Struggling with OCD

[Tvdforeverfan]

Hi everyone I'm new here so I'm not sure how to use these forums properly but as you can tell from the title I struggle with obsessive compulsive disorder daily and I've tried to overcome it on my own which isn't working very well. I'll try my best to keep this short and I'm so sorry if I sound weird or crazy.


It started about 2 years ago when I started over thinking things which then turned into compulsive behaviours that I felt like I had no control over. I would check the stove over and over about 8-10 times because I had this thought in my head that if I didn't check it a certain amount of times then my house will burn down and I had the same thoughts about this with light switches and a few other things.


It got better after a while and suddenly got a thousand times worse. In almost everything I do I need to tap things a certain amount of times and I replay scenes of a tv show if I look at fire or jewellery because I'll have a thought that something will happen to my family if I looked at those things before the scenes changes. It's weird I know and I can't understand why I'm like this and I never get a break from these thoughts. The worst part is recently I'm always thinking about blinking and how many times I should blind and I don't understand it. And it's the same with swallowing, if I think about it a lot Its like I forget how to swallow and I end up struggling to eat meals. I have googled this and it could be something called 'sensorimotor obsessions' but I'm not a doctor so I'm not 100% sure.


Sorry for rambling on but these obsessions have been really irritating and time consuming and I would love some advice of any sort.

[NicholasOne]

Hi Tvdforeverfan

Excuse the randomness of this post. I tried to keep the topics in order but they just ended up where they ended up. Hope it makes sense and that you get something out of it. I'm not publishing the world's best novel anyway, right?

Have had plenty of experience with OCD, anxiety and depression. My OCD became minimal once I started on anti-depressant meds. The meds seemed to do more for my OCD than anything else. They stopped my mind from thinking too much. I realise seeing a GP and a mental health specialist is the main advice given on nearly every thread in these forums, but I personally haven't had much luck with them for a variety of reasons. Although it's probably just me, you might be different. Yes, a GP is who put me on the meds, but only because I specifically asked her too. Checking the stove repeatedly was a common obsession. Not only did I stop checking the stove repeatedly, but I forgot I had the obsession in the first place, like it never existed, hard to explain.

Anyway, meds aside. To me, OCD isn't just about the behaviour, but about the phobia associated with it too. For example, leaving the stove on might set fire to your kitchen, leaving the light on might cause your energy bill to skyrocket, then the obsessions can get really illogical - looking at jewelry before a movie scene changes might cause your family to suffer, causing you to replay the scene and (hopefully) not get tempted into looking at the jewelry and starting the cycle again. There's always that doubt in your mind "But what if I'm wrong and things do go haywire?". But you're also ignoring an important question "Why the hell would a movie scene and my observation of jewelry cause my family to suffer? Has this ever happened in the history of the world?" It's all about your mind thinking too much in illogical ways and then getting paranoid about those thoughts. Ask yourself questions about the logic of your concerns, draw a rational conclusion about them, and then just scrap it. It won't be long before you start getting uncomfortable again, then but just remind yourself "Hang on, I've already addressed this crap, no need to think about it anymore". Sometimes I get recurrences of the stove obsession, I tackle that a slightly different way.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Tvdforeverfan

I'm really pleased to learn that mum is open to helping you make an appointment. I do agree with you, however, that three weeks is a long time to wait for some initial action. I'd like to encourage you to talk to mum a bit more, if you can, and see if she help you make an earlier appointment to see your GP.

You don't have to tell mum everything, how much you disclose is up to you. But I suspect that if your mum had read your initial post, she would be moving faster to help you. No mother wants their child to suffer the way you are. But do you see what I'm saying? She can't help you if she doesn't know what's happening for you.

If you don't think it's right for you to speak further with mum, then I encourage you to ring your GP. I appreciate that NicholasOne has had some unhelpful experiences with his GP and mental health practitioners and I feel for him deeply. I acknowledge that not every GP is good with dealing with mental health issues. But there is a valid reason why almost everyone you meet here will suggest talking with your GP and it's simple: it works.

And, in the worst case scenario, it doesn't work for you with the first GP you speak with, you just move right on to the next one. There are lots of good GPs out there and you will find the right one to help you. I can tell you that my daughter would never have reached recovery without her GP, psychologist and medication. But I also know that everyone's experience is different and that you are unique, your illness is unique and you need to find the right treatment to work for you. Talking to your GP is a great place to start.

Let us know how you get on

[Tvdforeverfan]

Thankyou i found that last paragraph so helpful. It's good knowing there's other people that know how I feel and don't think I'm crazy haha.

[Tvdforeverfan]

Hey sorry I couldn't reply sooner but I was really struggling since It's beginning to get worse.

I opened up to my mum and it didn't go as well as I thought, she started laughing and it made me upset that she didn't understand what was going on. So I booked an appointment with my doctor and went by myself.

and I'm so happy I did, he said he doesn't want to put me on medication at first because I'm a young healthy girl. But we set up another appointment so he can set me up a mental health treatment plan or something. He said I will get up to 10 sessions with a physiologist.

again thankyou so much for helping me, it means alot

[Summer Rose]

Hi Tvdforeverfan

Thanks for reconnecting, it is really nice to hear from you again. I have been wondering how you are you going.

I'm sorry the conversation with your mum didn't go as expected. You had every right to feel upset. I don't know your mum so it's hard for me to make sense of her reaction. All I can think is that for some reason she may have been distracted and not really listening. In any event, I am very sorry that her reaction was unhelpful.

The good news is that you made it to the GP and now you have your GP and all of us here at the forum to support you. When you book your next appointment be sure to tell the receptionist that you need double-time with the doctor. You will need some extra time to talk through the issues and complete the paperwork.

Please know that you are not crazy, you are simply unwell and you can get better. Getting professional treatment is certainly the place to start. I am really proud of you. I will be here for you, as will many others, as you start your journey toward better health.

You post any time, about anything x

[Jay86]

Your not the only one. Ive suffered with ocd for 5 years. On average it takes me 20 minutes to leave the house. Checking lights, locks, the oven, fridge doors, fans etc. Ive started having to wake up earlier to do my checks so im not late for work!

I know i do it but just cant help myself

[geoff]

Hello Tvdforeverfan, I've followed this thread because I've had OCD for 58 years and can absolutely agree with what you have said in your opening comment because when I young, about 6 or so, exactly the same happened to me with most of what you have said.

I learned how to do these habits/rituals because every year someone in the family passed away, 2 grandfathers, uncles, aunties and great uncles and aunties, so I said that if I swallow 50 times then nothing would happen, but if I was interrupted I had to start again, it was exhausting, so other habits developed at the same time that wasn't so exhausting and thought that something will happen to my family if I looked at anything in particular before the scene changed or once it had changed then I had to look at several times and then recheck it.

Walking on lines in the footpath was something I certainly couldn't do, as well as stamping on uncrunched leaves was a must and then came the blinking, the excuse was I had something caught in my eye.

Playing sport was one of my saviours, I was free from doing any habits when I was actually involved playing a game with others, football, rugby, rowing, tennis, but golf was different.

For a long time I've been hiding my OCD, no one can see me do it and no one comments on it, I didn't want the criticism to continue at a young age by my older brother, yet my twin never ever said anything to me, maybe I was doing them in the very first 9 months when we were both developing.

I know how you feel and yes, I do feel so sorry for you, try and remember that what we have is quite common, it's an illness that unfortunately we have, but there are understanding people who want to help us.

My Best Wishes.

Geoff.

[Chloe_M]

hi tvd,

welcome back, its nice to see you again!

about your mum laughing... i think a lot of people don't take OCD seriously. People dont get how bad or serious it actually is! they just assume we like things in order and in their place...i think they need to look past OCD and look at obsessive compulsive disorder. Its not being a neat freak its an actual thing (im actually a messy person LOL) i find i am teased (not bullied but smirked at) when i do things related to my OCD.

Jay, hi and welcome. I have an obsession with my hair. I have to wash it, but in the shower i think 'no thats not clean enough' so i put in more shampoo and conditioner. I also have this weird compulsion to stick it in my ear... yeah im strange lol it might be related to my trichotillomania (hair pulling disorder) but my mum says 'stop playing with your hair' but i cant. she says stop, i tell myself stop but i can't 😞

take care everyone and once again tvd welcome back 🙂

x chloe