Relationship anxiety

[Ghostsinmyhead]

Hey guys - first time poster here & really struggling these last few days with anxiety. Ive been having daily breakdowns and its really getting to me. My partner has been noticing this & suggested that I talk to someone, so here I am.

Ive been in a relationship with my partner for about 18 months or so, we did distance for a while, and we just recently moved in together. I have suffered with relationship anxiety since the beginning but I was better at hiding it/ it was never this prominent, but now more than ever I find it ruining my days and scared it will ruin my relationship if I don't learn to manage it.

My partner has always been the conversation starter in our relationship... the fact is I feel boring, I feel like I have no contribution to the conversation, I don't feel sassy, exciting, or confident. On top of this, I find myself constantly seeking reassurance from my partner. I feel like I'm constantly wanting to dig deeper with my partner to reveal the truth - they don't like me. They always reassure me, but deep down I have this gut feeling that things won't last and I can't shake the feeling.

I don't openly pester them asking questions like "do you still want me?" but rather I deep deeper in conversations asking "what did you mean by that" etc. My partner admits my moods are my worst attribute, because I tend to pick fights about stupid things. For an example, I noticed a necklace on the bedside table that I gave to them (it was a big symbol of love at the time) and I was offended they weren't wearing it for a brief period of time, so I went quiet and didn't talk. When they prompted me, I brought it up and it started a fight. turns out, they don't remember taking it off and apologised and they still wear it everyday. It seems crazy but that's just one example of how I try to read into tiny details and prove to myself that they don't want me

I don't know what im trying to achieve when I do this, because in the end I'm the one who suffers. I just want to be that exciting, sassy, confident gal I was at the beginning of the relationship - more care free and a person that I believe is loveable.

I have spoken to my partner about my moods & my anxiety and they are supportive but at the end of the day I honestly believe no amount of talking with them will help me or our relationship, I feel I need to turn to others for support.

Are there more of you out there like this? If so, how do you cope and make your days better & brighter?

Thanks for reading

[anxiety_princess]

Hi there,

First time posting. I have anxiety and have managed it on and off for years. I have been seeing someone at the start it was really good but then I moved away for work. Since I moved it has been hard and things have changed. My anxiety about the relationship ending and it all being my fault is overwhelming. He said he needed some time to figure things out so I have given him some space (which is so hard). I am becoming irrational and obsessive and it is taking over my life. I feel he can sense it too and it is driving him away. I have very low self-esteem at the moment and know I need to try and focus on myself. Any tips on how to do this or similar experience would be helpful. I am seeing a psych and she has recommended watching and listening to Ekhart Tolle and some other CBT exercises.

[quirkywords]

Hi anxiety princess,

Welcome to the forum .This is a friendly and supportive place.

There are some helpful suggestions by other posters here.

Congratulations on making your first post. It can be hard to write down your thoughts. You are not alone as you can read on this and other threads.

You are welcome to keep posting here but if you want to start your own thread you can do that too.

Ekhart tolle has helped many people and CBT too. It is good you have a psych .

Low self esteem can be very difficult. There is a thread called Do you like yourself? which has quite a few ideas. It is a long thread so you can browse . I think the thing is to find something you like about yourself,or something you can do well. I can tell you can write well and express yourself well.

Thanks again for your post.

Quirky