Round and round

[Ikvic]

Hi,
I work in a field where I sometimes direct people to this very website, but
today Christmas Eve I find myself looking for help

I have been having trouble keeping the flow of tears at bay the last 10 days, I find
Christmas period intense as I am a single 38yr old that lives in a different country to family
and feel intensly lonely. It normally passes, this year the thought I might be stuck
Alone in Sydney over Xmas, Im finding it alot more intense, and the thought of being alone terrified me. ( i moved here last year and finding it very hard to make friends)
Every time I'm alone this past week my brain fills up with these thoughts and I can't get rid of them at all, round d and round with the same thoughts, normally starting to cry. These are thoughts of lonlieness, thoughts that noone cares, why do I make an effort with anyone, As its not repaid back to me.

Then the feeling of guilt hits, I shouldn't feel these feelings, im being stupid, so many people are in worse circumstances, its your own fault you dont have friends as you've moved a few times from friend circles,
You dont give presents to recieve, Im being selfish for these feelings.

The guilt that I am not allowed to feel this way is as intense as the feeling of lonliness and my anxiety behind that
Has someone got any tips for dealing with that part?

( I am a glass half full type person, so normally find the silver lining after Xmas and move on, but nothing is lookin very shiny right now.

I got out of sydney and staying with friends and want to be happy, but my eyes well up everytime Im alone
Tips appreciated to get through the next few days, I dont want to bring down the mood here, so I probably won't talk to my friend here although I did warn her not too get me too drunk as I'd been a bit anxious of late ( blaming covid)
Thanks

[Sophie_M]

Hi Ikvic
We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community tonight and are so sorry to hear about what you’ve been going through. It sounds like you have been struggling over the Christmas period. It must be challenging to be away from family. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe, supportive, and inclusive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. We're sure that our community members will relate to these feelings and hopefully some of them will pop by to offer you words of wisdom and kindness.
Stay in touch.
 

[Truc]

Hi Ikvic,

Hi Ikvic,

You reminded me of the first time I came to Melbourne alone I also have no friends or anyone I know in particular, I also celebrate Xmas alone, to be honest, as a human being. we are social species and we can not deny our nature to be social, it is just the degree of it that some people need more friends than others, that is totally normal, to be honest with you, I am an introvert and I know that it is a bit harder for me to make friends, but I still have many friends, I think because the innate curiosity in me to learn from people by talking and interaction, what do I mean by that ? i think everyone can be a source for us to learn from, a 90 year old man or even a teenage, I can be friend with them by learning and listening from them, asking them questions,...etc a teenager may know how to skate, I may never skate but it is so interesting that to know how and why people learn such a dangerous sport but they still want to do it, there must be something keep them motivated or an 90 year old man can give me an insight how he feels physically and mentally when he is such this age, you know, even my girlfriend, I stay with her almost every day but I still have something learn from here everyday, it is endless and I think it is good. Life is beautiful when we open ourselves to listen and to learn from others. People are mostly nice in everywhere if we are willing to take initiative and patient. If we do not have a first step, there will be no second step or 1000th step afterwards. Every step or every action does count in our life. I hope it is helpful and merry Xmas.

[Petal22]

Hello Ikvic,

Remember it is ok to reach out to another if you feel lonely. You would want him or her to reach out to you? No ? So what are you waiting for?

[geoff]

Hello Ikvic, and a warm welcome.

I'm sorry for how you are feeling after moving to Sydney because being alone can certainly affect the way you feel when you have been able to move, whatever the reason maybe and even if it's because of covid-19 only magnifies the problem.

This feeling is different than being alone in a State or a township where you do know people around you but unable to associate with them, than being somewhere else, not recognising any familiar sites as well as the people, so your mind begins to wander, thoughts you only wished that wouldn't challenge you in a negative way.

Progressive isolation can be a common occurrence for those with OCD, and often become a vicious cycle, I'm not saying you may have this as I'm not qualified to mention but have definitely felt this way by suffering from OCD, where intrusive thoughts have controlled what I've been thinking of.

I wonder whether you have had a diagnosis because what OCD can do is isolate you and make you feel left alone with nothing but your obsessions and compulsions, and I say this with great respect.

Best wishes.

Geoff.

[Petal22]

FaceTime your family 😊 I’m sure they would love to see you 😊