Thought holidays were fun

[21e]

Hi, this is my frist time doing this, im not quite sure what to do but, yeah. 

Anyway, I had just finished semester 2 and was on a 3 week break, the first thing i get told when i get home is that my granddads cancer is back and they won't be a ble to stop it this time and he has 6 months at most left, so that was a great way to start the holidays, so my mum went up to Queensland to be with him before his operation to remove parts of the cancer out of his stomach so they can put a tube in but its a very dangerous surgery but if they don't put a tube in he can't eat( he can eat but the amount of cancer in his stomach makes him full really quickly). So anyway my mums been up in Queensland since about 2 weeks ago the surgerys been pushed back many times due to complications. So now we are just waiting. These holidays I've also been to a funeral of my best friends dad and my great Nan. I havent seen my Mum for like 2 weeks and i know she'll be home soon and shes up there for a reason, so ive sorta just been stuck in like a blackhole for a bit, And i know i just dumped alot on everyone and im sorry but i havent told any of my friends bc i don't wanna seem like im trying to draw attention to myself or anything and i can't talk to my dad bc my brothers going through alot at the moment with major anxiety and i know its hard for him to, but yeah. Im happy to chat to anyone, about anything, i was just hoping to talk to someone about what i feel and not feel like a burden on anyone, but ill talk about anything with anyone. Im a Huge AFL fan and love being creative and drawing 

[indigo22]

Hi 21e,

Welcome to the forum and thank you for reaching out to us.

You are dealing with a number of emotional issues at the moment so it's not surprising you are feeling low as a result. 

There is one thing I would like to make clear to you, and that is you are not a burden, you have some emotional conflict going on inside you and you need to express that in some way with someone you can trust.

Going to 2 funerals in a short space of time is tough to deal with on it's own, but you are also concerned for your grandfather and missing your mum. I would like to suggest that perhaps your mum is feeling a lot like you are at the moment and could probably use some comfort as well. Could you perhaps call her and ask if the two of you can carve out say 30 mins each day to connect with each other while she is away? It may not be possible each and every day depending on circumstances with your grandfather, but as often as you can.

If you have a close friend, I would suggest trying to talk about things. Perhaps starting with "I am going through a tough time with my emotions at the moment and I would really like someone to talk to about it". I also think you could use the same approach with your dad, even if your brother is going through a tough time, I think your dad would want to know if you were feeling unsettled.

When we are young we can tell ourselves stories about how we should try to be an adult and not burden anyone with our problems, I know because I did a similar thing when I was about 15 but it was not the decision I should have made as I have dealt with depression ever since. It is important to talk with someone about your feelings when you are young, mainly because you don't have enough life experiences to know how to process what you are feeling.

If you sure you don't want to talk to someone you know, I would suggest that apart from talking about things here on the forums, that you could also call the Kid's Helpline and talk to someone in real time 1800 551 800 available 24 hours up to 25 years old. Maybe put the number in your phone so you have access if or when you need it.

I would also suggest putting some time in something creative to take your mind off things for a while, that is another thing we have in common 😊

I hope this has been of some help and feel free to continue the conversation if you are comfortable.

Take care,

indigo

[ABC01]

Dear 21e,

I am sorry to hear you are going through such a difficult time. It isn’t any wonder that you are feeling so much. That is alot of stress for anyone to carry.

You specifically said “dumped alot on everyone”, but in honesty you haven’t. You are expressing your honest feelings. That can never be considered “dumping “. I think expressing your valid thoughts and opinions to your family and friends is a healthy thing. They may not be aware of how much you are struggling. I too have tried to stay silent in the past to not be a “burden” to everyone around me. However someone on the forums once said a very eye opening sentence to me. “Only that person can tell you if and when they have had enough.” So assuming you will overwhelm others,might not be the case. I understand the need to be sensitive about what others are experiencing too,but you are important to them.

You mentioned you liked drawing. An emotional outlet can be drawing, coloring in,sketching and painting. Perhaps a project maybe able to help distract you for awhile and even provide relaxation. Maybe an idea is something creative for your Mum,you can give her for when she returns home,just to say you loved and missed her.

 I hope you know,you are not alone. Please take care of yourself.

ABC01

[21e]

Thankyou, I spoke to my dad and it went well, my mum got home yesterday so i'm now able to talk to her in person as well, my grandads still not going great but im feeling a huge amount of weight lifted off my shoulders, honestly can't thankyou you enough, when i get into a negative headspace i find it quite hard to come up with ideas to help myself, so thankyou for helping me out, my Dad and i are closer than ever 

Thanks again, 

21e

[21e]

Thankyou so much for the support, i was able to put everything i was feeling into a drawing I'm really proud of, and wish i could figure out a way to show you what you helped me accomplish! 

i was able to draw a picture of a girl who was sitting and smiling with her friends and her nails are digging into her palms under the bench, but when you look at her eyes you can see the pain, sadness and struggle inside, i know it sounds quite sad but it was how i felt at the time, the pen often draws for the artist and expresses all feelings, i have sent it up to my mum in queensland, now that she's back home i think i wanna draw another version, a girl whos smiling, who you can tell has struggled but has found away through it, just need to figure out how to capture that all in a still picture.

I do find it quite hard to find something positive to do when im trapped in such a negative headspace and can't express enough how grateful i am for the support and ideas to help cope. 

Once again thankyou, 

21e

[indigo22]

Hi again 21e,

I am so pleased to hear that you found the courage to talk to your dad about things and that you are now closer as a result, that truly warms my heart. Glad too that you now have your mum back home to talk to. Your artwork sounds like a masterpiece of emotion transferred to the visual and I have no doubt the next one will be just as worthy of your pride.

Should you find yourself stuck again at any time, we will be here for you so please reach out when you need to.

You are most welcome and I am so proud of you for taking a leap of faith.

Take good care of yourself,

indigo