Scared of "trivial, everyday" things

[Moonstruck]

Does anyone else share this irrational, stupid, inconvenient anxiety? It doesn't happen all the time but when it does I cannot explain it or know what to do, to get rid of it. It will sound comical, laughable when I tell you but that's OK...it sounds funny to me also. I will start by saying there are certain situations I am active in, at which I exel, where the majority of folk would be terrified. I am brilliant there...and yet scared of this "little stuff" .

For months I was frightened of going to a different petrol station nearby. Prices went sky high at most places in my town, and this one was cheaper, popular, accessible and an obvious choice and for months I put off going there...because I was scared of it. Which bowser should I pull up at? Which buttons do I push to key in the dollars I want?. What if there is a big queue?...so I eventually had to ask a neighbour (who is familiar with anxiety problems) to go with me, just to sit beside me and quietly tell me what to do. Otherwise I would never have "mastered the petrol station"!

Yesterday i bought a new vacuum cleaner. It was a good price, I am pleased with it, I want to use it asap and need to use it. I look forward to using it. I am scared to get it out of the box. What if I can't understand the instructions in the manual? It's different from my last one. see how stupid it sounds? I am scared of my vacuum cleaner!!!!

and yet if you could see what I achieved just recently in a specialised field...you would be amazed at my competency and confidence!!!

WHY am I scared of these trivial everyday things? God knows how long it will take for me to begin assembling that vacuum cleaner which I know, logically, I am intelligent enough to figure out!! So why am I procrastinating about it?

What is wrong with me? Who could help me? Any suggestions or thoughts would be very welcome......have a nice day..... Moonstruck.

[CMF]

I need to do a course for work. I want to do it online. I am too scared cos what if i don't know how to do it, how to get it to work? What if i pay for it and it does't work? What if i fail? what if i don't understand or i get things wrong? what if i struggle to find the time to do it? How long should it take?

[Nicole73]

Hi Moonstruck,

Just popping by to say that you are not alone. When I read your thought patterns about going to the car wash, I could identify with your thoughts exactly. And then I was soooo pleased that you did end up going and that it went better than you had first envisaged. Good on you! I am very similar. I always overthink things and have those sorts of internal questions as well. For example, I recently have moved towns (insert Adjustment Disorder here...but that's a topic for another day). Anyhow, I had to make an appointment for a Dr. I googled searched and read reviews on every Dr I could find in town. When I eventually chose one, I was then nervous because I didn't know where to park. I didn't know where the front door was. Then when I got inside, there were two seating areas, but I didn't know which one to sit in. Then I wanted a drink of water, but was too shy and nervous to get up in front of everyone to have a drink (so I was thirsty until I got home...lol). And the list goes on. Although I don't have a solution or advice for you (sorry), I just want you to know that you are not alone and I sympathise with you greatly. It's not an easy thing to deal with on a daily basis...but you know what...you are getting there...step by step, day by day. Good on you.

[Indirose]

Hi Moonstruck!

I am also dropping by to let you know you are not alone! Thank you for sharing, I can relate to your story in so many ways - ie: what to wear to a car wash! (You can never go wrong with ‘active wear’ 🙂 )

I am trying to pluck up the courage to go to Coles and do the food shopping as we speak.

My pattern of thinking tends to be along the lines of: I need to go to Coles because there’s no food in the house, but what would I wear? What if people don’t like what I’m wearing? Can I get away with no makeup or will people stare? What if something bad/embarrassing happens? Until I convince myself I don’t need to go. It’s tiring and I feel crazy even writing it.

I also wonder whether there will ever be a day where I just leave the house and live my life without spending hours/days/weeks procrastinating and agonising over the minor details.

So glad to hear you got the courage to get your car cleaned though! I will use it as inspo to get to Coles!

[Moonstruck]

Thanks everyone for sharing. I wonder how we "got this way". Perhaps if I knew exactly when it started...I maybe able to pinpoint the trigger, or what happened then...to have this result.

Of course it's not just "car washes"...I know you understand fully, that it can be a host of things....and these are "trivial everyday things"....just knowing you understand and experience it yourselves is helpful. ("Can I go to the supermarket with no makeup? Yep I can identify with that one!!)

on the other side of town from me...is the main highway where all the major stores and electrical chains etc seem to be located..double lane highways, very busy and congested...you get the picture.!

There's a household appliance I want to buy and its on special in one of these well known stores. Right on the highway...Huge carpark....If it were "just down on the corner" in my suburb...no problem.!

But I'm scared to drive out there as I don't know where the "entry lane" into the complex is. Will it be clearly marked? Will I be in the right lane to get into the store....and how do I get out? Just follow the arrows? If I get nervous and anxious while driving in heavy traffic that would be a disaster!

'Just go out to ........and buy one!"....friends say casually as if it was the easiest thing in the world. and so it is...for most people...how do I get over this irrational fear?

[quirkywords]

Moon

I am not much help as I don't drive.

have my own irrational fear, partner wants me to buy a new phone. I am sort of happy with old phone but it has not much storage or data.

month ago when in the big city we wnet to a big store and there were so many choices. Partner says you must choose I started to feel sick and hot and had to escape from the shop. Partner is not happy and I have given up getting a new phone.

It seems so silly I can't be happy about buying a phone. I realise I am lucky to have this choice and I am so privileged and I feel silly I let a little thing annoy me.

So moon I need to get over this fear of making a decision.

Quirky

[Elizabeth CP]

Everyone has things they are good at & other things we've not learnt to do or have struggled with. Unfortunately many people think everyone can do the same things so just because they find something easy they think everyone should be able to do it. My oldest son was like that. He thought because I'm an adult/mother with a university degree I should be able to do everything he could do easily. He had no patience when I couldn't do things using computers, mobile phones etc. Over the years he has learnt that many people from my generation weren't brought up with technology so struggle with it. He is much better at explaining things and helping me when something goes wrong with my computer, phone etc. I'd be in trouble if he wasn't around to help. I rely on him to help me choose laptops, phone etc.

I share this to remind us that the problem is often others including our friends & family just don't understand. Many of us have things we struggle with often due to past experience. I hate driving in busy traffic particularly when in unfamiliar areas so I can understand Moon's fear of driving to pick up the appliance. Maybe try going when it is least busy, use google maps to check exactly which way to go & paark as soon as you see a park even if it means walking further.Walking is easier to find your way because you don't have to worry about the other traffic.

[Nicole73]

I fully understand the driving thing. I often avoid places that I am not familiar with (or will even drive home if I can’t find an easy park). If I find I do need to go somewhere by myself and I’m nervous (nearly all the time...lol), I now ‘google search’ the address and then look at the ‘street view’. This way I can get a good idea of what the area looks like before I get there. I often also find things like bus stops in the ‘street view’ and then when I see it while driving, I’ll know I’m almost there. Doesn’t get rid of the angst altogether but certainly helps a little. I hope this might help someone too. 😊

[quirkywords]

Elizabeth

i agree that many people don’t understand that we have things we struggle with due to past experience.

I see Moon, Nicole and you as amazing drivers as I never got my Licence to drive which I could never manage . When I was on my Ls I would cry in the car and decided after many attempts that at age 50 , I would put my energy into other things.

So anyone who actually has a license seems so capable to me.

Quirky

[Moonstruck]

Hi Nicole....about the driving thing. would you believe I do the same thing sometimes? Look up Google maps, make sure of the connecting streets, try to be 100% knowing where exactly this store or whatever is......(actually there is probably no need for me to do this, as I am not a bad driver really and could no doubt "get there" without all this map and location double checking..yet i do it!!)

Quirky....if you've made it this far without driving, you must be very organised and resourceful....I would go crazy without the sense of "freedom" in knowing I can get in the car and just drive....anywhere...if I have to. A policeman took me for my driving licence on my 17th birthday I was so keen to have it official.

No compulsory driving school lessons in those days...my father taught me to drive..there was a big complex whose carpark was pretty empty on the weekends, so I could practise parking and reversing out etc without bothering anyone.....he was great teacher, very patient....no hassles at all.

[Moonstruck]

Why do I do this to myself? Please, someone tell me you understand....again I am faced with this everyday "dilemma" (only a dilemma to stupid me)...my hairdresser I have been with for years has moved...found a new one I am trying. Not familiar with her address (works from home) and scared of getting confused on the way.....looking at maps, checking location, trying to imagine it in my mind...even thinking of cancelling appointment!!

I know the connecting roads including one main highway which is daunting anyway..planning to do a trial-run today...(this is in my own town..I know where her suburb is, but scared of getting lost!!!)

Second dilemma: want to phone nice salesman to tell him of decision in major purchase...he was very helpful and honest (not trying to sell me something not suitable for my needs) I was impressed with him actually...he arranged for their tradesman at no charge to visit to check out my needs...who also steered me in direction I have decided to take. I know what I am after now and want to let the salesman know I will be in this week!!

He'll be at work soon and I am scared to phone him? What if he is busy with a customer on the floor? What if (and get this folks) what if, he is not pleased with my decision!!! what? what? I am the customer here....I want to give him a lot of money...I plan to purchase an item from him, and I am "scared of phoning and explaining myself properly".....???? see what I mean??

and yet, in another major area of my life, one in which many folk would find impossible to achieve...I excel!! and I am scared of getting lost while driving, and phoning a salesman?????