I should be really excited at the moment.
In February this year, I left my job (14 years in that job, 35 uninterrupted years in the workforce) to follow my dream. I've always wanted to be a full-time writer. I have a number of novels I've been trying to write for the last 20 years but it's always been 'when I have time'. So I saved up enough money to live on for two years and decided to make the time. I'm not expecting immediate results, I know I still need to put in the hard work and might not get anywhere.
My brain is sabotaging my dream. It's three months from the day I left work and I've now put myself on a path to running my own copywriting business. That wasn't in my plans. I've signed up for a small business course that starts in a couple of weeks and goes for 12 months (through Centrelink).
I feel like I'm on autopilot and when I stop and think about it, I can hear this little voice in my head screaming "This is not why we left work!".
I don't know if it's fear of failure, or if my brain is so hard-wired to have a 9-5 to go to that I can't function without a job of some kind, or that I need to see money coming in to feel secure. All ego aside, I know if I go ahead with this business it will be successful (I have a marketing background), but it will consume all my time, I'll end up resenting it, and I'll be no closer to writing full-time than I was when employed.
Why am I letting my head lead me in a direction I know won't be fulfilling?
