Social / constant generalised anxiety taking over my life

[Myles5]

Hi guys, I am wondering if anyone can relate with me, been really suffering lately. feel like I’m the only person in the world who could be going through this

28 yo male. Been suffering pretty badly with constant anxiety for around 5 years which all started after taking a lot of drugs at a party. But I believe it goes back further to when I was younger, with my traumatic childhood and my dad taking his own life when I was 15

I have tried pretty much every treatment since, the only thing that’s really made a difference is a good diet and joining the gym.

but what seems to be getting worse lately is the social anxiety side of things. Getting to the point where I can barely speak to my own family and only feel comfortable when in my home. It’s really killing me and holding me back in life. It’s hard to explain, but whenever I’m in social situations I feel like everyone is watching and judging me for looking stupid/ on edge. My list of friends is going down big time and it’s impossible to go out and meet people/ talk to females

its really upsetting because I used to be really out there when I was younger, now I can’t even put a sentence together when someone’s around.

Whats triggered it a lot for me lately is seeing a lot of my close friends getting married/ having kids while I’m an anxious mess.

guess what I’m asking is has anyone experienced similar issues and maybe got through it? If so what helped you. Really appreciate anyone taking the time to reply.

thanks, Myles

[Guest9337]

G'day Myles5,

Ah a fellow ex-party man, welcome to the forums. For a long time I had the motto, "party hard" and lived it too. So yeh, I relate to that and also to later experiencing anxiety and suffering. I'm approaching 50 soonish, so yeh made it this far, despite trauma.

Yep I feel safest at home too.

Have you heard of a psychology technique called "anchoring"? I learned it from a 1800respect counsellor. The aim is to have an object that we can anchor to when suffering. You mention being safest at home, is there something from home that you can take with you and concentrate and focus upon when you are out and about?

So for me it's a torch. When I'm freaking out, I will hold the torch and look at it, feeling its texture and weight, squeezing it, describing it in my head, putting as much focus as possible upon the torch. Seems to help, yet I honestly don't know why. I attach the affirmation of "light up the dark" to the torch too, so the torch shines both metaphorically and literally.

[Amanda2000]

Hi Myles,

You are certainly not alone. I have similar issues. I also feel safest at home and I don't go out unless there's a purpose. My own family has also become a cause of my anxiety. I think it's the covid-lockdown and loss of my personal space being under the same roof with them everyday 24/7. I don't talk much to my family. Except meal-times, I prefer to be alone in a room away from them.

When I'm at work or in a social situation, I kind of become an "actor". I would joke and try to be funny. A little over-social to hide my anxiety. I don't know whether this is a strategy but I find it very helpful. Afterwards my over-thinking starts and I get self-critical over the way I spoke/the things I said/my posture etc. etc.

"whenever I’m in social situations I feel like everyone is watching and judging me for looking stupid" - I feel the same way. Now that we have zoom-meetings with everyone working from home, I find the online public-speaking very stressful. I make all sorts of excuses to not turn on my camera. But just yesterday a thought had hit me! I asked myself - do I remember what my colleague said about their weekend at last week's meeting? do I remember what she/he was wearing? The answers were NO. So it's all in our heads. Chances are people are not watching us like how we're imagining. I hope this can help you.

[Here2Talk]

Hi Myles,

I have been through both of the psychological issues as you, since primary school (male and 2yrs older than you) although with a different life trajectory e.g. the loss of your father - I’m so sorry to hear that.

what other treatments have you tried? You mentioned diet and exercise.