Sense of Impending Doom

[Birdy77]

Hello everyone.

I have been really struggling today, and I thought writing here might help.

What I am about to describe may sound weird, but it is a true feeling for me. I wondered if anyone else reading has experience of it?

Every now and then, I get this terrible sense of impending doom.

Like, everything, everything, is about to go horribly wrong.

I have realised that I have been having these feelings semi-frequently for the last few years.

A few years ago I experienced an intense trauma in my life, and I'm wondering now if there are triggers, like little, tiny things, that possibly happened before the trauma, that I am not necessarily conscious of, that again happen now, in my life, and set me off on this spiral of doom.

This morning, the feeling of impending doom had me thinking that the police were likely to turn up at my door and take me to prison.

My life is good.

I am safe.

In my house.

Consistently not committing crimes.

And yet ... occasionally this feeling that the world is conspiring against me and everything good is about to implode just takes over.

I understand that it's irrational, but there's something that sends me in a spiral, and anything simple can bring me back up that spiral as well, like a text from a friend, or something tiny like that. It brings me back to safety.

I just wanted to put this out there in case anyone else feels this way. I want you to know that you're not alone, and I thought I might feel some relief voicing this in a safe space.

I'm not really looking for advice or anything, just kind of wanted a place to talk about it, not just for me but for anyone who experiences this.

I feel so vulnerable.

I mentioned something similar to my dad once and he said it's because I have a guilty conscience.

🌻birdy

[White_Rose]

Hello Birdy

I am so pleased some of your anxiety has been relieved. Going around in a state of hyper alert is uncomfortable and really messes up what you are doing.

Being triggered by the weather because it takes you back to a hard time is perfectly logical. Anything that has a strong link to a bad time will trigger a reaction. Over time I expect it will fade or you may be able to do some work on managing these feelings and look past the trigger. I'm not certain if you have a psychologist or psychiatrist and I admit I'm a bit put out with myself because I don't know. If you do have some professional help it could be a topic for discussion. I know November is a bad month for me for much the same reason.

It's is truly amazing how resolving one small irritation can lift us so much. If it's something you have control over it will be an incentive to fix the problem. If it is not under your control it can be hard to live with and perhaps management of those feelings would be good to learn.

Please remember there is nothing too small or trivial to talk about here. If it bothers you then talk about it. I wonder if your definition of small means you think others would consider it small when in reality it means more to you than for whatever reason than to anyone else. Is that worth considering Birdy?

I have never read a boring post on the forum, your's included.

Mary

[Bella001]

Hello Birdy77 and everyone..

I hope it is ok if i follow along with this thread, i can relate to quite alot of things that are being said here...

[Birdy77]

Hello everyone,

Mary, Pepper and SN I am sorry it has taken me so long to come back here and thank you for your really supportive words, and to say welcome to you Bella.

I have been feeling very tired.

I just wanted to share a piece of sage advice I found about dealing with a sense of impending doom. It comes from The House at Pooh Corner, and Piglet and Pooh are walking along in the forest when Piglet (with his anxiety) says:

"Supposing a tree fell down, Pooh, when we were underneath it?"

"Supposing it didn't," said Pooh after careful thought.

Piglet was comforted by this ...

...

I am going to try this next time I have this feeling. I am going to try to challenge my outrageous thoughts and offbeat made-up scenarios. When I think the cops are going to come knocking, I will say, Supposing they don't come knocking? When I think life is about to be turned upside down, I will say, Supposing it stays right side up?

When I thought about writing this post it sounded, in my head, quite profound in its simplicity. Now I've written it, it seems pretty dull. Sorry.

I think that's all I have the energy to say at the moment.

Wishing everyone a day of peace and calm.

🌻birdy

[Bella001]

Hello Birdy

That doesnt sound very boring to me, It actually sounds quite interesting. I hope that it helps you with your sense of impending doom. Im interested in hearing how you go if you dont mind sharing..

And thank you for the welcome as well

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful birdy (waves to all),

I know you have been really struggling and feeling exhausted. So I think perhaps just take your time with posts and responses...

If you feel like writing, that’s great, write away. But if you feel like crawling into a safe cocoon for a bit, that is perfectly okay too...there’s never any obligation or urgency to write if you’re not feeling particularly talkative (or just don’t want to share), and there’s certainly no need to apologise either.

It’s okay, lovely birdy...we get it 😉 Our hearts are always open to you but there’s no pressure to write if you’re not feeling up to it...

I agree with Bella that there’s nothing “dull” about what you shared. I thought it was moving and beautiful in its simplicity, and highly relatable too.

Hopefully, like Piglet, you will also be able to challenge some of your thoughts to help you find a place of greater inner calm and peace. That is my wish for you this week, my friend, some moments of tranquility and pleasant stillness...

Now, can I gently urge you not to feel as though you need to rush to reply to me? Take your time...I love hearing from you but I love you taking care of your own wellbeing even more...gentle and easy does it...

Love,

Pepper xoxox

[startingnew]

Hi Lovely Birdy

Both Bella and Peps have covered it nicely but i want to be here for you too. No pressure to respond at all, but we are here for you anytime that you need. Sending many gentle hugs to you. Life can be tiring, i find being out in nature can help and your always most welcome to come and virutally sit under a tree with a cup of tea with me and your lovely friends here too for a bit of peace

Xoxoxox

[startingnew]

Hi lovely Birdy

How have you been going?

xoxoxo

[Peppermintbach]

Hi beautiful birdy (waves to all the lovely people here),

I’m just popping in to say hello, and to let you know that I’m thinking of you...I hope you have been spending lots of quality time with your beloved partner, doggies and chooks. Plus hopefully lots of gardening time too 🙂

I feel it’s a given that there’s no need to respond or talk if you’re not feeling very talkative or don’t wish to share. That being said, if you ever wish to talk (though I completely get it if you don’t feel like it), this is one of your spaces to receive the compassionate and deep caring (that you so generously give to so many of us, including me),

Love and friendship,

Pepper xoxox

[Birdy77]

Hello everyone,

Thank you SN and Pepper for your very kind and generous thoughts and support.

I had not wanted to come back onto this thread unless I needed to, as I feel guilty about taking up space on the anxiety forum when there are others who need support.

I felt my posts here would clog up the system when others so deservedly need support.

But now I have been feeling anxious and guilty for feeling that way, and expressing it.

I feel as though I was being ungracious by not accepting your very kind gestures.

I apologise, especially to Pepper and SN. Please forgive me.

Now I am feeling these huge waves if emotion that I didn't know were just below the surface.

Truth is, I've had waves of impending doom, but have been able to rationalise my way out of it.

This hot weather is a trigger.

My dad has always let me know that I'm not good enough.

I am so fortunate to have a beautiful partner who sees light and goodness in me even when I don't, but it's hard to shake the feeling that I'm a disappointment of a person and a waste of space when it comes from the person who brought me into this world.

I'm doing my best, whilst feeling in a quagmire of all sorts of sad feelings.

I feel the weight of the world on me sometimes.

I have tried to be a good daughter, a good sister, friend, aunty, partner, animal-mumma ... why does one person's judgement overshadow other positives?

I still feel like apologising for taking up space here, but I'm crying as I write this and I just think I will press post.

Thanks everyone in this community, you've really helped me this year.

🌻birdy

[Peppermintbach]

Dear friend,

You’re allowed to take up space. You’re allowed to have a voice. You’re allowed to say you’re hurting. You’re allowed to be sad or upset or whatever it is you feel...

The reality is, I feel every single person who posts here takes up space, and that’s okay....you/they/we/whoever are all allowed to take up space...maybe you could even think of posting here as practice in taking up space in life 😉

You’re very kind and thoughtful, and it shows your beautiful heart. But please don’t even worry about it, there is nothing to “forgive” because you have nothing to be sorry for...please don’t stress too much about it. It’s okay, I’m okay....

Sighs, I think you answered your own question. I think those feelingsof inadequacy and rejection hurt that much more because, as you said, he is your dad. Whatever he does “right” or whatever he does “wrong”, he’s still your dad. Whatever he says or doesn’t say, he’s still your dad....

I think if we feel the people that we grew up with (or who brought us into the world) don’t accept us, it can lead to a life of questioning our own worth...it hurts...very much so.

Even with all the reassurance in the world (such as from your gorgeous and loving partner), I feel there can still be an undercurrent (or an ache? a missing piece?) of those feelings...I’m feeling your sadness, dear birdy....

Forever the dutiful daughter. The caring sister. The kind friend. The reliable aunty. The good partner. The devoted animal-mamma...you care deeply for those you love, and it shows...it really does...yet despite all you do, I bet you still don’t feel “good enough” for your dad, and there’s real pain in that...

You sound really exhausted and overwhelmed. I wonder if you need to take a step back from being all things to all people, and just look after yourself for a bit.

Perhaps it would help to just do the things that nurture you, and remember who birdy is when she’s not playing some sort of “role” (so to speak) in someone else’s story...write your own chapter for a bit. Free verse 😉

Personally, I think you’re great 🙂 I wholeheartedly agree with your lovely partner that there’s a lot of good and inner beauty in you. I’m thinking many others reading this also feel the same way.

We see your light...I only hope one day you will see what we all see...

With love,

Pepper xoxox