Stuck in Anxiety

[Sam42]

I have had some problems with overwhelming and crippling feelings of anxiety and not coping with stress for several years now. A lot of the time I just live with the slightly-sick anxious feeling, with it flaring up at different times. It leaves me tired, with headaches, unfocused and scattered. At 20 years old I feel as though my anxiety is getting worse, being unfocused and unmotivated and then feeling guilty about it makes it a huge struggle for to get anything done or be self-disciplined. University is one of my biggest struggles right now, I can barely manage my work, but I feel I have no alternative and feel incredibly stuck. I have no job, I have never had a proper job, and the thought of having one qives me anxiety attacks.
I do not know where the anxiety comes from, I feel anxious about a lot of things, but it's not always the same, some days I might feel really anxious and sick and afraid just driving to the local shops, and the next day not have nearly as much as a problem with it, but I'm always anxious at the thought of driving. I'd rather never drive again. Generally I am always anxiety, I just feel anxious and tired without reason, and at times very fearful and anxious for reason that I cannot explain/don't understand. Often my anxiety is like a psychical barrier that stops me from doing things.

Because I never really felt like I could talk to either of my parents about it growing up and now, I mostly suffered and beared it in silence. On and off for ages I wondered if there was actually something wrong with me or not. I don't believe my parents think there is anything wrong with me and nor do they want to hear about it. Now, the thought of talking to them almost and sometimes does give me a anxiety attack.

The best way I could actually cope with things, especially towards the end of high school, was to just repress it. To shove it as far down as possible and just deal with break downs every so often. But this isn't working any more as I must move forward in my life, but I feel as if I have and can do nothing.
I have never sought out any kind of professional help for this before, excluding a brief session with a uni counsellor when it went through a rough patch at the start of University. I have only ever relied on my aunt and friend, and often I was and am trying to support her through her struggle with depression.

[Blu-mer]

Thanks for sharing your story. Try a phone call to the help line as a first step....and If it makes you feel any better: I've left work early today to manage some anxiety I've been ignoring. I jumped on here to read the 'managing anxiety' blog post.

[Fielder]

I am really pleased to hear that it sounds like you're making some of those difficult first steps in talking about what troubles you. I remember a similar struggle in the past, and how effective repression could seem to be sometimes. I suspect that for me at least it was never actually effective, but only immediately convenient with immediate bad fallout I was ignoring. I think for myself too my father, specifically, was a discouraging factor in admitting things that suggested that there was "something wrong with me". I imagine parents typically don't love that stuff, but it might be easier if you gave yourself more of a flexible space between being completely fine and completely broken (again, sometimes parents are a bit bad at this). I have learned to some extent to reinterpret a similar feeling from "there is something wrong with me" to "there is something wrong with my engagement with life", which can still be very upsetting, but it doesn't unjustly imply that it is my fault, or that it is unfixable.

I don't know how much to ask because I don't want you to feel pressured to share more, but I am curious how the meeting with the uni psychologist went (I did a few of those too, incidentally). Have you considered speaking to your GP about your experience? In this context, too, it took me personally a while to realise that there was a large flexible space between saying "I am in perfect mental health" and being sectioned in a psychiatric hospital for immediate electroshock therapy. Probably most of us are struggling with emotional problems in some form. Sometimes a GP can point to things that might help.

[Sezza_H]

Hi Sam42,
I can relate to a lot of what you are saying. I also struggle with anxiety which has made University very difficult. I struggle to complete uni work/assessments and study for exams due to the anxiety.

The anxiety makes me feel completely overwhelmed and as a result, I can’t focus or think clearly. I also become incredibly unmotivated. I too then feel guilty. It’s a horrible cycle to be in.

Recently, I went to a GP who then referred me on to a psychologist. The sessions with the psychologist haven’t just magically made everything better but it has helped me to recognise certain thought patterns/fears that might be impacting me and manage them a bit more effectively so that I am able to perform better at uni (and cope better with the stressors of life in general). I don’t want to pressure you or anything but perhaps seeing a GP who can then direct you as to the best course of action might be helpful.

[flossyG]

Hi Sam42,

this is the first post i've read on this forum (been silent and have taken ages to get involved) but here i finally am! I just had to write something as i can relate to a lot of what you've written.

I wanted to touch on the fact that getting assessed by a psychologist to see whether or not you do or do not have a certain type of anxiety disorder/s might prove helpful to you as a starting place.

I was diagnosed with Generalized Anxiety Disorder at age 11. I'm now 23 and in that space of time I've recieved many other anxiety type diagnosis's along with depression in my teenage years as well.

It's taken me pretty much all these years to gain a better understanding of myself and my mental health but education/support from mental health professionals and learning coping techniques that you can intergrate into your daily life are really important things to have access to, i feel.

I hope this helps a little Sam42 and good on you for posting here! This is a super positive step in itself! 😊