Started all over again..

[Leslie]

So I have had experience with severe anxiety in the past, to the point where I can't eat, can't sleep and literally can't sit still. I have gotten through it in the past after basically just waiting it out and I thought I had overcome it. Something has triggered my anxiety again yesterday and I am struggling to pinpoint why. I feel like I can come up with lots of 'this could be why' explanations or maybe it's all of the things. 

My main symptoms is a sick churning feeling in my stomach. Sometimes it is constant but at the moment it is on and off. It stops when I am distracted by something but as soon as I let my mind think again it comes strait back. I can barely eat, I am force feeding myself just so my stomach doesn't hurt from lack of food but I have zero appetite. I wake up every day feeling nauseated for as long as I can remember, I honestly feel awful on waking but I'm not sure why. I am so tired and groggy from constant worry but I can hardly sleep. When I do fall asleep I wake up in the early hours worrying and heart pounding. 

I have a beautiful partner but they don't know how to help and it is not up to them anyway. I think I am stressing about my work but my work isn't THAT stressful so I think it's my personality mostly. 

I have tried all the techniques but I just feel like it's a case of riding it out again which sucks because I don't know how long it will be pure torture for. I hate myself for being this way, my life is not otherwise uncomfortable. I can't predict when this will happen which makes it more devastating when it does.

Why can't I just get peace? It's my brain that's broken so why can't my brain fix it?

[Sophie_M]

Hi Leslie,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for your bravery and openness in sharing here. It’s a really good place to have come to hear from others who understand what you’re going through. Anxiety can be so tough, especially after a trigger. It can also feel really frustrating when we just want to be “fixed”.

It sounds like you’ve taken some really good steps in looking at what might have caused this trigger and exploring what is happening for you. Is there anything that helps you get through these times?

If you ever want to talk through what you’re feeling right now, we’d highly recommend calling the Beyond Blue Support Line on 1300 22 4636. The counsellors there are super kind and supportive, they’re understanding and can be good to talk to right in the midst of the anxiety symptoms. You can also reach them via web chat.  

Our community will be able to relate to a lot of what you’ve been going through and be able to share some of the methods that have helped them.

Thanks again for sharing. We’re here to listen and offer support, and you never know how your story might help someone else. 
Kind regards, 
Sophie M 

[Trav]

Hi Leslie,

Just started looking at the BB site today and came across the forums and your post. I feel exactly the same way in terms of symptoms, but I do manage to sleep ok.  In fact getting into bed at night and knowing I will have a sleep and some "peace" in my head is mostly the best part of each day. I have the same nauseating belly, lack of motivation to exercise and go out etc., hot flashes and tingling in feet, racing heart moments etc. I have my first appointment with a support/psych person on this Sat morning and I am really hoping that commences a chain of improvement.  Have you seen your GP and talked them through your feelings and symptoms?

[Annas1]

Warmest thoughts,

Annas

[Annas1]

Hi Leslie,

I can really identify with your experience and recognise the feelings you describe - both the physical and mental ones. I also have significant issues with poor sleep when I'm anxious, and the two can reinforce each other unfortunately. After much life experience, support and education I am now learning to manage my anxious periods with more skill and kindness. I've learned how to help myself in the moment (breathing techniques, help-seeking, exercise, relaxation) look at what is underlying the anxiety (a task, a relationship) and then encourage myself to do what is needed.

When I was told that there is no quick fix for anxiety I was dismayed and felt quite desperate. It's such an exhausting and difficult condition. But there is sometimes wisdom in its presence, and at other times when the wisdom seems absent we can learn to practice care and kindness towards ourselves.

Go well

[NAM3--]

Hi Leslie,

Thank you for posting! I honeslty read this and thought OMG is this person me?

My anxiety smacked me in the face as if I just woke up one morning and I couldn't start my day. Heart was beating in my chest the moment I woke up, couldn't even have my morning coffee - stomach in knots, throwing up to full blown panick attack in 1.5hrs. What a way to start the day!

It's now hung around for the past two weeks and like you, I'm struggling for the why? All the while losing weight and becoming a zombie of myself because it is so draining.

I've been working through this and it seems that I have a strong sense of things being precarious so if things go well - it can spell trouble. I'm not sure if I'm truly believing that though.

I have gotten through this before, so I know I can again but that pure desparation to find some relief is soooo strong.

I just want you to know you're not alone. Keep busy in your positive pursuits, even if you have to do it tired & hungry...you will get there! 

Also, I find having a bath and other things people do to relax absolutlely useless - sit in a bath and feel my chest being crushed - no thanks. Wonder if this is the same for you?

[Leslie]

Hi Trav, 

How did you go at the Dr? 

Yes the last 2 times I went to the Dr I asked for a mental health care plan and they said no, so I stopped trying. I was going ok for a while but the anxiety is back. I'm very exhausted from it all. But I hope you are going ok. 

[Leslie]

Hi Annas1,

Thank you for your kind words. Yes it's the not knowing how long it will go on for. I hate the lack of control but I am trying to be accepting. 

[Leslie]

Hi NAM3,

2 weeks is a long time, how are you going? That sounds really hard with your symptoms. It's always a relief when it goes away and then disappointing when it relates its head again. 

I hope you are going ok and thank you for your reply. It's not nice to have but nice to know you're not alone. 

[Tamara]

This is exactly me at the moment I’m so sorry you’re going through this it’s honestly the worst feeling. I feel like I do everything to try and pull myself out of it and usually I do but it always comes back it’s horrible