Symptomatic 24/7

[anxiousqueen]

Hi all!

I'm new to this space and am really struggling in life lately, so i thought I'd dive straight into sharing a bit of something tonight!

The past 2 months have been intense for me medically. I am anaemic, i am in chronic pain and i am currently awaiting a diagnosis for an auto immune disorder as my white blood cells are also low.

This past week has hit me especially hard. My Grandma's health is on the decline and i have past trauma when it comes to such a thing -> I watched my Grandpa suffer for 6 years with ill health and then i had a pet whom took ill as well. Both are no longer with me.

My response to this current situation with my Grandma has me super on edge all the time! My Mum is my Grandma's carer, so every time her phone starts ringing I expect it to be something bad!!

I now can't find a way to calm down at all! I keep clenching my teeth, i am tachycardic all the time, i have digestive pains and can barely eat due to being so wound up.. in the past 2 days i keep having bad dizzy spells..

I just haven't felt like myself in the longest time overall and it scares me but this also triggers my depression to feel as i do, both in my body and my mind all the time.

The fatigue i feel is so bad as i write this!

I'm currently early into a work break that i allowed myself to take (i do content creating online). I just don't like doing anything when i constantly feel no good emotions. I was so long overdue for this break too. I just kept pushing but nothing was (and nothing currently is) making me feel any better. Or rather i feel like what would usually brighten me up, is just stressing me out instead!

So here i am writing this as i quite honestly just feel like i need to let this out. I do see my doctor again in a week's time, so we'll see how things go from there.

In the meantime (and beyond) i do hope to check back here and interact with you all on other parts of this forum too.

I thank you so much in advance for taking your time to even read this post! I really appreciate it!

~ anxiousqueen

[romantic_thi3f]

Hi anxiousqueen,

Welcome to the forums! I'm glad you decided to join us. Especially glad that you have joined us in an intentional work break (self-care for the win). So important.

I'm sorry to hear about what's been happening for you; each thing alone is very overwhelming and yet you're having to battle them all at once. It's no wonder that it's causing so much stress and trauma.

If it's any help at all, I was going through a similar thing when my grandpa had dementia. He was extremely unwell and while he did stay with us for a while, after he moved every call made us so anxious. My cousin was also unwell at the time so while it's not the same as you, it was really a terrible mix of things at once.

It's really hard too because while I don't doubt all of your symptoms are genuine, I wonder how much of it is stress related, which I imagine is super complex but hopefully optimistic in some small way because it means it won't last forever.

Feel free to let us know how we can be here for you.

Hope this helps

rt

[The_Bro]

Hi there AnxiousQueen and welcome to our forum.

It has taken courage to reach out and detail the emotions you are feeling so accurately.

Your situation is indeed full of opportunities for bad news and I can't blame you for being on edge.

Maybe a regular 'Reset' would help? There are heaps of ways this can be tried - do you mind if I suggest only two?

The first is what I call a 'Body Part Reset'. It only takes a few minutes. Just sit in your chair or lie down, then start focussing on one part of your body at a time. Breathe very deeply. First your toes. Wiggle them a little and feel the way they work one by one. Then the soles of your feet. Feel their weight on the floor and move them a little. Then rotate you ankles and feel the sensation. Clear your mind so this is all you are thinking about.

Get the method? By the time you have moved to the top of your head you will have given every body part a work over and should feel very much in touch with your body. Don't hurry the process and breath into it with purpose.

The second 'Reset' is to focus on something you really enjoy and the positive feelings it gave you. If you don't have an activity you enjoy, it will help to get one. Reading, walking, swimming, gym, etc etc. Physical activities are better as they release endorphins which are our 'feel good' body drugs. Even better if you can do an activity with friends as laughter is also a great medicine. Hoping that some of the above activities are doable given the physical issues you have mentioned.

Of course these two 'Resets' are very simple but it feels like your mind needs a break from the issues that feed your anxiety.

All the very best with the above AnxiousQueen.

I am very happy to discuss further any time.

Bye for now, The Bro

[anxiousqueen]

Hi rt,

I am teary eyed reading your kind words of support. Thank you so much for sharing your personal experiences with me as well. I'm so sorry that you've experienced similar with loved ones being unwell. It's a super hard thing to have to go through.

Yes! This is what I'm battling with the most right now -> I'm doubting myself when it comes to what I'm feeling symptomatically. However i know the cause of my symptoms can't be purely stress or anxiety related, as when i have been calmer my health issues were still acting up. However i do know for a fact that they have been worse or at least relentless since my Grandma's health has become worse.

I feel like I'm in an impossible spot at the moment but thank you again for your words rt, they mean the world to me. Plus it's really nice to be able to interact with people who truly understand.

~ anxiousqueen

[anxiousqueen]

Hi The Bro, thank your for your kind words and helpful suggestions!

The Body Part Reset reminds me of Progressive Muscle Relaxation, which i have done in the past. Funnily enough my Mum gifted me a lovely pink yoga mat today, so i could very well give this technique a try on my new mat!

My Mum also gifted me a workbook today that is centered around finding calm. So reading/writing is about to become my new thing (or re-discovered) activity as i continue taking a break from my work.

I agree that physical activity is/can be one of the most helpful activities. I initially felt better after working out yesterday morning. However due to my high pulse rate i ended up feeling more unwell.

Thank you again for your suggestions! I'll do what i can and will see how i get on.

~ anxiousqueen

[The_Bro]

Good on you Anxiousqueen, and thanks for your reply.

Its fantastic to see your Mum so supportive, family is everything. Be sure to give that yoga mat and work book plenty of use!

Best regards, The Bro

[Monty-Finn]

Hi AnxiousQueen.

goodness. The mental load that you are carrying is quite a big one. It is no wonder that you are going through the feelings of tension that you describe so well. I was my mum's carer during her cancer journey for a number of years. I can relate to the 'what if' planning and the tension (and impact on the body) that goes along with it.

I was trying to prepare myself for one million eventualities (which is A LOT for the brain to do). whenever I was just 'in the moment' it was better. I could manage the next minute. the next five minutes. Maybe, you could try to bring yourself into the present moment when you are feeling overwhelmed. as mentioned above, a mindfulness exercise or meditation can be great help to do that.

if you are at all like me... I couldn't stop / take a break - for 'me' when there were bigger problems I needed to worry about. a friend introduced me to a 'one minute' meditation. One minute - seemed possible!

you can google 2 minute meditations. 5 minutes even. My first few attempts at a 10 minute meditation were hopeless. I didn't feel like I could let go for that long. but - doing a couple short ones, trains the brain and the body what 'less stress' feels like. Then it gets easier to get back to that state.

I really hope this helps. I also want you to know that you feel as you do because you care - and I hope reading this, brings a little smile. It's so brave of you to be resourceful to find the forums here and write. Good on you.

All the best 🙂