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Relapse of anxiety after three years-feeling very unwell
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Hello I have not posted for about 3 years as I have been feeling so good and have not had any "major" flare ups of my anxiety. The last three days have been pretty hellish. Both my sons haved lived together in Melbourne and I am in Northern Victoria. My youngest son suffers from social anxiety and depression. He has been up and down trying different medications for the last 12 months. It has been reassuring to know that our eldest son, even though he works and has a full life has been around to keep "an eye" on our youngest. They are very good mates and close. Our eldest has just moved to Sydney over the weekend and our younger son is in the apartment on his own with most of the furniture gone. I am so concerned that he is on his own and has had to adjust to his brother not being around as well as trying to cope with his symptoms. He has a couple of friends that live on the other side of the city and has been seeing a counsellor. The counselling has finished but he still catches up with her at a support group once a fortnight. I think this has definately set off a flare up of my anxiety. The feeling/symptoms are exactly the same as I experienced 3 years ago-waking up extremely anxious in the am, restless, not wanting to be alone, not able to eat, not wanting to be inside, running to the toilet constantly, crying a lot! I have been on a medication over the last 3 years which has certainly kept me well but it does not seem to be working at the moment as I have had a recurrence of symptoms. I am normally a very high functioning person with a highly stressful job in health care which I love and cope with very well. I hate getting up in the morning and feeling like this. I am worried it will last a long time again as I didn't feel better for about two months after the last episode. I have rang the chat line which helped enormously just to have someone to talk to even though I was crying a lot of the time. Is there anyone out there who has been through a similar experience and can give me some hope? I need to stay well for my son. Thank you
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Dear Luciban~
I can relate to your symptoms and know the feelings you get when anxiety increases like that. In my own case it normally is a build up of things in my life that are hard to handle, thankfully as circumstances improve so do I.
I'm sure you are right in thinking your current state is due to your youngest son's change in circumstances. While I can only guess my first thought is to see your doctor and get your regime adjusted to meet the new challenge. It has worked well when you were dealing with a certain level of stress, and some changes in it seem a sensible possibility.
That, together with ramping up all the things you probably do now to lead as stress free and calm life is possible. I use exercise, avoiding stressors, Smiling Mind, and a whole raft of other measures, including importantly things I enjoy, take my mind away and give me something to look forward to each day. Are your measures similar?
Have a look at Forums / Anxiety / SELF HELP TIPS FOR MANAGING ANXIETY which has a lot of good techniques (even if very long)
On a practical note, can you do anything to reassure yourself with your son, maybe more contact, maybe the occasional visit. He sounds quite sensible, going to a support group, something that can be a big ongoing help. Does he have a Wellness Plan (eg WRAP) which he can live by and draw on as needed? If you know he has it might reduce your worry.
Do you mind if I ask if you are facing all this alone. If there can be some other to care for you while you go though this, understand and care? It does make a difference.
Croix
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Thank you so much for your reply. I have been hoping that someone would reply and it made me feel so relieved that someone has experienced a similar thing. I feel so alone and the mornings are absolute hell for me. My husband is so supportive but has a business and has to go to work at 8.30. I find that my symptoms improve slightly in the afternoon but I wake up much earlier than usual and try to make myself relax until it is a reasonable hour to get up, but it only makes me worse. All of a sudden I have to jump out of bed and get dressed and move around, I can't sit still. I feel sick and can't eat. I wait until my husband goes to work and walk half way with him as he has to go in a different direction. I have to walk for about and our or so before I feel like going home. I cannot stay inside and have to have all the door open. I am sorry if I am repeating this from my previous post.
My husband thinks it is best that we don't contact him more than usual as it may make my anxiety worse he thinks. I did not ring him last night and just texted to see how he was and he replied ""Good"" I asked if his new kitchen appliances were working and he did not reply so I had to just hope that he is ok. My husband said we will ring him tonight so I am looking forward to that, as we don't want to annoy him. I will ask him if he has a WRAP plan, where do you access these from? He has a lot of spare time aside from uni as he is unable to work at this stage which I think worries me as he has no one at home at present. I hope I don't sound too irrational or stupid -I don't know why I am like this at the moment.
When I am feeling well I am a very busy lady, working shift work in a busy hospital environment, go to sewing group, go to the gym, visit our kids when we can. I have been very "stable" the last 3 years and have dealt with major stress at work on an on-going basis, worry about my son but I have managed to keep it in perspective and I am sure that knowing he had someone living with him was indirectly helping reduce that.
I am just so scared of the mornings. Did you wake up feeling like this? I am seeing my Doctor tomorrow. She will ask me if I want to inc my medication regime but it will mean side effects when upping the dose etc. or giving me something else to "calm" me down. I would love to hear yours or anyones thoughts. I want to know how to cope with the mornings more than anything. Thank you so much for your kind words
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Dear Luciban,
My daughter suffers from anxiety and she always tells me that the mornings are the worst for her. I am not sure why - maybe because that is when her antidepressants are at their lowest levels?
I think it is great that you get up and walk half way with your husband. Try to keep that up as exercise and fresh air can work wonders 🙂
As a parent, I share your anxiety about your child. My daughter, who I mentioned above, is currently away and is only sporadically in contact. When she first left I was beside myself daily - wondering if she was taking her medicine, if she was eating, if she was sleeping. She is only in contact sporadically - so I had to try so hard to relax and occupy myself with other thoughts.
Recently her bank card was frozen and she was stuck. She called me for help. Then I realised - if they need you - they will call. It made me feel a little better!! I still worry of course, but not as much as I know that she will reach out to me when she needs to and I'm grateful for that.
The big thing is that we need to be here for them and we need to be healthy, in order to help them.
I know it is hard. Nobody prepares you for parenthood! But take care of you too Luciban.
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Dear Luciban,
Glad to hear that you were up and about this morning 🙂 And great news too that your son is coming home on the weekend. You are not being a sook at all!! You are a concerned parent who loves her children. They are very lucky to have you.
The old anxiety thing is very tricky, I know you understand. For years it can be 'gone', but really, it is just waiting to jump out and get you. The good thing is that you are onto it! And you've identified two of the potential causes for it resurfacing. This is another challenge in your life - to get it back in control. But you are on the road to managing it once again - just by talking about it, seeing your doctor and continuing to push yourself to walk and get fresh air 🙂 It may take some time, but I know you'll beat it back into its box!
I don't know you at all Luciban, but I feel so proud of you. Go you!!! And thank you so much for offering to help via the forums. Just being able to chat like this is so wonderful.
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Dear Luciban~
A WRAP is simply a Wellness Action Recovery Plan, and is used quite widely. If you look on the web you will see many universities, such as the uni of Melbourne, and health departments list variants of it. Not complex, just taking note of what's good, what works, early warning signs and so on and writing it all down. You do not need to pay anything or sign up for anything.
Early mornings are a trying time. My method of dealing with them if I'm just lying there with my mind going round in circles is to get up, have a cuppa, maybe use the free phone app Smiling Mind (takes practice) and try to read -or watch a movie until normal getting up time.
There is no way you are a sook, you are trying to cope with something that is very hard
Croix
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P.S. It would be quite likely your (or your son's) medical professionals would be familiar with WAP, I suggest you ask them
-C
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Dear Luciban,
I'm sorry you are having a bad morning. Have you tried to call the helpline from this website? I think the number is 1300 22 4636. I'm sure they'll be able to chat to you and hopefully help. They may also be able to help you while your counsellor is away.
You are not alone Luciban. Know that.
