Hello Meremortal
I'm glad you reached out to us & BB.
I first wonder, since you say you've been in therapy, are you still? & do you feel able to talk to your therapist about these feelings you are having?
Working with a therapist you feel able to talk to is important. If you don't want your therapist to share anything you say with parents or anyone just ask them not to. It would be good if you could find a way to talk to your parents, so they can understand what you are going through. That might take time, though, so I understand if right now you don't feel you can talk to them.
When I was younger, I began writing my thoughts & feelings. I found that helped to stop them going round & round in my head. I began thinking more clearly about what I was thinking & feeling. Then I could more easily talk to my own therapist.
Maybe that could help you? You don't have to keep anything you write, don't have to show anyone if you don't want to, but sometimes, you might want to rather than speak first about some things you are thinking or feeling. I did that too. I'd take in some of my writing for my therapist to read before I felt I could talk.
You do have a future. I know it's hard to see any right now. But you don't need to think too much about that now, especially while you feel so mixed up with your thoughts & feelings & like you are losing your mind.
Sometimes all I could do was wait. Let the storm pass. & it would. The writing helped, but so did simply waiting. It felt frustrating. It was better than feeling I was fighting a losing battle with my own head. That's why I realised waiting was better.
I hope this helps.
Oh, & of-course, you can write here, on BB Forums as much as you want.
Hugzies
mmMekitty
