Sense of Impending Doom

[Birdy77]

Hello everyone.

I have been really struggling today, and I thought writing here might help.

What I am about to describe may sound weird, but it is a true feeling for me. I wondered if anyone else reading has experience of it?

Every now and then, I get this terrible sense of impending doom.

Like, everything, everything, is about to go horribly wrong.

I have realised that I have been having these feelings semi-frequently for the last few years.

A few years ago I experienced an intense trauma in my life, and I'm wondering now if there are triggers, like little, tiny things, that possibly happened before the trauma, that I am not necessarily conscious of, that again happen now, in my life, and set me off on this spiral of doom.

This morning, the feeling of impending doom had me thinking that the police were likely to turn up at my door and take me to prison.

My life is good.

I am safe.

In my house.

Consistently not committing crimes.

And yet ... occasionally this feeling that the world is conspiring against me and everything good is about to implode just takes over.

I understand that it's irrational, but there's something that sends me in a spiral, and anything simple can bring me back up that spiral as well, like a text from a friend, or something tiny like that. It brings me back to safety.

I just wanted to put this out there in case anyone else feels this way. I want you to know that you're not alone, and I thought I might feel some relief voicing this in a safe space.

I'm not really looking for advice or anything, just kind of wanted a place to talk about it, not just for me but for anyone who experiences this.

I feel so vulnerable.

I mentioned something similar to my dad once and he said it's because I have a guilty conscience.

🌻birdy

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful birdy (and a wave to all),

Your ever present halo is something we are all graced with, with or without your wine 😉

I’m very pleased to hear things seem to be, for the most part, improving this week. Well done on having only one glass last night! I know how hard restraint/discipline is with alcohol, so I feel extra proud of you. Your halo truly beams, our friend 🙂

I’m glad you had a calm day with some self care thrown in the mix (e.g. beach walk). It sounds like it really helped your mood...

Oh birdy, there’s nothing “wrong” with you (even though I’m pretty sure that was a rhetorical question). You’ve been so on edge and frazzled lately plus I think your response was understandable...

In all fairness, I would think that most people seeing “AVO” would come to the same conclusion as you. I don’t think this is a reflection of anyone’s/your “character”, but I feel it’s a common understanding of what those 3 uppercase letters typically stand for...

Put it this way, if someone sent me something with AVO as the subject line, I’m pretty sure that I would have a similar reaction too...I would be in shock too...

That being said, I suppose your response also highlights how fragile/sensitive you’ve been feeling lately. How something unexpected/unknown can make your anxiety spiral so quickly...holding your hand, dear friend...breathe birdy, breathe....

But I’m glad that at least now you can take hopefully comfort in the fact that it was actually about your avocado tree. See, it all worked out eventually. Everything will be okay, dear birdy 🙂 Warm hugs...

With Love,

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Hugs Birdy 💛💛

I think Peps has covered it quite nicely. im another who if i seen 'AVO' in an email i wouldve been freaking out!

Hoping your a little more settled now. 💐🌈🦋

[Tess2]

Dear Birdy,

ha ha you made me laugh, an avocado tree, my mind would jump to the worst too I would go straight to panic then read the email.

take care

tess

[demonblaster]

Dear Tweety hi everyone 😊

I just want to add my 🤗 and love to you sweety tweety you have a huge heart and are a beautiful birdy who tweets around helping so many so I'm glad to be here for you amongst these lovely good people.

Love and always care.

Oh tweety I had a walk in water just back, bit ick algae ey and stinky its a beach pool and floated too. Hope yours with Mrs Tweety 😊 is enjoyable too

You're another beautiful person here darlin like Peppy said at hers no matter how you feel still a warmth comes through. Very true 🤗☺⚘

🕊🐥🍃

[Croix]

Dear Birdy&&~

I was not sure which thread to use to talk with oyu, so chose this one more or less at random.

There was no real reason for talking except to find out how you are. It might have been me not paying proper attention but I thought you might have been quiet for a while, which is why I was pleased to see you (fruitlessly) attempting to match my jokes.

Sometimes silence means problems.

I look forward to hearing how you are getting on

Croix

[Croix]

Yes, I know, I pressed the shift key -sigh
C

[Birdy77]

Hello Everyone,

Sir Croix, I was so pleased to receive your message (except for the "fruitless" part, that can can be disregarded right this second thank you so much) ... you are right I have not been here much lately, your care and concern is deeply appreciated.

Deebs you are lovely to drop in here, I appreciate your support so much, you know I'm a big fan of yours. Tess I'm so glad I made you laugh all those months ago, unfortunately I probably won't today, I'm a big sad sack I'm afraid. SN, I hope you are ok. Pepper, my friend 😊.

So, I've been down in the hole. Just feeling very low with peaks some days of feelings of resentment and anger: so attractive and lovely!

Yesterday was delightful and so was I, today is infuriating, and I'm a blubbering mess of frustration.

Without going into all the nitty gritty just at the moment, I'm quite convinced that I have been having some kind of mid-life freak out. Fairly recently I clicked over the big four-oh and have kind of been feeling like as I waved bye-bye to my 30's, I waved goodbye to The Plot as well.

There's that, and there's me uprooting my life and relocating (with mrs birdy and the animals), and this mess that is my head at the moment is questioning whether we made the right choice. Actually though, lately I've been questioning pretty much every life choice. I'm just in that frame of mind. I don't recommend it.

I know what things need doing and changing to increase my wellbeing (including cutting down on the booze as a means of escape), I just need to force myself to implement these things because right now my motivation is hanging around the zero mark.

I am sorry I haven't been supporting you all and new members lately, but I just don't have much in me at the moment.

But I will soon. I will get there.

Today, I am trying a technique on paper called eco printing using clippings from my garden-cleanup, I am about to pull it out of the water, so I will let you know how it turns out.

See, I am feeling better already.

Thank you for your support and care all.

Love,

🌻birdy

[CMF]

Hi Birdy,

I just read your 1st post on this thread. Yes, yes, yes. I get it. I feel like that too at times, like everything is going to go wrong and i can't deal with it. I guess it's anxiety playing games with us.

Cmf x

[demonblaster]

Ahh come here our beautiful sweety tweety 🤗 feel the love warmth and energy coming from that hug darling.

I'm so sorry to hear how you're feeling wow you poor darling you're really in deep aren't you. If only words and love could heal pain.

I remember until I did the 40, age never fazed me and I felt suddenly omg where have those yrs gone. I remember Mum saying people often have trouble with the 0's.

I'm glad you're aware of a couple of changes that'll help as much as a lure it is and as Peps said at hers it numbs but only temporarily...many people don't realise grogs actually a depressant. I hear your motivation issues maybe the fact you're aware is your survival & healing setting in you poor darling.

These sound like simple things but really can calm the beast

• Breathing lovey. As often as you can nice and easy in over 5 secs nice and deep
• Hold for 1 and 2 and up to 6 secs
• On breathing out say to yourself relax and feel your shoulders and body melt.

Also tweety you probably have heard this a lot but it really can help by crowding out down tnoughts is thinking back of good memories you can pick a letter in the alphabet and think of anything that's not a down could be a colour fruit food happy memory, object etc it can spark a memory of good times that associates with happiness.

Tweety how and no hurry for a reply have you been sleeping? The less sleep the more angst we feel.

So glad you've opened about how you're feeling darlin, care amongst many here very deeply for you 🤗🤝

Always by your side and have a hug shoulder and hand extended for you when you need it.

Don't worry about others and supporting just look after you first tweety we need and want you running on all feathers 🐥

You're a beautiful Birdy.

Much love and care. Best with your eco printing, sounds interesting and moving is high in the stress levels honey I hope it doesnt take long for you to settle in.

Fight the good fight tweets. Leaving you with choccy and orange flavoured Birdy seed.

🌱⚘

[Greg61]

Hey mate. Reading your post as a new contributor here I'm six months late AND I haven't read all the replies, but here's my $0.02...lol

i started nodding my head in recognition after about two or three sentences. These were the EXACT same feelings in experienced in 2007.

For some strange reason, uncharacteristically for me, I decided that it didn't make sense, and got my backside to the GP. now my GP was (probably still is) a pretty switched on bloke. After a couple of breaths, I gritted my teeth and told him what I was feeling. I will never forget his reply

"well this is the last day you're going to feel that way "

"you and much of the rest of the male population are suffering from depression and anxiety. Here's how we're going to deal with it"

here I am now, still with both those monkeys on my back, but jeez they're a hell of a lot lighter.

Thanks for sharing your story and hope you're going ok.

cheers. Greg.