Relationship Anxiety and rOCD

[HoldOnPainEnds]

Hey everyone!

A few weeks ago I came to these forums looking for help, but today I am here to offer up some advice I have learnt, just as all the kind souls who commented on my post did for me. With this thread I want to talk about what rOCD is, share my story and provide anyone else who is also in this situation with the information I wish I knew when I was going through this.

After weeks of debilitating thoughts of "do I really love my boyfriend?", I stumbled across the term 'rOCD'. Relationship obsessive compulsive disorder is not recognised as an official disorder, rather it is a part of OCD. It involves intense, often anxiety-inducing thoughts about whether or not one is in the 'right' relationship (i.e. do I love them, what if I find someone else attractive, should I break up with them, etc.). It can be absolutely debilitating as although you may know that none of the thoughts are realistic, they compel you to enact certain compulsions like constantly checking how you feel around your partner and asking for repeated reassurance about the 'rightness' of your relationship.

Some obsessions/compulsions of rOCD are as follows:

Obsessions:

- "Is this the right relationship for me?"

- "Is this real love/do I feel in love?"

- "Do I feel "right"?"

- "Does my partner really love me?"

- Other obsessions can focus on certain aspects of a partner's looks or personality, i.e. "his nose is too big!"

Compulsions:

- Intensely monitoring how you feel when interacting with your partner or when you see other attractive people

- Comparing your relationship to those of friends, family and/or fictional characters

- Consulting others and constantly asking for reassurance as to whether or not you're in the right relationship

- Repeatedly breaking up with your partner to see if you feel anything

- Feeling that something bad will happen if you don't find an answer to these thoughts

Please note that these are just a few examples (taken from the International OCD Foundation) and you don't need to meet all of them to have this disorder!

I do NOT condone self-diagnosis, but if you relate to what I have described above then I strongly recommend doing some research on the condition (either by means of Google or, if at all possible, talking to a mental health professional) as it may help make some sense of what you are going through and help set you on the path to recovery.

I wish you all the best and hope you can find some solace in this thread 🙂

-HOPE

[jtjt_4862]

Hi HOPE,

Welcome back, and I'm really happy to see you here again. Hope you're doing well :).

Thank you so much for sharing your story and learnings. This is very insightful, and will greatly help others who are going through what you've just described about rOCD, or learn from your findings.

Jt

[HoldOnPainEnds]

There are two websites which have really helped me learn about and manage rOCD:

(1) google Awaken into Love  - run by Kiyomi and Alexis, there is both a website and a YouTube channel under the same name and it has been a LIFESAVER! They use both scientific research and personal experience to discuss everything surrounding rOCD and how to overcome it, and they address everything in a very optimistic, growth-oriented way. They also run a course on rOCD but I myself have not tried it yet.

(2) Google relationshipocd - the 7 part series on rOCD which can be found for free on the website is maybe a half-hour read all up and really helped outline the basics of what rOCD is, what causes it and how to address it. Not to mention that part 7 is made up entirely of success stories from real people just like you and I - it brought me to tears finally realising that this is not something I need to go through alone.

Of course, there are many other amazing resources online, but those are the two that have helped me the most! Once again, these should not be used to self-diagnose and ultimately you will get the best treatment from a mental health professional, so just use these tips to educate and help manage things 🙂

When it comes to managing rOCD, here are three things I've learnt:

- It is normal to have intrusive thoughts and whether or not we have them is out of our control, but they do not mean we are a bad person just because we have them. When you recognise a thought which triggers your rOCD, rather than worry about it just tell yourself "this is an rOCD thought" and continue on with what you were doing. This is something that will become much easier as time goes on, don't feel bad if it doesn't work right away!

- You are NOT alone in this battle, but you hold the key to winning it. This means you need to take care of yourself above all else. Mental illness is just as real as any physical illness - you wouldn't expect to run a marathon after breaking your leg! Surround yourself with those who give you the strength to fight for yourself. Take it slow; notice the little victories, don't dwell on the setbacks.

- You wouldn't be in this situation if you didn't love them. The hours obsessing, pages of internet articles, the tears and the anxiety are all reminders that you love this person; you wouldn't care so much if you didn't! Ultimately, love is more than what you think or feel - love is a choice, but you must choose to keep fighting for it!

Breathe.

-HOPE

[Petal22]

Hello HoldOnPainEnd’s,

Thank you for sharing your post, I think it’s wonderful that you have come across this 😊 yes there is always HOPE…..

I hope everything for you is going well 😊

[Lee-Anne]

Eternal thank you from me. My OCD friend is hot n cold which I understand.  It is a valued friendship so I need to understand more. You've helped so much x

[Lee-Anne]

Good morning. May I ask as I'm working to understand more? 

My friend suffers with OCD with intrusive thoughts keeping him awake regularly.  

Is it common for OCD sufferers, to not do research to gain insights?

My friend does not, relies on his psychic. 

Thank you in advance ☺️ 

[Happylife]

Hello,

Thank you for sharing your story and insights, appreciate your valuable perspective.

Hope everything is going well for you😊🙏

Take care

Happylife