Paranoia about dying

[Cookie2012]

Hi Everybody,

Is there anybody else out there who suffers from health anxiety? I have severe paranoia about dying and it is taking over my life, I just don't know what to do anymore. I have a husband and 4 beautiful children and have just found out I am pregnant with our 5th. I love them all so much and I am petrified of dying and leaving them without a mum. It all started a year ago (looking back I have always had anxiety) when my husband and I flew overseas for the first time. I was absolutely petrified the plane was going to crash. The panic attacks started soon after we got back and its been downhill ever since. I have been to the hospital a few times and am always at the doctors with symptoms of some terminal illness. I have spent so much money on tests and there appears to be nothing wrong with me. I have been active and exercised nearly my whole life but for some unknown reason I have convinced myself I have a heart condition and I am convinced I am going to drop dead at any time. I am too afraid to exercise for fear of collapsing in the middle of the road and constantly feel like I cant breathe. I always have a funny feeling in my throat and my chest always feels tight. I go to bed every night thinking im not going to wake up in the morning. When I do wake up in the morning I have no desire to do anything. Im scared to be alone in case something happens to me. My whole day is consumed with thoughts of dying. This has all gotten bad again since I found out I am pregnant, I have a fear that this baby and pregnancy is going to kill me and I hate feeling like this. The morning sickness is feeding my anxiety and thoughts of dying even more. My doctor has given me benzodiazepine tablets to tide me over for a few weeks, I was given an antidepressant but that made me awfully sick and unable to function ending up in my last hospital visit. I am also studying full time at uni and im scared this is going to ruin me. Can anybody help me on what I can do, im scared of what the future holds for me and my family while I am like this.

[BeeCee]

Hi...

yes I too suffer from health anxiety. Reading your story had me gasping aloud, thinking, heavens! That's me! That's me! So, yes, I could very well relate.

i am by no means on top of my anxiety, but I will tell you that I have to work at fighting it every day. And some days I work harder at it than others. It's an awful, awful thing to be burdened with. Mine intensified when I became a mum. Various health issues along the way triggered the intensity of my anxiety. But of late it seems to have intensified. I'm not exactly sure why, but sometimes, trying to work out why I'm experiencing it does my head in even more.

the strategies I use include: deep breathing, meditation - every day - usually first thing in the morning, before I start my day; I avoid caffeine; avoid things that could trigger me (violent news stories/TV shows-I've discovered they contribute to my anxiety) - if I hear a story about a mother dying, I freak - thinking I could die and leave my kids without a mum (biggest, scariest fear) - I also use something could "EFT tapping" - stands for emotional freedom technique - there's loads of free YouTube clips that teach you this technique - and I use bachs natural flower remedies. Essential oils too. You can find information on these things online too. I had a few counselling sessions, but I wasn't happy with the therapist - I'm in the process of attempting to find another one, but it's not easy. I'm not much of an exercise person - but because my health anxiety centres around my heart - I'm terrified exercise will set something off, so it's an avoidance strategy I employ which probably does my anxiety more harm than good....

sometimes I wonder what my future holds too. I'm 42, and there's a potential lot of years ahead of me filled with anxiety... I don't want my life to be tainted by this blasted thing for the rest of my life. I haven't tried meds... I'm very reluctant to go down that path... I have friends on them and the side effects aren't ones I want to deal with, and from what I understand they STILL have anxiety despite being on medication.... So I figure what's the point? But that's only how I feel personally.... 

I just wanted to post to let you know you're so so SO not alone. But you're stronger than this - don't let this thing get you down. You've got four kids! You're a hero! And a little one on the way - super exciting. But at the same time - it's so taxing being a mum... I understand. Do things for you. Find half an hour a day to do something you love. 

I wish you all the best of health in the world.... And you've had tests - try to trust the drs.... It's the fear within you that's not allowing you to believe them....

[BeeCee]

PS - if you do a search on "health anxiety" at the top right of this site, you will be able to access other posts and links to websites. Hope they help.

im having a rough night myself 😞 

[bella1]

Hi there 🙂

oh gosh this is me right now ! I am always petrified I'm going to pass out, my three children will be frightened and I spend my days worrying that I'm going to die and they'll be without their mum. I've recently started having dizzy spells for no reason ( i.e.  I'm not worrying or panicking about anything) but following feeling dizzy a real fear/panic sets in. I've got an app't with a psychologist next week but in the meantime I'm just so frightened that it's something more than anxiety 😞

[BeeCee]

Hi Bella 🙂

hope you're ok. I understand exactly what you mean. Often my anxiety is triggered by a sensation or a symptom... I thought I was feeling ok, something hits me then the anxiety sets in. It's so swift! I know that if you're highly sensitive to worry and anxiety (which is me all over) that the anxiety can manifest itself and you may not even be aware you're anxious (does that make sense?) and then the cycle continues.... It's very hard to break isn't it? It's an awful thing to be caught up in... I can't seem to escape it. I'll be good for a month or two, then wham! Something hits me 😞 I'm going to see a therapist too - but couldn't make an appointment for a few weeks... Hoping I'll muddle through in the meantime. Take care...