Spending Nights away / being in new situations sends me into panic

[LevisWarrior]

Hi all,

This is my first time here and I am really really looking for any help and or ideas to help with the issues I have been experiencing.

Some Background I’m in my mid 20’s and male with a wife an child. I experienced anxiety in High School in about 2009 Which led to me hardly attending school and after leaving high school in 2011 I went into the workforce and had no issues. Since 2011 I have had numerous jobs in Industry ETC and Sales before joining one of the State Government Departments in 2014. I never experienced any real issues with anxiety or being away even when moving towns for a promotion. After being in my new position and town for probably 8-10 months I was sent inter state for a natural disaster. After arriving in this location and being in a new situation I began to feel extremely uncomfortable and anxious, this eventually led me to that afternoon not eating and crying in my room all night, after another day I couldn’t cope and made up a story so I could be flown back home early. I had always spent nights and up to a week away from home at a time and never had an issue. This was the first time I had a major panic attack. Upon returning home I had no issue I felt fine again and eventually mostly forgot and never really had any major issues again until approximately mid 2018 when on a remote 10day work trip. During this I had limited connection to home and half way through really struggled for 2-3 days and eventually came out the other side but having extreme fear of being away from home in unfamiliar ground. Upon getting home I didn’t think to much of it and continued on in life. A few months later o got married and our honeymoon was overseas in which after being there a few hours experienced the same issues and we flew home 1.5 days into our holiday. Ever since then I have lost all confidence and now have issues with being away from home for overnight at all. Even with family and at family houses. My biggest issue than happened this year in which I was offered a higher position in a near by town after being there for a short amount of time I called it off and went into sick leave for about 10 weeks. I returned to work without solving the issues earlier this year and now experiencing the same again currently off work struggling with sever depression and anxiety.

i have been seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist but not much seems to be giving and help.

I am after any advice and or if anyone else has experienced similar.

TIA.

[Croix]

Dear Levi’s Warrior~

Welcome here to the Forum, its a good move as your current methods of dealing with matters do not seem to be working out, by this I mean you medical support.

I can imagine the consternation and even helplessness you are feeling as you conditon seems to be escalating. You had an anxiety condition in 2009 which resulted in your not being able to attend school, I'm guessing your were around 15, followed by leaving school at 17 or so and getting a job.

You do not mention if you had any treatment for this. Around 21 you were sent away from home to a disaster area, where you became increasingly distressed, started to have panic attacks and evidentially had to return home.

Do you think the nature of the disaster you had been sent to deal with had any particular effect on you?

Things escalated, cutting short your honeymoon, being anxious even when with family away from home, andnot being able to accept a promotion (which incidentally seems to me to indicate you do good work)

Now you are off work, I'd imagine on sick leave, and are trying to get proper medical support. Unfortunately your current psychiatrist and psychologist do not seem to be helping as you'd like.

Before going further may I ask how this has affected your relationship with your partner? Do you receive the support and understanding you need -and have you been able to give some support in return as your wife herself will be in a most worrying position? Or have matters become strained?

Now with your psychs. You have to be in charge of your treatment, which means understanding you conditon and diagnosis, and be able to have confidence in your therapists and their plans.

Without that I find personally that sessions do not do much good, it is the relationship and trust, not the particular type of therapy, that helps me most (I too have an anxiety conditon though it manifests in other ways)

My I suggest you have a serious talk with your medical team, i.e. GP, psychiatrist and psycologist, and explain your feelings. I can understand how you might find this difficult, as it could be seen as a criticism of them, however it does need doing if any improvement is to be hoped for.

I found writing things down well in advance, taking my time and explaining clearly as a result, then handing the paper over gave me the best results - plus it was miles easier. Also it was appreciated as the doctor(s) had a firm list to work from.

Things can improve greatly, I did.

What do you think?

Croix

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

While thinking about answering Croix's questions I thought I'd give you my ideas on your situation.

I used to have a travelling job and stayed in motels interstate. It was really uncomfortable for me. Then we took up caravanning and no discomfort took place, it seemed clear to me that familiar surrounds had a positive impact upon me. This was confirmed when I stayed over at a relatives house around the same time, one night only, didn't sleep a wink.

Furthermore I have a history of anxiety and one huge panic attack that was even falsely diagnosed as a heart attack- at 31yo, I'm now 63. So at that time- 1987 I had to begin therapy, meds and seriously look at my problems and how to overcome them. I was lucky, I also had insight and embarked on some short, medium and long term remedies.

Suddenly everything was on the table- work, profession, relationships, diet, exercise, holidays, spirituality and therapy. Even radical changes were considered.

So, I had a few threads below that pertain to those topics. You only need to read my first post of each to grasp the concepts.

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/anxiety-how-l-eliminated-it#qpS1gXHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/meditation---words-of-wisdom---it-helped-me-for-25-years#qe4ivHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/staying-well/when-all-is-lost-what-can-you-do-be-radical-#qnBVUHHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/worry-worry-worry#qhCDHnHzvGGEbv8AAOnT_A (and part 2)

I hope they help. By all means keep in touch

TonyWK

[LevisWarrior]

Hi Croix and TonyWK

thankyou both for you your responses. I’ll try and answer them individually.

Croix, in regards to the disaster area, I do not believe it was due to the disaster it self but more so me feeling extremely out of place and overwhelmed and a feeling of the people around me are all comfortable. To provide a bit more background I’m used to high stress environments and situations as I work in the emergency services.

In regards to my partner supporting me, she is a rock and has been so good to me through it all and with her understanding, she struggles with depression too and sometimes it takes its toll on her but she really is a big help. It’s just not fair I put her through all of this. It’s meant we can’t go away for a night or a family holiday.

I have been seeing a psychiatrist now for a few months trying different anti depressants etc, but struggling to find anything that really helps, he seems to think it’s more depression leading me into anxiety in these situations.
I am currently going to a new psychologist to try different things but at present it’s a month waiting to get in.
thanks for that though Croix I will try writing something’s down.

TonyWK, thanks very much for the info I will definitely take a look into those threads.

[Croix]

Dear Levi’s Warrior~

I'm very heartened to hear you have a caring partner, and if she has experienced depression herself then will understand more fully than many. You did say you thought it unfair to put her though the effects of your illness.

I'd like to say I used to feel exactly the same way, however later came to see I was wrong. The first thing is any loving partner will want to ease their partner's burden, and may feel helpless and excluded if not given the opportunity. The second thing is I -and you - did not know the future.

As it turned out my partner became ill for a very long period after I'd mostly recovered and our roles were reversed. I was able to support her when she really needed it.

I too was a member of emergency devices -a policeman who was invalided out on mental illness grounds. Since then therapies and medications have improved out of sight. My current meds are effective without excessive side effects -though it took a long time to find them.

Frankness with your medical team over how effective they are is one thing I found cut out a lot of wasted time. It is far too easy to regard whatever they say as automatically right (which I did to start with).

Please let us know how you are going

Croix

I'll always be grateful for the chance. So I'd say share your burden and let yourself lean on your partner for support right now.