Teachers with OCD

[Sav13]

I am a primary school teacher and believe I have OCD. I would love to hear from other teachers who also have OCD. As teachers, we often joke about OCD being a requisite for the job, as the job involves routines and being very organised etc. I am currently taking anti-depressants. I have been teaching for 26 years, but in the last 5 years the job has become increasingly stressful due to the increased demands since the new Australian Curriculum came in. Before then I loved my job but now I am anxious and stressed most of the time. To cope, I have become increasingly obsessive about a number of things. I feel like this is my way to control things, as my job is now out of my control. So I was just wanting to hear experiences from other teachers and any tips which could help.

[Guest_125]

I'm a teacher but not sure. I don't know enough about the condition. Internet quizzes tell me I do but not sure they count for much. I definitely have some anxiety though, and have heard some of my colleagues say they think they have a touch of OCD! The curriculum changed while I was still studying, but I definitely think the workload in teaching can be very unwieldly at times. There seems to be much that needs to be done that I feel gets in the way of doing what I really want to dedicate my time to - just good old planning, teaching and assessing. I am pretty low on tips, sorry. I am still trying to work it all out myself. Going to try some daily meditation next term first thing in the morn to help me prepare for the day though. The Headspace app has some audios that I have started using.

[geoff]

hello Sav, I'm not a teacher, but respect what you are saying, as I've also had OCD for a number of years,and being a primary teacher the class would be young and may not even know what you are doing, unless it's shown to them, such as walking to the door and back several times as an example.
Each one of us have our own type of habits/rituals which we have to do, to other people who don't have it can never work out why it's something we have to do, but then can someone stop having a sneeze, no, it's something they need to do, same principle.
Don't feel obsessed, it's an illness you have, I have been in many public jobs and learnt how to cope with it, this is something you need to teach yourself, because you're not only going to have it now but in many years.
Accept what you have to do, you are no different than anyone else, you can still do what you have to and remember other people have their own problems, and I don't take OCD as being anything else rather than something we learn to cope with.
I have accepted whatever I do and will not take anyone saying that I am weaker than they are, but now they don't, because I hide everything I need to do, no one can see me doing them, even my psychologist I asked her one day if she knew I was doing them, but she said she didn't see anything.
Practice on something that you consider as being a small habit/ritual, and do it when people are around, but when they look away then do it, that's how I learned, you can as well, take your time, and hope to hear back from you. Geoff.

[Sav13]

As a teacher, I am so overwhelmed by the job and feel I no longer have autonomy, freedom of thought and the ability to use my own strengths and creativity. We are told what to teach (the curriculum) but also how to teach it, right down to lessons already prepared we must follow. And what's worse is, they come in to observe and critique your lessons to make sure you are teaching the way they want you to teach. It is now very prescriptive. I no longer have job satisfaction and just do what I'm told. So what has occurred is that now I control every aspect of my personal life, because that is something I do have a say in. I have become obsessed with cleaning etc. My home jobs are all written down and scheduled daily, weekly, fortnightly etc. I must have a clean, meticulous house, as this gives me satisfaction. At school, the classroom has to be neat and tidy. The children know I don't like mess and and they now automatically know what to do. I don't like to do activities like art which get messy, so unfortunately my kids miss out on art. I am frequently just tidying the room during the day. I also check emails every few minutes and use my laptop a lot, mostly obsessively checking emails. The kids have noticed, but I just say I am organising lessons, but a lot of the time I am organising my home cleaning. I hate any changes to school routines. I am so stuck in the way I do things. The cleaners have told me they love cleaning my room because there's not much to do, but they don't know the real reason. I keep all this hidden. I have developed increasing anxiety when the principal has to observe me teach. It got to the point where I refused to do it, so the principal arranged a meeting with a union rep and basically I was reprimanded. The matter was referred to the ethical unit in the department. I have reduced to working 4 days on medical orders, they know I am struggling, but instead of support I get reprimanded. My principal does not know the full details of the illness, which is my right not to disclose. So I feel she is punishing me because I am not disclosing everything. I don't want to reveal everything, because I feel she will discriminate me. Although in this day and age mental illness has gained a lot more understanding, I do not trust my principal. I know my problem would be better if I requested to move school, but this freaks me out to go to a new place, I know my anxiety will go through the roof.

[geoff]

hi Sav, you don't have to justify to me how you feel or how your day is planned out, nor do you have explain the cleaning at home and in your class room, it goes without saying I know.
Can someone else replace you for art but done somewhere away from your classroom, and as much as you don't particularly like the principle, I feel as though you need to talk with her explaining that you have OCD, if she accepts this and then alters how this is done that's good, but if she doesn't then decide what you want to do, I know this is something you don't want to do, perhaps put in a complaint to the education department instead.
If she reprimands you or punishes you in any other way then that's bullying and needs to be reported at www.education.vic.gov.au, and if this happened to me with OCD I would have no trouble doing so.
I also hate changes to routines, it puts us out of sic, but in you're situation where you need the help, and to move, well I'm the same, I hate it.
There's something I can't get my hands on at the moment, it's at the back of my mind but I can't think of what it is, give me some time. Geoff.

[Sav13]

Thanks Geoff. I have not been officially diagnosed with OCD but the more I read about it and listen to people's stories on online forums, the more I can see that I have it. I have kept my illness to myself not even my immediate family know that I am taking anti-depressants because I don't want to worry them and plus they are very anti-doctors. I have been struggling alone for years. Only is recent times that mental illness has come into consciousness that I have started to consider that I should open up. I have only recently started seeing a psychologist. How do I go about getting a diagnosis? Is it a long process? Yes, I feel must be honest with the principal, because then she cannot ignore my condition if I have something in writing. She is just so not liked in our school, so I am not the only one to have been mistreated. However, she is very clever and will not push matters over the line to the point of doing something unethical. Regarding the OCD, do you find it causes fatigue? I am so tired because my life has to be so micro-managed, I am going to bed at 7:00pm so therefore don't have a social life. I had an iron deficiency but medication has improved it, but the fatigue has not. I also am taking meds for B12. But I really think the OCD is making me so tired. I have only been like this for a few years but its getting worse. I think I will get the OCD diagnosed and then come clean with the principal.

[geoff]

hi Sav, I was just about to log off and will after I reply to you, because I'm tired but because it's an OCD post then I can just hang on for a bit longer.
There is an online test for OCD so if can google 'ocd test online'then it might let you know, and I also don't have a social life, that ended a long time ago.
With your diagnosis simply tell your psychologist that you believe you do have have OCD and as soon as you tell them about your constant cleaning and needing to organise everything, simply because that's what you have to do, it's obvious that they will give you this diagnosis of having OCD, if they don't then let me know, and although I'm not a doctor it's so easy for me to say you have it. Geoff.

[Petal3]

A teachers job is never done Sav. I am hearing you! The last five years things have just gone completely crazy in teaching. It is so hard to do the job properly and enjoy the kids. The kids and parents are much more entitled and demanding. The curriculum is too full and the school day is full of busy stuff that takes away from teaching and learning. I think you need to do a truck load of letting go - you cant micromanage a classroom and that is probably why you are feeling overwhelmed. Be organised, do the job as best you can in the time you have and then walk out of there and let it go. Easier said than done especially if you are a committed teacher. If you dont start to let go you will have to leave teaching. It is a tough job and certainly not as enjoyable or rewarding as it used to be. I hope you feel better soon.

[Sav13]

Thanks Petal great to hear from another teacher! Yes it is easier said than done, I wish I was just an easy-going, chilled person but it's just not my make-up. I would leave teaching but can't afford to, even though I know it's making me unwell. I have also turned 50, so I can see retirement at the end of the tunnel, so am trying to hang on, accumulate my QSuper and then adios! I never wanted it to just become a job, if only the power-brokers could listen to us teachers at the coal face. We are all holding out that the principal may move to another school, as we know it will be a totally different place.

[Sav13]

Here are some of the things I do at school which is the tip of the iceberg -
1. Computers – check work/personal emails multiple times per day (up to 50 times) – afraid of missing info and not completing a work task. Use computers a lot, clicking the mouse seems to relax me. Enjoy doing computer tasks, preferred job would be computer based.
2. Clothes – decide which clothes to wear for each day of the week
3. Classroom is organised, everything has its place, children are drilled how to keep it tidy. Missing belongings when another teacher takes the class, or things not in their place makes me agro.
4. Toilet – go at start of lunch break before getting held up by queues and therefore wasting time when I should be doing school work.
5. Technology – get extremely anxious if printers/photocopies are not working and therefore have to take time preparing something else
6. Avoiding work colleagues to prevent chatting and therefore wasting work time, don't go to the staffroom
7. Symmetry – things must be straight, not crooked
8. Principal observing lessons – problem sleeping the night before, constipation, picking sores, driving early in morning before going to school on day of observation
9. Bookwork – don’t like kids cutting sheets to glue into books, crooked, messy, takes too much time.
10. Bookshelves – tidy as walk by