The time has come to ask for some help..

[Curtis24]

Hello!

This is actually my first ever thread I have written on any forum so please bear with me.

I am 24 and from since the age of 17 I have suffered with anxiety & panic attacks. This was a very tough time and took over my life in my late teens. I used to have episodes of attacks at home and then my parents grew more concerned. As they didn't really understand what I was going through my dad put it down to me smoking weed (which I wasent). I moved out when I was 18 and was put on antidepressants. Thinking back now I struggle to remember how they made me feel but in 6 months I was off them. As the years went on I learnt to deal with the panic attacks and my anxiety was reduced although always there ready to pounce unexpectedly. When I was 22 I moved into my own place with my best friend, I loved the freedom and all the silly stuff we got up to, I was happy for the first time in a long time and my attacks seem to vanish and I started to go to the gym and be myself (I have always been skinny and I am very self conscious about my body). Then at the age of 23 I made a decision to travel, to date that decision is the best thing I have made. I started off in Singapore and did a loop from Malaysia through to Thailand, Laos, Cambodia & Vietnam. I then flew to India. Here I discovered meditation. I always wanted to do it but always found an excuse not to. I attended a week long Osho mediation in the hills of Rishikesh. It was amazing, I had never felt so at one and at peace with myself. I was a changed person and I loved how i felt. A few months after I ended up in Nepal and completed the Annapurna circuit, Incredible and I would recommend it to everyone! So after Nepal it was time to start heading to Australia, I stopped in Brisbane for a few weeks then took a spontaneous flight to Darwin, I could feel myself slowly slipping into my old ways and forgetting about the meditation i had done in India. After 6 months I flew to Perth after a few months I had found a job, but I wasent me, id become moody, anxious, tired and worst of all I was filled with horrible dread. So now here I am, The last 4 weeks has been well possibly the worst I have ever felt. No panic attacks instead has been replaced with depression. I cant begin to describe my feelings but its been very tough especially with my new job too. 4 days ago I was prescribed an antidepressant. I have come here for help so would love to hear from you. Thankyou

[Zeal]

Hi Curtis,

Welcome to the forum - everyone is welcome here :)

Unfortunately, your late teens and early twenties are often when mental illness strikes. I'm almost 22, and I have been well for about a year and a half now. I'm glad you weren't smoking weed. Drugs and alcohol can really fuel mental illness, and can become an incredibly dangerous coping mechanism. You seem to be in tune with how you are feeling. It's a great sign that you have the courage to post on this forum 🙂

The travelling you did sounds awesome. Is there a way you can incorporate mini meditations into your day? Even just choosing an activity to be mindful throughout is helpful. For example, you could do this in the shower by focusing on the way the water trickles over your skin, the feeling of shampooing your hair etc. The fact that you were able to tap into feelings of true contentment overseas, and learned the art of meditation, means you have the potential to experience calmness. The depression will make this very hard though.

Hopefully with the antidepressants you were just prescribed, and with appointments with your GP, you will improve. It sounds as if once you got back to Australia and realised you had to make big life decisions, you started to spiral downwards. Starting a new job is quite stressful and overwhelming for many people. After having rich cultural experiences overseas and having time off from work, coming back home and having to make new life decisions can cause an internal struggle.

It’s great that living with your best mate when you were 22 made you happy. Were you working or studying at the time? If you had a different job, perhaps that company or job position suited you better. It’s useful to ask yourself what factors lead to your contentment back then. Then you can reflect on what’s changed. From this, you can work out the cause/s of your unhappiness. This won’t necessarily alleviate your depression, but will help you to enjoy your life as best you can.

Make sure you keep taking your prescribed dose of antidepressants daily, and don’t stop taking them until you speak to your doctor. Even if you feel you reach a point where your depression seems to have dissipated or improved dramatically, you shouldn’t stop taking your antidepressants. Firstly, this can lead to a relapse, and second, you should ask for your GP’s advice beforehand. Sorry if you already know all this!

Good luck with overcoming your depression,

SM

[Doolhof]

Hi Curtis,

You have certainly been to some amazing places and had wonderful experiences while you were away. I think SM has hit the nail on the head for you. While you are away, without the pressure of having to work and with the freedom to do as you please, you are a totally different person. As are a lot of us when on holiday!

Having to come back to reality, work and have responsibilities can be tough. Can you find a meditation centre near you that you could join? Maybe there is a weekend retreat somewhere you could tap in to.

Have you returned to the gym? Have you managed to make any friends where you are right now that you can go out with? Do you have other interests and hobbies to keep you occupied when you are not at work?

Your Dr. will be wanting to keep an eye on you regarding your new medication, so speak to him or her and ask if they can offer you any other help and assistance for your depression.

Have you tried using the help phone lines or the webchat here at Beyond Blue? Sometimes chatting to a person helps.

I hope you can find some answers to the depression and learn new ways of making life feel better for yourself. From Mrs. Dools

[Curtis24]

SM thank you for your reply, how did you overcome depression? Was it through meds or something else?

I am trying to meditate everyday and really wanting to get back to the state of mind I was in Inida, its just I feel there are lots of modern day blockages. I will be returning back to Asia/India after my work is done here.

To be perfectly honest I have been on my meds now for just on a week, im feeling terrible. I got home late from Perth last night and could not sleep so took a tablet at around 3am (my alarm goes off at 4.50am) I didn't go to work and have been feeling really anxious all morning, I hve tried to meditate but the feeling is just too overwhelming. I have read that side effects do include feeling worse so do I just ride this out and wait or do you think I need to go back to the doctor? I always over think and today my mind is going crazy! If you took meds did you go through these feelings too? At this moment in time I am thinking of just quitting my job and leaving, I am also not eating very much, is this normal too? Sorry for all the questions but these feelings are very intense. 

[Curtis24]

Thankyou for your reply Mrs Dools, Yes you have hit the nail on the head also with the reality of coming back to working. I feel im struggling with this because I still have those Asia blues, and I keep telling myself the western lifestyle just is not me anymore. So when I complete my 5 months work I will return to Asia and maybe live somewhere for a while, but like I said above my meds have kicked in and im feeling very strange, anxious, confused and i am not eating very much, and being thin too is concerning me even more, do you have any advice on this?

I purchased some exercise equipment at the weekend so will be putting into use after I feel better from my meds.

I would love to join a meditation center but I live in a very small town so there arnt any here 😞

[Zeal]

Hi Curtis,

Thanks for responding - it's always nice to hear back 🙂

Anxiety was my main issue. I've had mild to moderate depression in the past, but my OCD and eating disorder caused me to be really unwell. I still have mild OCD now.

If you are not eating much and concerned about being too thin, you should talk to your doctor. If you are underweight, your sleep patterns can be affected, you'll get fatigued more easily, have difficulties concentrating, may have hormone fluctuations, and so on. To assess whether you are underweight,  enter your height (in cm) and weight (in kg) in a BMI (Body Mass Index) online calculator. There are separate ones for men and women, and reliables calculators can be found on government and national health websites.

If you are just a few kilograms underweight, try to eat more energy dense foods. Even if you are in a healthy weight range, a loss of appetite is still an issue. If you are not consuming adequate nutrients, your mood and energy levels will be negatively affected.

It's common to feel unwell/have side effects when you first start taking medication such as antidepressants. It can take several weeks for your body to adjust. Sometimes patients need to try an alternative version of the medication before they see any improvements in their condition. If the way you are feeling is worse than how you felt during a depressive episode, or really concerns you, seeing your doctor is a good idea. It's possible that the medication is only part of the reason for how you are feeling. Perhaps your sleep has been inadequate lately, or you have a more intense workload. It can be hard to isolate factors such as these.

I have been on the same type/dose of antidepressant for over two years now. I am much happier than I've been in a long time, and my OCD symptoms are manageable. I don't have depression anymore, and was prescribed my antidepressants for OCD and serotonin deficiency. Talk to your doctor about the causes of your depression and anxiety.

What helped me become mentally stronger is having a goal. I'm studying psychology now, which really interests me. Ask yourself if you feel secure in your job. This isn't easy, as depression makes it difficult to differentiate between the effects of the condition and your own feelings and inclinations. Before quitting your job, consider alternative ways of coping. For example, could you work less days per week?

Good luck, and feel free to reply again,

SM

[stayingsane]

hi there curtis.

im sorry for what you are going through. my anxiety is sky high at present and has been for a few months i reckon. 

a few parallels with your experience: i was in tanzania volunteering for 3 months and came home in november, back to: no job, living with my parents, etc. it is hugely hard to come home. i think i was someone else when i was in africa. but coming home is very difficult. i did get a job, but im now on leave as can't function at present. so, new job stress too. i can relate. 

 i hope you, and i, can work this stuff out. 

[Doolhof]

Hi Curtis,

Thanks for getting back to me. SM has given you some wonderful suggestions and information, so that has helped you.

I have recently started a new anti depressant medication myself and have been a bit up and down emotionally and energy level wise. I'm feeling quite lethargic and unenthusiastic about things, and hope as time goes on I will adjust to the medication and get back into my usual activities again enthusiastically.

If you are unsure about how you are progressing, then yes, go and see your Dr. again. Sometimes just the sense of reassurance that everything is going as expected is a benefit.

Are there meditation sessions on line that you can look into? Is it possible for you to locate a weekend meditation centre you could visit monthly for a recharge? My peaceful place is the beach. I feel refreshed after I have been there.

Regarding your weight, try to eat small meals often if possible. Not always easy when you are working, but a small intake of food regularly will help you body to keep functioning well.

Life is a journey, depression adds twists and turns, like a mountain road, we just have to keep on climbing until we reach the summit!

Cheers for now from Mrs. Dools