so tired

[missmilford]

I am so tired of feeling anxious all the time and I think depression is setting in.  My work situation is awful but I live on my own with a mortgage and I feel very  trapped.  I am not doing my job properly, I don't really care but the turmoil we are in now is not helping.  My closest friends have moved interstate and I just feel so isolated and overwhelmed.  I wish I knew how to move on and get out of this terribly difficult time, it seems endless.  I need to move on and get out more but it takes a lot of energy that I don't have.  it is such a vicious circle and everything seems so hard.  thank you for listening, I think I just needed to put it out there how bad I am feeling. I know I am the one who has to make changes and no one else can do so.  but wow it's hard to see how. thank you for listening

[bookworm]

Hello

Sorry you are feeling overwhelmed. I understand that feeling only too well. Have you sought medical help? I have found a really kind and understanding doctor who has helped me such a lot. I actually prefer to be at work with all its challenges as I find it is a good distraction from my anxious thoughts which are mainly centred around health  anxiety. If anything nice is on the horizon for me I go into a kind of self  sabotaging mode where my anxieties snowball and I become convinced that something terrible will happen to my health and I will not be able to enjoy anything or even go anywhere. My latest fear is that a heart attack is imminent.  It sounds so silly when I write it down but it is only one of many fears that take over my mind. My doctor is very patient  and has helped me to challenge the thoughts. Take care and do find a good doctor. Best Regards

[missmilford]

thank you for your reply:)  I am lucky enough to have a wonderful GP who I have been seeing for over 25 years and he knows me well.  I was seeing a psychologist at the start of the year who I really took to but I seemed to pull myself together and manage, which is the story of my life. I am off the rails again. I guess I am at the point where I question whether it is good to keep talking about it when I know what I need to do.  - get out of a very unhealthy job and find my energy again but it is scary looking for jobs at the moment and I am 50 in a couple of months.  I am beating myself up a having stayed in this job for too long (24 years) because changing it seems so scary now.  but I know I have to.  I do go in cycles of anxiety and depression and have done so all my adult life but boy am I tired of it.  I can't find pleasure or enjoyment in anything at the moment. It is a vicious cycle - I know what I need to do but because of being so tired and worn out, I lack the energy and motivation.  I don't think your thoughts are silly at all, I feel the same at times regarding a feeling of dread that something is going to happen.  My anxiety is very much on both levels - work and personal life which is seriously lacking.  I find this forum very comforting though knowing that others go through similar thought processes. It is scary at times how negative our thoughts can get. thank you again