though and get through the day, albeit a little tired. Its so hard dealing with these feelings. I want to face my fears because I know I will do a good job both teaching and photographing.

I want to do the right thing for my wife as she may fall back into depression should I not recover. It would be so easy to just quit uni but I fear I will never forgive myself if I did. Nor would I recover completely living with that regret.

[JessF]

Hello Daniel, I'd like to say that while the anxiety coming back is certainly upsetting, distressing, uncomfortable, all those things, from reading your post I would say you are coping well in the sense that you are taking positive action. You are seeking help, you have good friends around you, you play sport, and you are involved in two lines of work that interest you even though they also form part of your anxiety. Do you get anxious at all when you play soccer?

You are doing the right thing for your wife, and I am sure that she recognises and loves you for the support you gave her during her period of depression.  Do you ever talk to her about your anxiety?