Scared my Children are going to get really sick and die..

[Mandalee]

Hi all,

This is probably more for all the Parents out there.. Have any of you experienced extreme anxiety when your child gets sick with a  cold/flu, tummy bug and especially Fever? 

As soon as one of my girls get a slight temp my body and mind goes into melt down almost, the fear that it's something so serious they will die is so overwhelming. 

One common virus that my daughter picked up lasted just over 2 weeks.. I was that scared she seen 4 doctors because I was sure there was something more wrong. 

She is fine now but I was so sure I was constantly checking her temperature and getting her to take deep breaths so I could hear that she can breath fine. 

I get so angry at myself at the same time though because I know it's not good for my children to see this as they will be more prone to suffering the same way. And then I also get scared because you hear people say that if you keep thinking the same thing you can make it happen so I not only get scared something is wrong I also get scared that it will happen because I am thinking it.

I just want to be the best mum I can be and have me children live healthy happy lives I jump and freak out as soon  as something seems a little off course..

Does anybody else feel this way and do you have any coping mechanisms? 

I have not long been put on anti anxiety medication so I am hoping they will really start to make a difference soon. 

Thanks Mandalee

[Jacko777]

Hi Mandalee,

Welcome to the Beyond Blue forums, I am sorry to hear you have been struggling. I do know how you feel, our children are precious and life can seem fragile some times.

It quite possibly is your anxiety that is causing these thoughts and feelings and let's hope that your medication will make a difference. You know all the reasons why you don't want to be like this, it is stressing you out and it's not great for your children.

I know I am overprotective with my children. It's hard but I practice dropping my concerns until they are justified, I refuse to lose energy to something that may not happen. There is an old saying; "All unhappiness is caused by a chord that is yet to sound or a chord that rang out ages ago." Try not to expect perfection from yourself with your children, it is unnatural! All people, including your children, have their own life lessons to learn, we try to give them the space to learn.

You know kids Mandalee, a lot of them are a bit sniffly a lot of the time, we expect this. I practice believing they are okay, until I know different. Talk any time.

Jack

[white knight]

Hi Mandalee, welcome

Jacko has mentioned some good points there.

I was a "panic dad" and I can recall taking my first new born home for the first time. We lived on the 3rd floor in a unit and walking along the walkway I panicked "what if my baby will fall over the ballustrade 3 floors below". Totally unrealistic it was and thats my message here. We all worry about our children but to be so unrealistic is a concern because, as you mention, your children become what they observe and learn and you dont want your kids to learn anxiety.

I learned about my anxiety, sought therapy in 1987 and it took many years to conquer. The remedy was a mix of meds, therapy, muscle tensioning exercises, deep breathing, sorting out our finances to a less stressful level etc.

So try being more realistic with your thoughts. As Jacko said " I refuse to lose energy to something that may not happen".....what if's are not worth the trouble.

Also ask around how other mums and dads deal with issues. Moving towards mainstream is a positive step.

Tony WK

[happyplace]

Hi Mandalee

I feel your worry. 

I did this more with my first and it felt so very frightening.  I would rush to ER or GP fearing the worst.  No one else I thought could take care of him better than me, I refused to put him in childcare.

Both mine had health issues and had surgeries and I made myself sick worrying.  Then I thought I cant do this anymore I'm going to give myself a heart attack! I'm not enjoying it I'm just worrying myself sick.

Since getting help for anxiety and ocd I feel it's so much better. 

My first one does take after me and when I saw him becoming anxious a lot it also made me want to change.  My mum and dad both suffered and I felt I needed to get help.  

your not alone

[Leolion]

This sounds like my life right now. I'm stuggling. I would be interested to know how you are doing now?

[Pgs]

I'm also a pain in the arse around my family when either of my 2 9yo girls even mention they're not feeling 100% due to the anxiety i generate.

My biggest generator of anxiety is gastro, as all i think of is another all nighter of someone vomiting on the hour. I'm hopeless with this. I'm thinking about getting some help with my anxiety because like mentioned above it drives me crazy.