Trying to be brave

[Girlbond_007]

Hi everyone I am new to the forums here and want to share my story.

I started suffering bouts of anxiety and panic attacks when I was pre teen, now 20 years later it is getting to the point of ruining my quality of life and I am now experiencing my first real bout of depression. My mind constantly races and focuses on the things I dread happening in the future and now I have a toddler to add to the mix. I worry to excess about most things and cannot deal with change at all. Fairly certain I have some form of OCD with illnesses as well as having control of my life and situations. 

I am finding mornings the worst, waking early and having anxious/ depressive thoughts which don't seem to some what wear off as the day progresses. I work from home which I think is a god send at the moment as I think I would go nuts not having something else to occupy my brain. 

I am seeking help from a new GP and soon a new Psychologist. However I am very disappointed that no GP in the Ost has bothered to look into my anxiety further and just prescribed me the usual Ssri or snri drugs which I don't believe are helping much. My new gp has suggested mood enhancing drugs possibly with an antipsychotic which kind of freaks me out and I am wondering if anyone else is on a plan something like this.

i just want it all to go away and stop.

thanks for listening.

[Girlbond_007]

Hi Ci, 

I have an extremely supportive husband even though he doesn't quite understand the illness and a super supportive mother. I don't know where I would be without both of them. I have always been super independent And never ask for help if I need it because I guess I see it as a sign of weakness. I feel I may have pushed away some other family in doing this. I'm back to the go today to write up a mental health plan to get to the psychologist. 

 can you try to get to your go for help?

[ci]

Can't believe how much you sound like me. Great that your husband supportive mine to don't know what do without him same though doesn't fully understand but he tries.

Mum not so much. Pushed my friends and other family away same as you see as being weak to ask for help. Don't know about you but I can be frustrating like that hate to ask for help.

been to the gp and working on a treatment plan wish would have gone earlier. Good luck today it's a big step

[Girlbond_007]

Hi Ci,

i printed off the guide for carers from the resource section of this site for him which he is going to read. Maybe a good idea for you too or at least see if your hubby will read it online.

I really don't have friends, even ones from school years ago, I have one old family friend I have only just started catching up with who has two young children and has also been having a tough time. I have never been social and I out that down to my anxiety however when working in my office am such a bubbly happy person. Amazing how things can change so quickly. 

I come from a long line of strong matriarchs so must have inherited the gene and don't ask for help because I like to do it all on my own and have control over every situation.  Doesn't work out so well with kids!! I've had to learn to let go a bit which had been incredibly hard. 

i too wish I had of seen the GP earlier I feel the last three years of my child's life have been a blur and I have missed out, not planning to have another either. Officially been diagnosed today with GAD with depression. A new medication has been added to the antidepressant I am already taking in order to hopefully boost it and two Psychology appointments have been booked. I am quite relieved. Please keep in contact with me if you would like to. Hope you are on the way to recovery soon xx

[ci]

Girlbond007 hi thanks I will print that guide off for him he happy to read stuff and try and understand what best to do to help me. Printed off about 10 pages of ocd stuff few weeks ago to help him thought he'd just read the first page and put it down but he read more than me trying to understand what's going on with me helped heaps.

Hard to get official diagnosis I got mine couple weeks ago ocd but she saying   depression and panic disorder needs  to be added to  the list last week think she probably right but see what she says next week when have next app. Found it hard to get a label but a relief to know what wrong. Keep saying to my hubby any part of your body acceptable to develop a problem but people find hard to accept your brain can. 

It seems to be the way with anxiety issues that friendships can be hard to maintain even though I think it's a huge part of recovery support of friends and family doesn't seem fair.

I only ever had few friends at a time and found impossible to trust and lean on them but they gone now anyway life can get pretty lonely living with this your not the only one feeling that. 

Funny I have never been one for going out and being social either but same as you used to be a bubbly happy person miss that feel like an empty shell last few years. 

Hope the new meds help you and you can get back to feeling like you wouldn't wish this on anyone but have found it really comforting to hear not the only one muddling my way through all this xx

[Girlbond_007]

You too xo