Scared of getting help from Eating Disorder professionals

[Willowtree_21]

I feel nervous posting this because I worry what people will think. Still, I'm trying to speak up about things these days, because sometimes good things do happen through discussion.

I've pretty much been on a restrictive diet my whole life. I was born with really bad food and chemical sensitivities that impacted my behaviour and physical health - yes, I was the kid whose skin would melt off from using soap. As I got older, and had a tonne of therapy, my food sensitivities lessened but I could never eat a so-called normal diet. Not even a normal healthy diet. I had to watch what I ate, cutting out all the amazing things in the world like sugar, grains and carbs. This was not something I just decided because of food fear or something - these were medically prescribed diets by professionals who knew no other way to manage the gut/physical issues I had. I never liked the diets but they made a really big difference for me. For example, I don't exactly know why, but at one point rice made me feel really paranoid.

Fast forward to my late teens and I stumbled across a great nutritionist who got me to do all these (expensive) tests to look at my gut health. The test showed I had really shit gut health - no wonder I felt so crap and couldn't eat anything. My 'gut' feeling had been right! After lots of supplements and more elimination diets, my gut is much better. I can tolerate pretty much any food, but I still have to watch not overeating grains, dairy.

I also started experiencing body image issues and figured out how to lose a bit of weight as this made me felt better. I did it pretty slow, over a year and a half.

Now, I'm sick of having anxiety about food, wondering if will make me sick again. I also don't like my fear of weight gain and still plan to lose a little more. I want to get help but all the psychologists I've seen so far are convinced it's all in my head. They completely ignore why I had to be on those restrictive diets and just assume any reaction to food is my imagination. Their solution to body image issues is also to make me put on weight - which is really annoying because I have spent a year and a half of my life dedicated to this and I feel better. I want to get to a point where I'm not anxious about food and have a better self image, while still achieving the weight I want. 

I just wish I could get help from someone who wouldn't make me give up what's important to me in doing so.

[Sophie_M]

Hey Willowtree_21,

Thank you for sharing here today. It is totally understandable to feel nervous about it but we hope you can feel that this is a safe and welcoming community.

There can be a lot of shame and secrecy when it comes to eating disorders and disordered eating so it is a powerful step to talk about it. We are so sorry to hear that your experiences of opening up have not been helpful for you. It can feel really invalidating when our concerns are not taken seriously. 

If you would like to continue looking for support, there are some awesome directories that can help find ED-specific practitioners:
- NEDC Service Directory
- ANZAED Eating Disorder Credential service directory

Another source of support and information is Butterfly Foundation - available on 1800 33 4673. You can also chat online or email.

The Centre for Clinical Information (CCI) also has a fantastic range of free workbooks and activities that you can work through when it comes to appearance concerns and eating disorders.

Hopefully that was not an information overload and can be helpful. Once again thank you for opening up here today, we hope this can be a positive step for you in your journey 🙂

Kind regards
Sophie M