Social Anxiety/ Depression.

oliver12345 · ‎05-06-2020

Hi all, I m new to this forum community. I have been struggling quite alot with anxiety. i tend to relieve myself that this is normal and its just part of life to deal with these. But i somehow continue to get into the same situation whenever i met one of stressors. I overthink quite often, i devalue myself. I feel like I am being in a loop and i been trying to get out of it but i could not. Yesterday duing a legal phone consultation, i totally lost track of what the legal counsellor was saying i keep telling her to repeat only to find myself unable to understand. I felt bad for the lawyer and doubted myself of my competence and usefulness during and after my consultation and wondered if i was actually stupid. I self diagnose myself. I always tend to avoid situations that stresses me. I hate that part of me. I also find myself hard to connect with people and made a close relationship with them. I have social anxiety. I always seem to remember mostly the negative emotions of my life rather than the positive ones. I tried to see the psychologist and also seem to be in avoidant behaviour. I question myself of my values. I coop myself up inside my room to play games and watch movies thinking its normal tht Im a just an introvert.I loved being like this and a part of me hates this and tells me to be more socially engaging and active. The thing is im not good in coversations and put myself in a weird position when i talk with someone. I felt awkward around people and worried the other person will see me in the same way. Then i reassure myself you are just overthking it and the other person is probably not going to see me the way i expected. This is wht my close friend and family told. But i just cant seem to change that cycle. Then sometimes i hated myself for being a person I was. This led me to think of what could be possibly wrong with me and then it jus go away when I watche movies played games or sometimes cries in front my sister. But it comes back whenever i met with a stressor. I cant seem to find a way out of this cycle. I been trying to find a way but i feel like it is getting worse.I was wondering if anyone had faced and ovrercome issues similar to mine. Thank you😊

Doolhof · ‎06-06-2020

Hi Oliver,

Welcome to the community here. There are quite a few threads here about anxiety, so you are not alone. It can be helpful to know that other people experience something very similar to yourself and it can be "normal" for many people.

You mentioned you had seen a psychologist. Did you find this helpful? Did they offer some coping skills and strategies to help with your anxiety?

When I have important phone calls, I try to have pen and paper with me so I can write down details, that helps me. I can look at my notes and ask the person to clarify what I am still not understanding.

I sometimes find it really awkward talking to people, so I ask them about themselves. Some people are very happy talking for ages about themselves.

It can be hard when we second guess everything and wonder what people are thinking about us. I try to put a smile on my face and that seems to help me feel more confident.

The Beyond Blue website has information on Anxiety as well that you may be interested in reading. I find the more I read about my mental health diagnosis, the better I understand it and can find ways to help myself as well, and to accept when I have not so good days.

Once again, I welcome you and hope you find your connection here beneficial.

Cheers from Dools

oliver12345 · ‎08-06-2020

Thanks for your heartfelt response Dool. I really appreciate that.

And no. it was not a consultation with a psychologist. It was a legal consultation with a lawyer. I had never seen a psychologist.

I have been facing lots of anxiety issues lately. It is happening to me most of the time lately.

I am having racing thoughts lately and I overthink very much especially during social moments. Maybe its a trauma I had when I was in high school. I was called by a name thats something like retard or stupid. It started as something that I can laugh with my friends and something that i dont mind. But then before i know it i became a centre of joke to everyone and i starts to hate it. Then i start to refrain myself from talking and speaking up fearing that I will be joked. I don't know maybe I have PTSD and anxiety disorder and depressive disorder.

I keep having with this feeling that makes me uncomfortable and uneasy and its happening to me often these days. Its been really hard for me . I had like two, three mental breakdowns where i cry.
I just want to stop overthinking about stuffs and live my life but I couldn't. I dont know. should i see a psychologist. Its quite expensive and time consuming but i feel like i need to.