Social Anxiety Triggers

[gloria10]

So the last couple of weeks I have been struggling with social anxiety. There were some people I knew, or thought I knew, in my local area and it was all friendly. Suddenly, things seemed to have changed; two are also my neighbours and it is making things awkward. I am feeling judged for who I am and constantly worrying about how they see me.

I've also been feeling like I cant go outside when they are they because they wont want to talk to me. I am a chatty, friendly person and I dont mean any harm by it, but I dont know if its off-putting for others. One of them says a short hello and is avoiding my eyes as well. I'm content with and happy hello and thats enough.

Any advice would be great. It has gotten to the point where I been feeling it might be time to move from the area and I don't know if thats part of it, but if I can try and deal with this first that would be better. Ive just never been great dealing with social situations.

Thanks

[BenD]

Hi Gloria,

That must be a really annoying and frustrating feeling. Social situations can sometimes feel mechanical and contrived, especially when anxiety is involved.

Perhaps its nothing to do with how you are and more about them? They could have some stressors going on in their lives that make them behave in a bit of an odd way towards you without even meaning to. Even if it is about you, perhaps they are not worth talking to anyway? You sound like a pretty friendly person, I'd say you deserve a pretty friendly response don't you think?

[Just Sara]

Hi Gloria and welcome to our caring community;

It seems you're doing a lot of worrying over what others think of you. I'm wondering what you think of them. Do you like them or want to be around them? I don't think I'd like to be around someone who can't look me in the eyes.

Could you smile, nod and keep walking for instance if you don't want to talk? And most importantly, not feel guilty afterwards? Sometimes passing by and letting that person deal with their feelings/thoughts is far better than not being true to yourself don't you think? This isn't selfish; it's self preservation and survival of the fittest.

Everyone's responsible for their own thoughts/feelings including you and me. We've got to get ourselves thru life the best way we know how. Sometimes this means moving on and finding new friends. We grow and develop new ways of thinking and what direction we want to travel; people don't always want to go along for the ride.

And sometimes, people don't want us along for the ride either. It's just the way it is I'm afraid...their loss I say. 🙂

Please don't contemplate leaving ok; this is a really drastic measure. Think about where you want to be and go for it!

You're welcome to post here anytime you want. It's a judgement free, anonymous and safe environment. If you have issues with anything I've said, I'll be happy to hear your thoughts and chat about it.

Don't forget you can call Lifeline (131114) day or night for someone to talk with who can help you settle when things get on top of you. Looking forward to hearing back from you.

Kind thoughts;

Sez

[gloria10]

HiJustSara

You are right that I care so much about what others think. Lately it has been bothering me and I feel the need to change who I am, which isn't good. I could cut back on how much I say to them, its tricky because I am naturally a chatty person.

I have been looking at finding more suitable friends by trying classes, just not sure what I want to do yet.

I appreciate the advice 🙂

[gloria10]

Hi BenD

It has been challenging. I go okay with social anxiety, in fact I was in denial when I was first diagnosed because Im quite talkative.

I think some of it might be the neighbours issues as one is very private. I've just always worried if people are nasty that it must be my fault. I think some nicer friends would be easier 🙂

[BenD]

Yeah it’s a funny one social anxiety. I have plenty of friends but I still feel tense in social settings, even with them around!

Just keep visiting here and venting, it’s a healthy process and one that will make finding some friendlier people all the more easy 😊

[gloria10]

Hi BenD

Its interesting isnt it? Even when around people we know there is still social anxiety.

It is certainly helpful to vent as I have realised what is going on. I think over the past few months I've been feeling uneasy around my neighbour, just because some things don't add up. I am also seeing them around more which I'm not used to and I think I feel the need to 'walk on eggshells' around them.

Seeing this has helped me learn that they arent right for me to associate with.

Gloria10

[Croix]

Dear Gloria1~

I read in another recent post you have been having hassles about work. First off though I'm very pleased you have found a job you like where the hours suit you, definitely something worth fighting for.

As you say this other person is a team member I'm assuming they are not a leader whose job it is to direct other such as yourself. That being the case I suppose one ought to consider why this person is making comments. As someone with an anxiety condition I often think the worst and that someone might be taking a shot at me when in fact that's not the case.

Do you think it might be a case of giving friendly tips to a newcomer, things she might not know about otherwise? Of course this is only one possibility, being bossy is of course another as is bucking for promotion. or even to make the person feel good about his or her self.

Another thing to consider is the quality of the advice, is it actually good advice you could do with, or just being picky or irrelevant? I guess if it is useful stuff just say thanks and let it ride.

You may well be right that it's a bit early to take any formal action. Are there any friendly people at your work you can have a chat with to see what they think is happening?

I hope you manage to sort all this out quickly.

Croix

[gloria10]

Hi Croix,

Thank you for your advice. It is a relief to find something more suitable, it was a challenging year with work last year but I think I cope better with reduced hours.

You're right, it could well be that they think they're being helpful, its just with anxiety and a history of bullying at work I think I jump straight to the negative. In saying that, other colleagues have mentioned some of their own difficulties with them and I think that may have been clouding my own judgement too. The main thing I just found unnecessary is pointing out faults in my emails, especially when its minor.

Also given the post in on the neighbour issue I wanted to update that it does seem to be better. I think its because I was dealing with my neighbours more than normal due to an issue that came up. My anxiety tends to make me worry about how others perceive me.

Thanks for your post Croix

Gloria10

[gloria10]

I thought I would give an update with regards to my neighbours. I think I will be moving in the next year and have even spoken to my family about it. Where I lived I used to feel welcomed and accepted for who I was. Over the last few months I feel the need to avoid my neighbour who has been fairly rude except for when they want something. The other is generally okay but they have a bit of a temper so that doesnt help either.

The thing is, I always find it hard to stay in a place once I know its time to move on, but I know I can't move straight away and it is stressing me out a bit. It's the same with things like work but I want to deal with it so I dont make rash decisions.

Any advice is greatly appreciated.

Gloria10