Too much on my mind

[bug30]

Recently ive been having trouble sleeping. Its likea everything going on in my life plays on my mind when  im trying to sleep. Most nights I wake uo aboit 3 or 4 times. 

I feel like im not getting anywhere in life. Most of my friends are married and starting families and are constantly asking when me and my bf will be doing the same. We have discussed it but arent ready, we want to live our lives. But I feel as though im drifting fartjer and farther away from friends ive had for years because I wont conform and have a baby and because my boyfriend hasnt asked me to marry him. 

Im also having trouble at Work,  I dont enjoy my job anymore and want to study but cant give up my job because we will be broke and wont be able to afford anything with only one income so I feel as thought im trapped in this job until I can find something else. I have a boss who wont give me the time of day because she tries to tell me how to live my life and I wont listen.  She likes the girls who are married and atarting families.  She couldn't care less about what I do, which makes work unpleasant. Who wants to work in a place where you feel so unwelcome

It just feels like no matter what I do, I cant make new friends. We have lived in this new town for nearly 2 years and I do not have one person who I can contact to hang out with, I spend my days off at home alone cooking and cleaning. My closest friend is 4 hours away. This puts alot of strain on my relationship as my boyfriend seems to have no trouble making friends which makes me evwn more anxious. What is wrong with me? Why dont people like me? Why do people keep telling me how to live my life? Why do I feel like im failing and everything I put my mind too?

[gmc]

Hello, Bug30 and welcome to BB.

The fact that you are here is a big step and I am personally very happy happy for you to be here.

First of all, excuse my English, I am not a native speaker. 🙂

I may say I understand what you feel most of it I have been feeling and still feel it sometimes myself. Maybe the fact that you are not ok with what beeing told what to do comes with the fact that you were forced sometimes to do things that you didd't want? Of course it's just some supposition of mine as I don't know your story and I am personally not that good in giving this kind of advice, but the similarity of you story to mine makes me say so.

Bug30, have you tried to talk to your boyfriend? Does he know how you feel? What do you think about seeing a therapist? Have you considered this?

I strongly encourage you to keep posting here :). I'd really like to read more from you.

gmc

[geoff]

dear Bug, thanks for joining us on this site.

Goodness me these days all the old values of getting married and having children have all changed, now couples live together, and decide if and when they have children.

I know that the older generation, and this doesn't include me by the way, don't understand why this happens, but now times have changed, we have microwaves, computers and the list goes on, which many of them don't know how to work, and it will be no different when our children grow up, they will be asking their kids how to work something, so getting married these days is not a must, so you shouldn't be criticised at all.

I am only guessing but you maybe 30 years of age, but that doesn't matter, so when they condone you for living as they believe in sin, that's all rubbish, you are entitled to do whatever you feel like doing.

I wonder how many of these people are happy by being married.

As your boyfriend doesn't work then he will have plenty of time to find mates to hang out with, and by you working then it doesn't leave you much time to recover from work and then socialise.

Have you looked around for any other jobs that may suit you.

I also have a feeling that your relationship with your boyfriend is struggling a bit, as please correct me if I'm wrong.

The town you live in is it a small one or a largish one and this is the reason why you can't make any friends.

Hope that you can get back to us. L Geoff. x

[AGrace]

Hi Bug,

Not having (m)any friends can be challenging, especially when you're facing issues where you would like support. I hope you find that connecting to the forums here is like having numerous shoulders to lean on.

When I read your post the first thing that came to mind was prioritising. Youve raised a host of things you would like for your life. It could be a good idea to start one at a time. You may even find applying a solution to one in turn impacts another in a positive way.

So you would like to study. What are you thinking about studying? Is it something that's offered online? Is it something you can do part time so you can continue working?

You would like to make friends? Do your boyfriend's friends have partners? Have you tried getting involved in a group, perhaps via your local community centre? There are also a number of internet sites which offer social experiences with others who are looking to connect with people, they go for dinners, to the movies etc. Ive used these every time my work relocated me and I had to make new friends. Joining a gym class slso helped.

You also comment that you're not happy with your job. Have you been applying for any others? Perhaps by deciding what you want to study might stear you in the right direction of what kind of work you woul value doing.

As far as other' opinions of your lifestyle choices, I think continue to do whats right for you. It could simply be jealousy on their behalf thats causing the friction. Decide if its worth pursuing these relationships and seeking an alternate common interest that you can share with them besides marriage and children.

Good luck and keep us posted.

AGrace

[bug30]

Hi geoff

First of all thanks for your reply.

My boyfriend is infact working, but what I was trying to say was that if I gave up my full time job to study we would not have the money to keep going.

Grace - I am looking at studying tourism and hospitality as I love the industry and I want to do something dofferent exciting and fulfilling with my life. It jusr seems like a goal that is at the moment tk hard tl reach. But I know I can't stay in this job much longer.

Thank you everyone for your kind words and support. Its been hard to open up and talk about it and I really appreciate it.

Bug xx

We have thought about relocating to help the sotuation but it just seems everywhere we look there is very little appropriate work going which makes its hard. Im only im my mid 20s and feel like we should be living our lives and having fun rather than putting so much pressure on oir selves to havr the ultimate career and life. 

I find it hard when I look into extra curricular activites to get out and meey new people as most days I dont finish worl until6pm and start at around 7. I work 6 days one week and 4 days the next in a busy retail environment and juat feel like of I add anymore ill have no life left to have me time