Anxiety, OCD and relationship effects..

[Catlady99]

I have been battling with anxiety and OCD like issues for a long time. Lately my anxiety has been affecting my relationship. My boyfriend will make plans with his mates and I will trust him 100%, however I start to get anxious and run through all the possible problems and worse case scenarios even though I know they won’t happen.

Has anyone found some helpful ways to subside the anxiety I feel. I want to be able to trust and not feel worried when my partner goes to do something. For his and my sakes.

Thanks for the advice...

[Croix]

Dear Catlady99~

Welcome here to the Forum, a good move as you will find the views and perspectives of others that have had similar experiences. My mental health conditions are not identical to yours, being PTSD, bouts of depression and ongoing anxiety, however one of the symptoms I have is to worry over worst possible outcomes.

When you say you trust him 100%, may I ask in waht sense? To drive without drinking to excess, not having affairs, or simply returning safe and on time?

As an example my own worries start to escalate if my partner is late, or simply not at home when I get there for no reason. I too run in my mind though all sorts of possible disasters.

I'm fortunate in that I do not have to rely upon my own mental resources to settle me down.

Firstly my partner is aware of my anxieties and goes out of her way to ring me if she is going to be late, or leaves me a note if she has had to t go out unexpectedly. This is a real blessing, and makes a huge difference.

The other is that I can ring a freind, and be given a much more sensible perspective, again based upon knowing what I'm like.

I try to bury myself in a book, or movie, or exercise in order to distract me too. This works, particularly if it is a favorite.

For extreme apprehension with the mind in a complete loop I use the free smartphone app Smiling Mind, which with practice, is very effective in breaking that hamster wheel loop of thought.

What I do not do is berate my partner if she forgets, just show my gratitude when she remembers (which she mostly does)

I'd be the first to admit these are effective, but stop-gap measures. The ideal would be to have my basic insecurities in these matters treated, something that has been attempted a lot over the years both with medication and therapy from my psychiatrist and a couple of psychologists - a work in progress I'm afraid.

I hope some of this helps. Is your partner willing to help allay your fears with a few calls?

Croix.

[geoff]

Hello Catlady, and a warm welcome to the forums.

With OCD it doesn't matter how much you trust and love someone, this illness can still make those affected have 'intrusive thoughts', images that you find distressing and/or disturbing, which are the things you do to help you cope with the unwanted thoughts.

These can differ from person to person but you can't blame yourself, it's part of this illness, and I say this because I've had OCD for a long time.

A counsellor can help you understand why they happen and how to overcome them, and please ask any question that you maybe stuck on.

Besty wishes.

Geoff.

[Catlady99]

Hi Croix!
Thank you for your reply.

My partner is aware of my anxiety and OCD, but it not as understanding as what your partner seems to be! He tries. He is a very Christian person and relies on God to path the way and help me, but sometimes I need the human comfort and reassurance.

I trust him with everything and anything. But sometimes if he goes out with the boys I worry he will drink to access (even though I know he won’t) and I worry that he might be silly or irresponsible (which again I know he wouldn’t because he respect me). In an intimate sense, he knows everything about that is personal to our relationship but sometimes I worry he will break that trust by going to in appropriate places with the boys or viewing in appropriate content. We have spoken about this and he understands how important this is to both of us and I know he wouldn’t, but there is always a thought it my head about the what if? Just I guess to prepare myself for the day it may happen.

Thank you for suggesting the smiling mind app which I will download and check out straight away. Anything that can help even subside the feelings and worry I get.

The only person who knows that I have these feelings is my boyfriend. I have not told any friends because I am worried about what they will think. I have always tried to keep people at arms length.

I need to try and find other avenues, such as this forum, to help with me venting my anxieties.

Thank you once again for replying to this as you have been very helpful!

Best wishes

[Croix]

Dear Catlady99~

Do you mind if I ask about medical treatment? Do you have medical support for your anxiety and OCD? I ask as I did not improve until I had the right support, in fact until then I got worse.

You said your boyfriend understands the depth of feelings you are experiencing, and is a very Christian person. Perhaps he himself is the path for your comfort, if not for religious reasons then simply out of concern for your peace of mind.

Can you ask him to do a small thing, like ring if he is going to be late? Perhaps just that one thing, so he gets used to the idea of looking after you - do you think that might be possible?

Many people are affected by anxiety, and a fair number have written down things that have helped them. As each person is different not all will work, but some will, it is where I found Smiling Mind and other things too. The thread is called

Forums / Anxiety / SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY

It is long, and may take several goes to read it all, but I found it worth it

Croix