I don't know what I'm doing anymore. I'm nearing my thirties, still in uni and getting so burned out and I just want it all to stop. I'm so incredibly useless when I've got all this support from family and I'm doing nothing with it and I can't help anyone. I don't even want to listen to anyone's problems anymore because then it affects me mentally and it just takes a toll on me, but at the same time I can't stop them because then they'll have a mental breakdown because they won't be able to vent and they've shouldered so much burden I just can't stop this vicious cycle. Paying for a psych/counselling is also so fucking expensive in this economy even with a mental health plan that I have to fight every fucking doctor for, but at the same time I'm not living in the streets or even in a tragic family situation besides traumatises immigrant parents, I hate that I am an emotional anxious ridden prison.
Why can't I just talk or do things without thinking so critically of myself and others all the time. Why do care so much but don't care at the same time. I care enough to find the words to comfort people in the moment but I don't want to talk to anyone ever after that, I won't initiate conversations or even say hello. I just hate that social cycle, I'm not built for it or I just have no patience for it. I'm so fucked in the head.
It doesn't help that I'm someone with basically no social skills, nonexistent work experience because I've basically isolated myself up until now. I hate that I can't function on my own at all and I'm berating myself for bitching about it cause other people are having it worse and I'm just being a little shit that can't face mild adversity of simply trying and accepting failures.
Except I'm not 18 anymore failures mean I can't pay bills, I drop out and have nothing to show for it, I leave my family I love an care about in distress. I'm so stuck and so tired of this shit. What do I do, what do I even want to do I don't even fucking know anymore.
