Severe anxiety and panic disorder getting worse

[Jover58]

Hi all, I am new here although I've been living with panic attacks most of my life. I am 58 now and, although I've never given up trying to live a normal life and manage to get by most of the time with medication, lately I am scared all the time. I recently moved to the country hoping for a fresh start but I feel so isolated and I can't drive far before panic sets in. I have a supportive partner but ths is a living hell. I have pulled myself put of this kind of situation before with the help of a psychologist but here I don't even have a GP yet and I can't drive to see one. My partner just started a new job so he can't take me and even if I got a referral to a psych how would ai get there?

I'm tired of being scared and feeling useless. Any help or support would be much appreciated.

Thanks for listening.

[NMTB]

Hi Jover,

Welcome to BB forums, I've been on here a grand total of 4 days so I am new here too. I am 51 and have had anxiety since childhood that has increased in severity and complexity during my life - you are not alone. I am sure more experienced members than I will respond to your post with practical ideas to help you - you have come to a good place for that.

I am just replying to say that I am sorry to hear how you are feeling and what you are going through at the moment. As I am sure you know, anxiety is incredibly isolating by its nature - you can't describe just how much to anyone who does not suffer from it - never mind feeling physically isolated on top of that as you do. As it happens, I can't bring myself to drive either, but I am in a metro area and my wife takes me to appointments.

You say in closing that you are tired of being scared and feeling useless. My response to that is: Yes. Although it is horrible to feel like that - you have expressed it and acknowledged it. I too get thoroughly pissed off at being terrorised by my mind and thoroughly pissed off at the limitations that places on what I can do in life.

So I hear you loud and clear and I sincerely sympathise. I hope one of the experienced people on here replies to you with some helpful ideas soon.

Cheers.

[SammyD100]

Hi Jover58

I’m so glad you’ve posted here about what’s happening for you; reaching out for support again is a great first step and hopefully we can provide you with some suggestions that will help you find a way to better manage your panic.

It’s so great that you’ve never given up trying, despite things getting hard at times. I wonder what it is that’s been most helpful for you? It sounds like your partner is a significant source of support, which is great, and the support of a Psychologist has been helpful in the past – I wonder what else has assisted you to get by and keep going?

Feeling isolated is awful but I think there may be ways to work around this. If you’re interested in accessing a Psychologist again, there are some Psychologists who provide ehealth / telehealth services to people who are isolated or are in regional/remote communities. It may be worth checking out this pdf from the Australian Psychological Society’s website about eligibility and access. You would start by speaking to a local GP, who could make a referral for you if you are eligible (based on where you live etc). Hopefully there’s a local GP who has longer opening hours / weekend availability, so your partner could take you outside of his working hours?

https://www.psychology.org.au/getmedia/fd748495-90e7-40d8-bedb-c3d7999cbb2d/18APS-Telehealth-Consumers.pdf

Best of luck working through some of the barriers for you. You have managed to get through in the past and I'm sure will continue to do so this time!

SammyD

[baet123]

Hi Jover58,

Welcome to BB and thanks for joining. It is great to have you here! You are extremely brave, strong and resilient for posting and you should be proud of that.

Like Sammy mentioned above, it is extremely important and encouraging that you have never given up trying. Life isn't easy unfortunately and you are an inspiration to all of us.

In terms of a support network, do you have anyone else who you are able to talk to and express your emotions and feelings to besides your partner? It is amazing that your partner is supportive however having different views, suggestions and support networks is important to.

It is important that once you have identified that your mental health conditions are detrimental to your emotional well-being and quality of life, treatment/intervention would be extremely beneficial. We can't fight every battle on our own (I learnt that the hard way also). Professional help (psychologist, counsellor or psychiatrist) with assistance from your GP and the use of medication is something you should consider.

You are not useless. You have so much to give and so much life left to live.

Please keep us posted and look forward to hearing from you again shortly.

All the best,

Nick.

[Jover58]

Thank you so much for your thoughtful reply 😊

I do have a GP 15 minutes drive from here and I have made an appointment for next week to see him (first visit to a dr in this area). I am determined to drive there myself. There are plenty of places to pull over if I start to feel the panic rising and if I can't get there then I'm not going to get down on myself about it. I'll just try again another day. Yesterday, when I posted, was a particularly bad day. Today is much better so I'm going to just relax and fo things I enjoy.

I will look at the link you sent me so I can have information ready for the GP next week. Thank you SammyD again, your reply has been really helpful and has helped to give me the motivation to keep trying.

😊

[Jover58]

Thank you Nick, I cried when I read your reply. It helps to know people care and believe in me.

I won't stop trying, never have yet, no matter how tough it gets.

I don't really have anyone around me to talk to. When we moved it was 7 hours from all my family and although that might sound like a stupid thing to do I felt isolated anyway as my children are grown with large families and careers so I didn't see them any more when I lived a half hour from them. Don't get me wrong, my daughters are wonderful, caring people but they are very busy living their lives and I couldn't be happier about that. I want them to be happy, independent and fulfilled.

So moving has made little difference to my feelings of isolation. I hope to eventually become involved in some community activities and meet people but that will all take time. I guess I was a little naive and didn't expect the sheer 'openness ' of the countryside to feel so overwhelming.

I will adjust in time, with help, I imagine.

Thank you again for taking the time to listen and reply.

😊

[SammyD100]

Hi Jover

I'm so pleased to hear you've made an appointment to see your GP already! What a significant first step - well done to you. I love that you've thought about what the drive might be like and made some contingency plans to help you get there. I'm guessing you've thought about leaving yourself lots of time too, so that reduces the pressure even further. Your thought, "If I can't get there then I'm not going to get down on myself about it. I'll just try again another day," is perfect and so, so true.

You sound so much more hopeful and optimistic today. Sometimes we can get stuck in really negative thinking and this can really spiral and become self-defeating. Having some positive thoughts and starting to problem solve seems to have really helped turn things around for you today. You can do this!

I hope your GP appointment goes well, and that you enjoy your day of doing some relaxing, enjoyable things (it's great that you know what these are for you, too!). Be kind to yourself : )

SammyD

[Jover58]

I made it to see the GP and he filled out a mental health form for me and faxed it off and told me someone would call to make an appointment. I was pretty proud of myself for beng able to fo all this by myself.

Got a call a couple of days later and a lady introduced herself and said she needed to ask me a few questions first. All fine. So why do you need to see someone? I suffer panic attacks. Ok are you on any medication? Yes, told her what. Oh dear. How long have you been on that? My reply was a long time. She sighed and muttered something like hmmmm ok not good. I already feel stupid and weak for needing medication. To feel judged by a professional didnt help. Despite my misgivngs we made an appointment. That was to be this afternoon but I woke up this morning in an absolute state over driving there. Its only 10 minutes drive but thats along a highway through open country. I couldn't face disapproval again over yet another failure so I sent a text to let her know I couldn't make the drive, explaibed why, and apologised.

The time for my appointment came and she called. Said she got my text and asked why I couldn't drive there. I explained that I often suffered panic attacks while driving and that I hadn't woken up in a very good headspace and the thought of driving today terrified me.

Her reply was to ask me why I thought that I wasn't in a good 'headspace' (yes her tone did emphasise the word) and then went on to ask if I was aware that by not turning up at such short notice it would still be counted as one session and since the plan only allows for 6 session (its government funded you know) then maybe I could try to talk to her about it on the phone, especially if not being able to attend was going to be an ongoing problem. I told her I didn't know why.....I just couldnt think. The sound of ruffling papers. ...so it's just the anxiety and depression right? My reply...yes JUST that.