the devil in me

[Ajames]

Hi, first posting so here goes. Just started a new job, more responsibility than ever before, but its the job I've always wanted. I'm middle aged but late to the industry (financial services). New job is new everything - new people, new systems, new software. Have always suffered from anxiety on a low level, I'd call it trivial really compared to what other people have to deal with. Also have aspergers traits but diagnosed as not having it. My father died earlier this year so I'm thinking that was the catalyst for what is happening now.

First 2 days at new work was quite traumatic mentally. Crushing anxiety on both days before work, driving to work and first few hours there, involving heart racing, nervous sweating, mental & physical revulsion of actually turning up at my new workplace. People at work are very nice, no problems there. Now its Sunday, had a worry free day yesterday but now its creeping back in for work tomorrow.

And of course it annoys me that I'm not like most other people seem to be, especially others my age, in that they seem to be generally mature and worry free, even though I don't know that for sure.

I have a supportive wife but she has her own issues, and 2 grown up boys but they are struggling with life a bit too, no jobs at the moment.

I have a need (for myself more than anything / anyone else) to succeed in this new job but I'm worried (again) that I won't be able to because of my anxiety. Have wanted to post something like this on facebook etc but haven't had the nerve, most people my age & older would not really understand, they would have the "oh just get on with it" mentality, and its not something I would feel able to discuss with mates, guys aren't supposed to feel like this are they?

[white knight]

Hi Ajames

You can open up here. Freedom.

Give it a couple of weeks. You're being too hard on yourself. Take your wife out fir dinner and discuss your anxiety with her. See a GP for some help. It could come in the form of temporary meds.

Soetimes we just need a helping hand to rise over the bar

Google

Topic: running around trying to save the world- beyondblue

Topic: seeking the origins of anxiety- beyondblue

Topic: anxiety, how I eliminated it- beyondblue

Tony WK

Tony WK

[White_Rose]

Hello Ajames

Welcome to Beyond Blue. Good move to write in here rather than FB. This is a safe place to talk and your anonymity is assured.

So new job and you're nervous. Well I was always nervous going to a new job. The last job I had I phoned in the first and told them I had the 'flu. It was true but I felt very stupid. Had three days off then went in and the next week had Monday and Tuesday off. What a great way to make an impression.

It's quite normal to be concerned or nervous because everyone else knows the routines and you don't. I think you will settle down in a week or so.

When we look at other people we generally see what they want us to see. Usually it's a self-possessed one who know what he/she is doing and has no cares. In reality each person is wearing a mask and hoping no one finds out.Try not to evaluate people or compare yourself to others. It's invariably going to make you feel like an idiot and I doubt that's true of you, otherwise you would not have been offered your new job.

Have you tried Mindfulness or Meditation? It can help you to feel relaxed and confident but more importantly it helps let the real you take charge and do what is necessary. Although I have not tried it, the people here recommend an app called Smiling Mind which you can download from the app store. It can help manage the day-to-day nervousness you feel and it also works for more long term benefits.

Sometimes it is good to share your difficulties with your partner. You say she has her own issues but I wonder if it would be helpful to both of you to share the things that bother you and get/give mutual support.

Love to hear from you again.

Mary

[Ajames]

Thank you white knight & White Rose, much appreciated. I will do some research in due course and look at what you have recommended here. Will check back with you in a few days, here's hoping I will be a bit calmer as the days go on