What’s it like to live a normal life?

[Autumn_]

Hi Everyone,

I’m having a down day and I was hoping to hear some positive stories to see there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

I was diagnosed with major depression a few years ago and have been doing counselling since. Recently, I have realised I have social anxiety and how much of a profound affect on my life. I know it sounds crazy to only realise this as an adult, however, I feel like it’s sometimes difficult to distinguish between shyness and social anxiety.

As a result of my anxiety, I find it difficult to socialise and make friends. I’ve been lonely for a very long time and crave intimate relationships. The few friends I do attract, seem to enjoy me because I’m a good listener. However, when I’m done (or even up) they seem to be nowhere to be found.

I think this also translates to my romantic relationships. Men have been interested in me, however, they only seem to enjoy being cared for while not really giving much in return. As a result, I end up in relationships where I do everything (cooking, cleaning - being the sole income earner) for far too long.

My therapist and I have talked about redirecting my caring nature to myself. I sometime think that would equate to leaving the relationships which are draining me. But it is very difficult to turn my back on the few social interactions I have.

So, basically I wanted to put some feelers out there to get perspective on whether the types of relationship I’m experiencing are normal. Do you have friends that you feel actually care for you? Partners that do the same? Does anyone have social anxiety and went on to have successful relationships?

Thanks a bunch. Have a good night 🙂

[missep123]

So many great responses in this thread! It's so nice to see!

Autumn. in terms of your question about small talk, you can always try the following topics:

- What do you like to do in your spare time/for fun?

- What kind of music do you listen to?

- What's your favourite movie?

- Do you have any pets?

I think that whatever your hobbies and interests are, you can try to tie them into the conversations!

[MidnightOil]

Hey Autumn.,

I definitely agree with these other replies. Once you get people talking the conversation will hopefully flow a bit more naturally but questions about pets and hobbies can be super interesting and are generally safe topics. I will add that in my personal experience (depending on the day) I usually go for one of two options:

- try starting up a conversation with someone who looks/sounds fairly out-going. This way it's more likely that they can carry the conversation a bit more so the pressure is off you a little.

- or sometimes I talk to someone who also looks a bit anxious because I know that they can relate and understand. Also they might appreciate someone else taking the first step.

In general, most people are actually really friendly once you start a conversation. You might not be friends right away but a positive interaction with a stranger can also go a long way for your confidence. Also this doesn't work for everyone but I tell myself "fake it 'til you make it" all the time in social situations. Often when I'm convinced that I'm being very awkward, as long as I keep smiling and keeping up the conversation, no one else notices that I'm not sure what I'm doing.

Everyone's different but I hope this helps!

[Autumn_]

Hi Missep and Midnight,

Thanks for the tips! I’m looking forward to trying them out once everything cools down with COVID.

I think sometimes people can tell I’m anxious and this makes it less easy to be around me. It sucks but hopefully one day I can get to the point where I’m comfortable in social settings.

Thanks again 🙂

[blondguy]

Hi Autumn

Excuse I for the late post. So many supportive posts above from members that understand your situation

I am very similar to yourself where the relationships and social anxiety is concerned....I used to fear being noticed as an anxious person too...I understand you there Autumn. I never had an issue starting a conversation yet with having 10 years of (untreated) anxiety attacks my relationships suffered as a result..My fault

There is nothing crazy about realising we have social anxiety as an adult at all!

Just an example...If I met someone tomorrow that 'seemed' to be super anxious...it wouldnt effect what I thought about them in anyway whatsoever

Great to have you as part of the Beyond Blue forum family Autumn 🙂

my kind thoughts

Paul