Tired

[Weazel]

Alright, where to start. My doctor has diagnosed me with anxiety. I've had an uncomfortable feeling in my throat for a month or so now, pretty much constantly every day. It ranges from a lump at the top of my throat to feeling like somebody has their hands around my neck. I've also developed a phobia of food, well that's the only way I can describe it. I'm scared that I will have a reaction to what I eat, it will get stuck in my throat and I will choke so now I'm forcing myself to eat each day. I've lost 5kg in the last month.

My doctor thinks all of this is due to the stress of the last 12 months. My brother was killed last year in a car accident and my stepfather has stage 4 cancer. I also have an ex-husband who is very controlling in every aspect with my children plus his partner abusing me and telling me I'm a crap parent. I study at uni but I also work part time in the finance industry in a customer facing role. I've been off work for the past 2.5 weeks on stress leave following an incident where I got into an argument with a customer who was abusive and the customer loaded a formal complaint against me and I was threatened with loss of my job. It resulted in a formal warning but I haven't been able to go back to work.

My doctor has prescribed me some medication but I can't take it because I feel like I've failed myself for not being strong enough to cope with everything but also because I'm worried about having an allergic reaction (despite not being allergic to anything!)

I'm so tired of the constant daily battle to eat and do things. My house is a mess, i do washing and peg it out but then forget to bring it in for a couple of days. I'm so frustrated at being held back by myself but I don't know what to do to fix myself. If that makes sense? I used to be good at fixing situations but right now I'm scared and I can't fix me. I'm hoping somebody out there can relate and help me.

[Zeal]

Hey Weazel,

Welcome to the forum!

I'm truly sorry to hear about the sudden loss of your brother, and of the health battle your stepfather is facing. I'm very glad you are seeing your doctor about these physical and mental health concerns. Your ex-husband's controlling behaviour (plus his partner's) would definitely be adding to your anxiety. It's sad that some people have very little empathy or consideration for others. Are any of your close family members fully aware of the way they treat you? It's important to have someone to confide in, so that you can be supported emotionally.

I'm glad you still have your job to go back to. Studying at uni while working and raising kids sounds intensely busy (and stressful). Do you have family members who could help out sometimes, so that you could have even a little time to yourself? Personal time is important for your own wellbeing. Does your ex have joint custody, and look after your children for a few days a week? Even if you do get time without being the sole parent to children, that time may have been spent working and doing chores, and so isn't a 'break'. This is why having a family member come over to help you out would be great.

If it works with your budget, you could go to dinner or a movie with a friend (maybe once a fortnight, for instance), and pay for a babysitter to look after the kids. Alternatively, your children could have a sleepover at a close family member's home (or at a friend's). While being a mother isn't what is causing the anxiety, having this constant caring responsibility is tough when you are psychologically affected by traumatic incidents (brother's death) and other stressors. On top of this, you are suffering abuse from two people you presumably interact with semi-regularly.

Taking medication is in no way an indication of weakness. Sometimes it is essential, at least in the short-term. Unfortunately, there isn't a 'quick fix' for mental illness. If you'd like to learn more about anxiety and mental illness in general, Beyondblue has helpful resources, especially in Get support and The facts on the menu bar.

Here is an anxiety resource that could be a useful reference for you: http://www.cci.health.wa.gov.au/resources/infopax.cfm?Info_ID=46

It would be great to hear back from you!

Best wishes,

Zeal

[Croix]

Dear Weazel~

Welcome. Reading your words I feel you frustration, the fact that you can't fix it like you've fixed things in the past, uncertainty about the future. All a very frightening thing for you to go through. Feeling tired, not coping, everything you said in fact, it's all part of a pattern. And yes, you do make sense. Your account is pretty clear.

I really feel for you. In some ways you sound much like I did.

I've chronic anxiety, and have had depression, and other things, for a fair while. I'm in a good place, but it was help from outside, in the form of a medical team, meds, therapy, guided self-help and family support that put me where I am.

The things that have happened to you, with the death of your brother and your step-father's illness are pretty terrible. Add to that the toxic situation with your ex. A customer oriented job like a complaints desk or call center is a major stressor in itself. Then there's study on top. A huge burden.

I suspect if you had been in a good place with none of this on your shoulders you might even have been able to deal with that unreasonable customer without there being an incident.

Do you kids live with you? I don't think you mentioned.

All of this means you need outside help, just as I did. You made the first two steps. You've temporarily put one stressor -your job - to one side and have visited the doctor. Now you've stopped.

You simply have to get the help and go with it. Being told you have anxiety and leaving it at that with 2 weeks off is no real help at all.

Please write all this down at you leisure. Don't leave anything out, even if embarrassing or frightening, include the feelings in your throat and eating problems - that's important. Then book a long consultation with your doctor and hand over the paper. Why write it down? I found I could not give a good account and cover everything just by talking, many others are the same.

Then you can work together to have you get the medication you need, and possibly go further with a Health Plan and therapy. Depends what the doctor thinks.

It will be fine. I had equivalent problems, and they were put under control, not in 5 minutes, but I got there ok.

Do you have anyone you can look to for support? Partner, friend, parents - anyone? If so that can be a big help. I found I really needed that.

Look - I, and others here, would like to hear more from you. Please post again. You will be met with care and understanding.

Croix