Do i have anxiety - what can i do?

[Concernedwife2018]

HI Everyone

Initially when I joined these forums I did it for support surrounding my husband and his illness. But as time goes on I cant help but feel there is stuff going on in my own head that I need to sort out. This stuff, isn't new and has been going on a really long time, its just now I feel I have to do something.

I am constantly worrying and when I think I have moved past it, I start again. For a really long time I have been worried about what people think of what I say, what they think of me and then when things happen I will overthink them to a point where I am at the worst case scenario without even meaning it. I go over a conversation i have had in my head to see if I said something wrong every time. As little as this may sound it is similar to our household budget, every single day I reassess it, add things, take things out, write lists etc etc.. it is relentless. I got to a point where I told myself that I would only look at the budget the day before pay day to work out what I needed to do, but I don't every single morning I do it again and until I do, I cant stop thinking about it. I know where every single cent goes even the $8 purchases my husband spends on drink, I think over everything.

More recently while my husbands head hasn't been in the best spot, I have been riddled with worry, to a point where I couldn't eat, sleep, felt sick, didn't associate with anyone and imagined the worse case scenarios - those worse case scenarios are now the things I cannot get out of my head. Simple things like- we don't drink due to my husbands mental illness, what happens when our kids want to drink? my overthinking mind tells me it will end badly, but then I tell myself, it will be fine, we don't drink for a reason doesn't mean the kids should miss out?

Chances are these things I am imagining will never happen and it a month or six we will be back to where we were and all my worry is for nothing - but how do I tell my brain this now? In saying this a lot of the things that may or may not happen are out of my control and I will pretty much just need to deal with them if and when they arise.

I don't know what to do to get myself right especially considering while my husband is unwell I need to be here and strong for my kids and him.

Thanks for listening.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Concernedwife2018

I'm sorry to hear that you're having such a rough time. It sounds like you have too much on your plate right now and I can certainly understand why you are so worried.

I know that caring for your husband and children has been your priority but it really is time to look after yourself. I'm a mum, wife and carer and I know how tough it can be when everybody needs you and you feel like you're crumbling. You are not alone.

I'd like to suggest that you make a double appointment to see your GP to talk through how you are feeling, as a matter of priority. It would also be helpful if you could give yourself a daily break.

I know this is easier said than done for a busy mum, but it's really important for your mental health. Perhaps you could take a walk, have coffee with a friend, enjoy a bath, book or movie, etc. Anything really, as long as you enjoy the activity and it gives you a break.

Can I ask if you have anyone to support you? Mum? A friend? Neighbour? If you do, now is a good time to reach out for a chat. When everything becomes too much for me I often find that venting helps.

You also now have me and the others on the forum to lean on and talk to. Post any time.

[Concernedwife2018]

Hi Summer Rose

thank you for replying to me, yes your right I have too much going on and I cannot seem to get it all together.

I have always thought that everything in my head is because I’m busy, or have a lot going on, or uni etc etc. but I now realise I’m slowly falling apart, and my husband becoming unwell mentAlly has pushed me to that edge.

i think with what’s going on with him I have made it way worse in my own head as apart from being unable to sleep properly at night he seems to be doing ok. But in my head I have made it into this great big thing, where the worst happens. I am worrying about things that haven’t even happened and may never happen.

I think if I could shut my own head up and focus on one thing at a time everything will be clearer. I have made myself a list of things to work on number one being my husbands mental health then once that is under control I will start thinking about the kids drinking etc .... one thing at a time. This makes it easy to shut my brain up when it starts thinking up things lol

in answer to your question I do have a work colleague that I tell everything to, she feels like my Mum we get along so well and I am comfortable talking to her she ha seven through similar to me as well. I do plan on telling my own Mum and I possibly will this weekend when I go to visit her.

thanks for listening 🙂

[Summer Rose]

Hi again

You are most welcome 🙂

I'm so glad that you've got a good friend to talk to and I hope that mum is supportive, too.

I like the idea of your to do list but, at the risk of sounding like a broken record, I'm going to suggest that you put yourself at the top of the list. Because if you go down, the whole ship goes down.

Do you think you could make time to see your GP? Or, mybe download the Smiling Mind ap, which is a great tool for mundfulness? Make time to care for yourself so you stay strong.

Kind thoughts to you. Post any time and let us know how you're getting on.