Hi, I'm having a really hard time getting myself out of being isolated after this whole pandemic. I feel like everyone is still to some degree social distancing and things aren't completely back to normal but I know things have improved and a lot of people have in some ways in some ways gone back to being more social again.
I'm really struggling to do the same though. I have always had bad social anxiety and I feel this whole situation made it worse. Before the pandemic I was really trying to be more social, I had a lot of things planned and I was trying to make more time for friends. I've never been completely awful at socialising and always have friends around me but I do struggle with being the first to reach out to people. For the majority of when the pandemic was at its worst I pretty much spoke to no one. I hardly messaged or called anyone and I didn't really hear from anyone else either. I don't even know why I did this as there were times I wanted to reach out to people and didn't. There was a guy who I met at the start of the pandemic who I was dating and I pretty much spoke to everyday, but we ended up breaking things off because it got difficult and we both werent really feeling like ourselves with everything going on. After that I just became completely lonely and haven't talked to many people other than my parents and people at work.
Now I just feel like a complete mess. I feel like I've spent so much time alone these past few months I don't even know how to go back to normal. Some of my friends wanted to play games online with me today and I feel so much more anxious about it than I did before. I feel like I don't want to go out and see anyone or make plans with anyone even though we can now. I wanted to reach out to that guy I was seeing earlier to see how he's doing or to catch up but now I don't even feel motivated to do that. I just don't feel good right now and I don't see the point of seeing anyone or talking to anyone but I know at the same time I am not doing myself any good by staying so closed off from everyone. I feel like theres a lot of people out there who are probably being social and I feel so stupid for having hardly anyone around me to do the same, especially when it was really something I wanted to work on this year.
I know that there's a lot worse things going on in the world right now and my situation is definitely not the worst. But I just wish I could break myself out of feeling like this but I don't know how.
