This is not a life worth living

Zmet · ‎18-07-2019

I don’t really know if this will make sense but I don’t feel like this is a life worth living. I’m currently 20 I live at home with my mum and two younger sisters. My parents divorced last year due to a very toxic relationship. I’m studying at the moment. Basically I feel like my whole life is a joke, I know I’m only 20 but I don’t feel like I can continue on. Ever since I was a child I’ve been very timid. Being in an abusive household and being bullied for most of my life has definitely contributed to that. My social anxiety has terribly impacted my life. I can’t keep a job because I’m too dumb and socially awkward. Now I can’t even get past the interview stage of a job because I can’t speak up and when I do I nervously shake or can’t get my words out. Sometimes even just approaching people is daunting to me. Most of the feedback I get on my assignments is that I need to talk more. I just wish I was normal and functioned properly. This is so painful. I feel like I’m so socially unaware. I can’t even hold a proper adult conversation. I have friends but a few. I was medicated for social anxiety and depression a couple of years ago but I stopped because I felt better. I also participated in counseling but to be honest it didn’t really help. My mother is also very spiritual and religious and thinks that spiritual healing will get rid of this but it hasn’t. She also believes in witchcraft and that the witches have messed up my brain since I was a kid. It’s really hard to open up about this to my parents because they have come from a background where they’ve suffered severe trauma incomparable to this. Now I feel like I’m in a dark place again and there’s no way of getting out.

Rubybleu · ‎18-07-2019

This IS a life worth living! Remember, this is only a moment in your life and it won’t be like this forever. Tomorrow is a new day.

It sounds like you really need to see your GP in relation to further help with medication and/or counseling. It doesn’t have to be this hard for you. You deserve that help.

When I was your age I was going through a very similar situation and did not seek help. This led to years of anxiety and stress that I shouldn’t of had to endure. And now I’m 34 and still struggling with anxiety and social anxiety issues but am actually seeking help. I feel like I wasted so much time in my youth keeping all my feelings to myself and maybe I could’ve helped myself years ago and not feel like I do today.

coal · ‎19-07-2019

hello Zmet, your ability to write is probably the best that I have seen and read. Your sentence formation and word flow is amazing. Find a good GP one who is understanding, see as many as you have to, to find one who cares and encourages you to take independant control of your health. Thats step one get your meds right and stay on them, then living with The Munsters will hardly even be an issue and in time your life will just flow as it should.

Bn · ‎20-07-2019

Hi hope you’re all doing well

i dont quite know what to start on so I’ll just say whatever that I have Anxiety across multiple areas.

Main one at the moment is due to the facts of researching the negative effects of the 5G network and what is being said when researching online tells us that it is simply just not worth living it through when the possible health effects range all the way to very severe

I really don’t know what to do now

Zmet · ‎05-08-2019

Hi it’s me again, obviously things haven’t gotten better, I’m in a horrible state right now I feel like I’ve hit a dead end. I feel like the only reason I’m alive right now is because I don’t want to hurt my loved ones, but in saying that suicide has been constantly in my mind. I’m just so useless I really don’t have a purpose here, and the reasons why I haven’t brought myself to see a GP is because my depression and anxiety has gotten that bad that I can’t bring myself to seek help. I’ve seeked professional help before a couple years ago and yet I’m here still a mess. It’s gotten to the point where I feel like I can’t be fixed. I’m really really screwed up there. Growing up I was bullied and one of the things people would call me was the r word and now I’m really starting to believe it. When I try talk to my friend about my dark thoughts I just get ignored and it makes me feel even more worse. I haven’t spoken to my mum about my thoughts because I don’t want to scare her. She also believes in witchcraft as opposed to mental health so it’s really a struggle. She is probably right tho I am probably cursed. I don’t know how long I can live this miserable life for. I don’t even know what to expect from posting this.

Here_I_am · ‎07-08-2019

Hi Zmet,

I can only imagine how things are feeling for you right now. It sounds like you're in a mental state of pain that would be impossible for anyone to make sense of and find their own way out of.

To that end, I really want to emphasize the value of reaching out to the people best placed to help us. You mentioned that you had previously worked with health professionals and that you ceased that process due to feeling better, but I want to suggest that the process might be more ongoing and part of our lifestyles than we perhaps care to admit - especially when feeling well! 🙂

Irregardless of previous experiences, what you're describing now is a new episode of both your life as a person, and as a person going through something. I wonder about the value of comparing 'now' to 'then', and whether their is any comparisons that can be drawn regarding whether it will help you now.

I hear you say that you feel you can't reach out - that's it's become too debilitating. How about making a call to a service like Beyond Blue (1300 22 4636) or any other number of services that specialise in talking things out? The Suicide Call Back Service is also available on 1300 659 467 - they offer crisis intervention and counselling.

Of course in more immediate crisis, 000 is always an option that should be considered.

The overarching value of these services is the real time response you will get, and I believe that will go a long way in helping. These forums are great, however their is the reality that you might wait a day or two or even longer for someone to respond.

I hope you choose to reach out to someone who is well placed to help.

Please let us know how you get on.

Talk soon.

acbn · ‎29-05-2023

Hi zmet, I landed here searching for help for myself and found your testimonials. You say things I can relate to. Only who has been there can understand what you are feeling, tho many try to help. I know sometimes you can feel trapped, but if you stick around you will get to live days that will make you glad you’re here. Maybe you haven’t got the right diagnosis, maybe there’s something very small you can do today to change your routine for the better. We need to be around people who understands us. Be careful with what you hear from your mom, she may have the best intentions but there’s a lot of ignorance around mental health issues and many times we end up feeling guilty for a condition or a state we didn’t choose. Don’t fall for the trap of trying to fit in, look for places where you’re welcome as you are. And remember that all this anxiety is making you feel and act in a different way, it’s like an overloaded system. Give yourself a chance to know a new you without depression. As I was thinking to myself, trying to find reasons worth living, I thought that if I could at least help others it would already be worth it. Hope you can find your reasons too.