Social anxiety

[Izfish]

I have always felt nervous and anxious in social situations but I always just thought it was shyness. Ever since I moved to high school (now in grade 12) my anxiety started getting a lot more serious and intense.

A lot of my friends have started going to parties and drinking and just being teenagers. But I am unable to do this.

The first and last party I went to was one that my friend was holding, all my friends knew i was feeling extremely anxious about going and so I thought that once I got there they would help me get through the night. As soon as I arrived the one friend who i thought would definitely stay with me and make sure i was ok, was the first one i saw and she started critising what i was wearing, I just let this wash over me because I didn’t think it was anything to be caught up on. As we started walking to the tennis court (where the party was being held) i was talking to her trying to take my mind off the situation and she started telling me to shut up and that she didn’t want to hear what I was saying. Anyway at this point I was freaking out because

[Izfish]

Hi Croix, thankyou so much for your reply!!

Honestly, I do agree with you about knowing that getting help is probably part of the solution. I think i have just let this continue on for 3 years because i have been too scared to take the first step. I think i have also always thought that i would have to find someone sooner or later that i would be comfortable in talking to - but obviously this hasn’t happened.

Your suggestion about writing everything down and handing it over makes me a little less scared because I was always scared that I would miss something important or as you said chicken out.

Do you know if I could get help through messaging? Or would it be better to go in and see them in person to talk it over? To be honest I think I’m scared that they will think I’m being dramatic and unreasonable.

Once again thankyou for your reply it was really helpful!!

[Croix]

Dear Lzfish~

This is only my own opinion but I think there is no substitute for being actually with anther human being in person, messaging does not do that.

From your posts over quite a long time now it is obvious that you are nether being dramatic or unreasonable. You are simply seeking the support you need. If it was something like a broken leg you would not hesitate. Anxiety can be just as debilitating.

From my own experience actually taking the first step is not as bad as the anticipation. Putting it off simply makes you suffer more for longer. A consultation is a two-person collaboration, it is not just you sitting there finding it difficult, any doctor or psych worth knowing will actively help ease those feelings and make you less uncomfortable.

Croix

[IreneM]

Hi Izfish

I have been going through a similar situation to you as well as many other traumas. It is not a good idea to sweep your problem under the carpet and try to forget about it because it will keep coming back to haunt you at some point as Research has proven. I had a fear of people and hated myself.

So as Croix has suggested getting professional help is essential. But with Mental Awareness Growing, so is the range of services available growing too.

If you feel too frightened to see someone face-to-face there is another option called https://MINDSPOT.org.au

It is basically like doing therapy online. Here you start by doing a Mental Health Assessment as a GP would and they soon come back and call you about your results. Should you qualify and it sounds like you do.

You can start to do a course yourself and weekly contact with a Therapist by telephone is available as well as by an internal email service on the site. But remember you have to be willing to do things to change this for the better. The only person who can turn this around is you with the advice and guidance from a therapist. Other Professionals can help you but you have to do the work. I have started it and found it really helpful. The course goes for two months and after it is finished you can still keep using the skills that are being taught in the course on an ongoing basis.

Whether you choose this option or face-to-face, please seek therapy and if you're unsure and don't feel like talking to anyone (like I was when I was that way) instead of ending up rockbottom and ending up in a mental health ward; I hope you can at least use the email service below to get started. The sooner you act the easier the journey of recovery will be for you.

Take care and all the best with your efforts.

Irene.

[Izfish]

Thankyou so much for your help. I will definitely look into both yours and Croix’s suggestions!!!

I just have another quick question. It’s probably stupid and nothing anyone can help with. But every time I like someone and they start liking me back I instantly stop liking them. Is this to do with my anxiety or is it nothing to think about?

[Croix]

Dear Lzfish~

Many people are reluctant to form relationships, from simple acquaintance to long term partners, and this can be caused by anxiety, I'm not a doctor and do not really know the mechanisms involved but would guess low self-esteem and fear of hurt may have something to do with it - a misplaced protective measure..

I strongly suspect as your overall condition improves this will fade

Croix

[Izfish]

I’m sorry to keep dragging on about this but I am starting to seriously think about seeing someone for help. But I am so terrified of going and starting because one of my main problems is that one of my biggest fears is opening up and talking to people. I’m just worried that if I go see someone that if it doesn’t work out then it could make my whole situation worst. I also really struggle to express myself and get how I’m feeling out into words, especially when I’m confronted with sitting in front of someone and having to talk about myself. I am really scared of the unknown I don’t like the idea of not knowing how it would go or what is supposed to happen. Does anyone have any advice or personal experiences that could help me with maybe becoming a little more comfortable in going?

[44Max44]

Hi Lzfish,

I can relate pretty hard to pretty much everything you said. I'm 20 now, but in Highschool I always just stuck with the same group of friends I made in Year 8, and thankfully stuck with them throughout Highschool. Outside of my small group of friends, I interacted with nobody, and I mean nobody. I only talked with other people if I had to (group projects) and even then as little as I possibly could.
I too always passed this off as just being shy, and even told people 'I'm just shy", but it was social anxiety.

I find it extremely difficult to talk to people I don't know well, but once I get comfortable with someone I'm alright. I find myself repeating what I'm about to say several times in my head just to make sure that what I'm going to say isn't going to sound dumb, and sometimes even miss the opportunity to say it entirely because the conversation has already moved on.
I also feel like I usually bring absolutely nothing to the conversation, because I feel like I have nothing worth-while to talk about. I'd much rather sit in the sidelines of someone else's conversation instead of being part of one myself.

I also tend to have laser focus on particular things, like something I think I may have done wrong, something I said, what somebody else said, etc. That will be the only thing on my mind and I can't shake the feeling.

Also, I find it very difficult to express myself and my feelings. My friend got a 6-week old puppy the other day, and although I was beyond ecstatic to see and play with the puppy, I didn't really show or convey any of that.
I just find it really difficult to say what I really want to say for fear of getting backlash (I guess), and show as little body language as possible as to not stand out of the crowd.

All-around I just feel like I'm extremely awkward in social situations, which just makes me feel even worse and makes me want to avoid social situations as much as possible.

[Izfish]

Thanks for the reply 44Max44!! It’s so good to hear that someone else completely understands what I am going through!! Have you reached out to anyone about it? If so how did you find it? Because I am terrified in taking the first step but I know that, that is potentially the only way i will get better and become happier

[Izfish]

Has anyone got any suggestions for good councillors who can communicate via text (if there is such a thing)? I just feel like I need to take it step by step and I think that texting would help me build up the courage to meeting face to face with someone eventually

[Izfish]

Has anyone used the online chat that beyond blue offers? If so how did you find it? I’m just wondering whether that might be the way to go for me at the moment?