Struggling with anxiety

[dirtbiker]

Hi everyone, 

I’ve been struggling with anxiety for a while now. Ever since my cousin died young a few years ago was when I started having anxiety attacks regularly and when my anxiety worsened, as my mum has always said she’s seen signs of symptoms in me however she won’t do anything about it no matter how many times I tell her I need help. I spoke to a support teacher the other day and she’s trying to get me in contact with the guidance counselor. I think it will help but I just don’t know as my mum will get really pissed off if she finds out about this contact with the guidance counselor.  I’m just  unsure what to do and I need advice 

[Sophie_M]

Hi there, dirtbiker!

Thank you for letting us know about your struggles around family and getting help! we are proud of you for being brave in this!

We were wondering - does it reassure you at all to know that School Counsellors are also bound by confidentiality, just the same as every other type of therapist? Mum wouldn't need to know anything about how the school helps you unless the Counsellor thinks you are at risk. Does that help to know at all?

Do you happen to know why Mum seems to be so against this help? Another thing to remember is that you can reach out to us here, and if you are worried about Mum overhearing a phone call, you can click here and use the webchat function! 

Kids Helpline also has a webchat function you can use!

Always remember, you have to be well to be helpful to anyone, and to do well in your studies. We really hope you will do whatever you need to be healthy, safe and well. You deserve that dirtbiker - everyone does!

Please stay in touch!

Sophie M

[ecomama]

Hey dirtbiker, nice to see you again. HUGS! 

I strongly recommend you sign up for eHeadspace. You don't need your parents' permission to do this. They have experienced Youth Counsellors to help you via a Chat. 

With what you've described here and previously, I truly believe some long term, continuous support would be really helpful. Headspace can do this for you, short and long term. 

Grief is a deep thing. Everyone deals with it differently. Some times our parents cannot support us to deal with our grief because they are grieving too and or want to squash it down and "get on with life" because they're busy raising a family. 

It's right there on the surface for you, so having a support network of trained MH professionals (via Headspace and possibly at school) will help. Also having the support teachers and the BB forums will help provide some semblance of support, knowing that people care deeply about you. 
BECAUSE WE DO! 

You are VERY important. 
You are VALUED! Heck my old pension relies on the youth being okay!..... I was joking there dirtbiker, funny or not? Maybe I'm too old to make jokes like this. 

I'll be serious. We care about you.

Here on the forums, you can POUR your heart out and not get in trouble at all. 

Hugs. Know you're not alone. It won't be long before you can make ALL the decisions you want about WHO you see for your MH and when and everything. Hang in there. 

Love EMxxxx

[dirtbiker]

Hey Sophie,

Yeah that does help to know so thank you for telling me about that. As I wasn’t quite sure if I need my parents permission to see them etc. 

I don’t really know but she’s always against all sorts of help including going to the doctors to get a diagnosis etc. But she sees me struggling etc and has seen the physical symptoms from my anxiety. Yeah I hadn’t used help services like that as I have been worried about calling however that helps to know that there is Webchat services available too. 

Thank you and I look forward to hearing from you soon 

[dirtbiker]

Hey eco mama, 

Ive missed hearing from you! It’s good to hear from you again I hope you are doing well. 

Yeah I’ll have a look at that and sign up as that does sound like something that can help me. 

It was on my dads side of the family and My dad doesn’t talk about it and whenever it gets brought up he squash’s  it down. And my mum just doesn’t care at all. I’ve talked to her about my grief as well and she was not supportive at all and was just blaming it on my cousin even though it wasn’t his fault as he was ran over. My mum is a support teacher and honestly I don’t know how as she is not supportive.

Ahhahah that was pretty funny. Yeah thanks for reminding me about that. I definitely will hang in here. Thanks again EM, I look forward to hearing from you again soon. 

[Bob_22]

Hi dirtbiker,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your experience. I'm sorry to hear that you have been struggling with anxiety and that it's been difficult finding support from your parents.

As ecomama and Sophie have mentioned, Kids Helpline and headspace are both great resources for young people which offer web chat functions. Please don't feel that you need to ask for permission when seeking help as it is entirely your prerogative. In terms of informing your parents it may be best to let them know once you've started using the services as it will take the pressure off of them in terms of helping you access them (just a thought). I know you mentioned your mum is a support teacher but sometimes as carers it is easy to forget about the wellbeing of those closest to us especially when working in a high pressure environment unfortunately.

If you were wanting to help your mum and dad better understand your situation, perhaps you could no subtly print and provide them with this fact sheet from headspace. It is short but to the point. If your parents are interested in more in supporting young people with anxiety I have found some info from the below link:

https://headspace.org.au/explore-topics/supporting-a-young-person/anxiety/ 

I'm glad you have found some support here on the forums and hope you continue to do so. Please update us on how you go. 🙂 💙

Bob

[ecomama]

Hey dirtbiker, nice to hear from you again too! You are SUCH a sweet girl. 

I'm so happy that you're persisting with getting support even with the obstacles you face. 
Did you realise that THAT fact alone shows that you have "resilience"? 

Not the bouncing back as though nothing ever happened perception of resilience, I doubt that's the true definition of it anyway. 
I see you practicing resilience in a whole hearted way. 

Just a thought... have you considered reaching out to your Aunty / Uncle / other cousins in that family just to ask how they're going? 
It could be very sad indeed but simultaneously may give you the opportunity to grieve WITH people who are grieving for the loss of the same person. 

Looking back over my life, when my family had opportunities to come together and BE together, remembering the person, laughing, crying, hugging... just spending time together really helped us all know we were all going through something together. 
Not alone. 

Also PLEASE don't think I want you to leave the forums! This can be a really mentally healthy place to be. 
I was hoping you could get MORE support in addition to us. Never leave us no not ever lol! 

Lol glad my joke didn't offend you! 
Just remember that lol. 

I am a bit concerned about you needing your parents to sign for you to see the School Counsellor we have School Psychologists in schools also in NSW. 
Here students are only permitted to talk with them on the books ie not in passing, with a signed permission slip. Not sure how things roll in your state? 

Take care
Love EM 

[dirtbiker]

Hey there again, ecomama! 
Aww thank you! 

Yeah thank you for reminding me of that fact, some days I think I’m not resilient but like you said it’s not the bouncing back and pretending nothing happened part, that’s the real definition it’s bouncing back and embracing the challenges so to speak. 

yeah I’ve thought about asking my cousin who’s 2 years older than me and was his sister however whenever I try and reach out and just check in on her she never answers and we hardly see them once a year. 

Yeah I was assuming it would be something like that, well I’m in QLD And I’ve never had one in my school until this year so time will tell when I see them but maybe before I start talking to them I could just ask the support teacher that is trying to get me in contact with the guidance counselor about the permission etc. 

[ecomama]

Hey dirtbiker, I would call you DB but we have another awesome member we call Deebi or DB so now we have TWO! 

That's interesting and shocking at the same time that your High School didn't have a Counsellor or Psychologist? What is that? Heavens even here they only get to do things like IQ assessments and meet parents of children with issues or diagnoses etc. Not much time to Counsel students, but they have always been at schools here since I was a child. 
Perhaps your state is using "Covid" funding to finance Guidance Counsellors... idk. 

Shame your cousin won't answer your calls. This time is HARD for them all I'm sure. You too, being so far away from them. You could send a card? Idk just poking at ideas to bond somehow. 

Good idea. Knowing what's in stall is wise! 

You have us and eHeadspace and many Helplines that are there for YOU. Young people who need them is why we have these services. Don't ever hesitate to call them please. 
It would be wonderful if ALL Youth called at the onset of their struggles instead of putting it off for so long that their struggles become entirely overwhelming. 

We don't want that for you or any young person, like ever! 

Just know that the more these services are used and needed then the greater possibility they continue to receive funding. 

Talk soon
Love EM

[dirtbiker]

Hey EM,

Oh, that is annoying, you could call me mx if you like.

Yeah, my school didn’t have either which at the time it was just normal but now thinking about it, its very weird. Especially since I go to a private school, there definitely not short of money so surely, they could have paid for at least one. Instead, they just waste money on aircon systems that don’t even work properly.

Yeah, it is but I guess we all have different ways of grieving and maybe hers is just distancing herself from all family members.

Yeah, I’ve already left it a bit too long but I’m trying to get my anxiety under control again. But it’s getting really hard.