scared of bad things happening in the world and terrorism

[Bluegirl2014]

Hi, this is my first post here. I have suffered from anxiety and depression for ten years, to varying degrees. One theme that keeps reoccurring for me is the fear of something bad happening in the world or to me, my family (particularly my children) and my loved ones.  With the terrorism occurring, natural disasters. and wars the world is becoming even scarier, I worry that my children will be unsafe at school and their school will be the target of a shooter or terrorist. I worry when my family is at large community events something bad will happen. I worry that something will happen to me and they will be left sad, scared and alone. How can I live a normal life and how can I support  my children to live a happy, productive life when I live in constant fear? Do other people get scared like this? I feel the only safe place is at home, I don't understand why people want to hurt other people. 

[Zeal]

Hi Bluegirl,

Welcome to the Beyondblue forum 🙂
In the decade you have experienced anxiety and depression, have you sought treatment or psychological help? I understand it can hard to talk to someone about your most personal thoughts. Posting on this site is a great step towards identifying what concerns you and what you would like to change. Your fears of something bad happening to those you love could be symptoms of Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD), but as I don't know enough about your situation, I can only make an educated guess. Whether you have OCD or generalised anxiety, it's important to seek help, so you can navigate through the fear and confusion. I have had OCD since I was 13 and have sought treatment. I still live with it, but it's now manageable and doesn't dictate my life like it used to.

It's understandable that recent traumatic world events have led to increased anxiety for you. Australia is still relatively safe compared with many other nations,  even though this has been jeopardised recently. Unfortunately, there is no way to predict the future and to know that your loved ones will be 100% safe (I wish there was), but there are still ways to cope and to feel secure. Keeping involved with your child's school could help. Becoming part of your community will bring you closer to others, and may help you feel more supported and secure. I recommend seeing a psychologist, or at least your GP. Your GP can refer you to another professional if they think it's necessary for your mental health. Talking to psychologists can be really comforting, especially when you find the right one and build a rapport with them.

You sound like a really caring person, and mother. Many people live with constant anxiety and fear, unfortunately. The statistics show that anxiety disorders are on the increase in Australia. You are definitely not alone with your feelings:) Allow yourself to confide in family members; whether it's your partner/boyfriend, your parents, siblings, or cousins.

I hope you and your family enjoy the New Year,

SM

[Bluegirl2014]

Thanks SM for your support. I have had treatment from both my GP and psych, but I get embarrassed to say about these particular worries, because they sound so silly when I say them out loud. If I do, boyfriend just says, "We are fine here, we are safe,  dont worry."  which. I guess he means well, but it doesn't really help. After being together for many years I think he is tired of my anxiety, and I don't want him  or others to think I can't cope. 

[HelenM]

Hi Bluegirl2014

I can totally relate. I live in Scotland and practivcally all of your fears have been or are mine. Like you, it all comes down to worrying about my family. It's not silly and I don't think Drs or pshychs would think that.

I think it's natural to want to protect our loved ones. A dangerous animal is at it's most dangerous if it's a mother with her young. Like me it's huge in your life. My children and 32 and 34 noiw. Tbh the worry over them eased when they left home. I now have twin grandsons - 2 years old. Because I'm not always with them the worry isn't as bad but it's there. My imagination regarding the boys runs riot, and often I have fantasies of killing the perpetrator of crimes against them. That is the crimes I imagine.Where does it come from?

After many years of worry I had a massive depression. I think I'd exhausted my mind. I'd coped with all these nightmares - a big fear of mine was that I my children would grow up to be failures and have terrible lives. Consequently I worked hard to do everything right. Because my daughter was very difficult to bring up I imagined her living on the streets and abusing drugs. By the time they got to their late teens it was time for me to fall apart.

As I say; where does it come from? Well it was 13 years ago since the depression kicked off and after many years I came to the conclusion that it's the way my mental ill health was manifesting itself. Constant fear. Fear of the future is common in mental illness. You and project it onto people we love. Some people project it onto their work. Some onto fears that their partner will leave them.

I'm posting this now. My dog is fighting for attention. I will type another post in a minute

Very much a twin mind, Helen

[HelenM]

Hi Bluegirl2014

Hopefully you got my post a wee bit earlier.

I've just noticed you mention terrorism in your thread. That's a fear I have and sometimes think that at least you don't have it in Australia - maybe I'm wrong.

Of all my worries over the last 25 years or so none of them have come true (to date. I don't know about today). The only horrific thing that happened was this awful depression - I never thought of that one.

Tbh all the things that you worry about are a symptom (a huge horrible symptom) of your depression. If you stay at home I think you will feel just as bad in one way or another.

As I'm writing this I am close to tears. I suffered so much, as you do now.

I can't say don't worry the chances are a million to one, because a million to one is too risky. I wanted certainty. Anything else is not okay. I think I was living with depression for many years but I thought my thoughts were normal. My thoughts were far from normal, I know that now. My exhausted mind gave up one evening when something, not major, occurred. That was in Sept 2001, about 8pm. That evening my life changed forever. Strangely, when my depression became so deep and life threatening I lost all concern for absolutely everyone and everything. I felt I would sell my soul to escape the pain. The tablets kicked in and recovery commenced.

Without medication I'm not sure where I'd be. But on medication and with lots of help I worry a great deal less. I'm in a very mild episode of depression just now. On my worse days I worry that my grandson's cold will turn out to be a life threatening illness. My daughter sounds down she is seriously depressed, when my grandsons' grow up they will turn to drugs, be killed in a crash  - lots of horrible things lurk in my head. I worry the world will end and my grandsons' will be alone - that thought is too horrific.The list is endless.

I think my mind is like a bee. Landing on different thought and collecting the worry from them. Bees will take pollen from flower after flower. My mind has learnt a lot from bees.

Bluegirl, I don't know if what I have said is of any use. Tell your doctor and psych. Your thoughts are bound up with your mental illness.

Wouldn't it be a dream if when someone said don't worry we could just stop worrying. It's said with compassion but ....

Take care, Helen x

[Bluegirl2014]

Thanks Helen, it's always good to hear. other people's perspectives. I know you're right, I want certainty too. I want everyone to be safe,healthy and happy, including myself. 

[HelenM]

Hi Bluegirl2014

I hope you're coping okay. I thought of you earlier today (it's 6pm in Scotland). My daughter was through with her twin boys, 2years old. As I played with them I kept imagining different things happening to them. I nearly tripped coming down the stairs and felt ill knowing that I'd have landed on one of them if I had. When they finally went I wondered if I really liked to see them, my love for them is overwhelming. I can't help you but please know that you are not the only one.

Take care,

Helen x