Social anxiety and new job

[123Hels]

Hello!

Ive recently started a new and very exciting job, which I’m thrilled with. My boss is lovely and the team are amazing. Most are far younger than me, but they’re all very inclusive and kind. 
I have noticed that my anxiety is starting up again though. Everyone in the team are very high energy, and super confident to talk in front of each other about everything and anything. 
What seems to happen with me is I am beginning to lose the confidence I entered with. I can’t seem to contribute to the conversations when I’m in a large group with the whole team. I almost shut down and become quite anxious. Thoughts of, will what I say be stupid, irrelevant, engaging like theirs? Sometimes, I think I’ve asked stupid questions and just don’t ask anymore. I’m better in small groups of 2 or 3, but big groups I’m terrible.

I am noticing it is affecting my happiness in the job already! I’m worried that my awkwardness is also being noticed by the others and it’s getting me down.

anyone else going through this and what’s your advice please.

thank you

[quirkywords]

123hels

congratulations on your new job. 
You may be surprised to find one of those super confident people may be anxious too.
They appear fine but their hands shake  and worry about what they will say.

can you write down in notes and see if you can speak first. 
good luck. 

[Flop]

Hey 123Hels,

There's no pressure on you to contribute to a group chat if you don't feel the need. I'm sure some people have said some things in that situation that didn't take the entire team by storm, and I bet everyone moved on almost immediately and you yourself didn't mind nor think they were foolish if what they said didn't captivate everyone.

You've heard it before, but people are way too concerned about themselves to be worrying about you. Us with anxiety being the prime example lol.

If you take notice, you'll see people everyday having minor stuff ups that no one even acknowledges nor thinks twice about because we're all only human. As quirkywords stated, those people you view confident could be dealing with the exact same anxious thoughts and feelings as you, and I bet unless you've told them they won't have any idea that you even have anxiety.

I hope this has made it all feel less daunting and has been comforting. You'll be okay. Good luck!

[sbella02]

123Hels,

Congratulations on your new job, and we appreciate you reaching out.

I also have quite bad anxiety, and it often manifests when I'm at work. People have told me that I appear quite confident and energetic regardless, so I'd imagine that behind the confidence of the staff at your work, they may also have doubts, anxious thoughts and worries sometimes, as Quirky has said.

I don't think I posted in my work group chat for months after I started, and I was quite nervous to talk to my colleagues in social settings away from work, so I can understand your reservations here. If you don't feel like you have anything to say or if you're a bit fearful of speaking in front of a group, don't stress. I'd also argue that interactions you may perceive as awkward may not be as negatively received as you may think, and that most people would be understanding if you've just started at somewhere new.

Don't be scared to ask questions! I know that's a lot easier said than done, but it's better to ask questions and go into something with sufficient information to do it well than to be underprepared. They don't have to be thought provoking questions either - I ask a lot of very basic questions at work that are probably perceived as common sense to others, but in my mind, it's always best to ask if unsure.

I hope this helps!

SB

[Fairmaiden64]

I never did well with groups even at school. one on one, and lucky if that, for me