Regrets caused by anxiety

[BJS76]

I’ve felt stuck and fearful in my current job as a visual designer for a long time. I’ve been there 15 years now, and have become comfortable even though there is no advancement opportunities financially or in title. I’ve spent the last 18 months upskilling and applying for jobs in UX, but each time I get closer to actually getting a job, either through interviews or talking with people in my network, my overthinking and anxiety take control and destroy everything. I am pretty much saying no to jobs because of my anxiety.

The latest one is the one that has really caused me sleepless nights and some pretty dark thoughts about myself.

This was a UX designer position with a local company that has offices all over the world. It was a big pay increase from what I’ve been stuck on for years as well. Pretty different to my current job that consists of three people.

After speaking with the company recruiter a couple times, he and I really got along and he alluded that I pretty much had the job before my interview and we just needed to go through the interview processes. At the thought of change, and fear of failure I thought of everything wrong with the job, panicked and withdrew my application. The regret is now eating me alive at the opportunity I threw away. It’s impossible to know how crippling and controlling anxiety can be if you don’t live with it.

I now see the person who has the job and she has absolutely no experience compared to what I offered, but in her post on LinkedIn she’s beaming with confidence and happiness at her achievement and screaming it to the world. It makes me so, so depressed and angry at myself for letting myself and my wife and kids down each time I do something like this. In hindsight compared to the other jobs I am now looking at, it would have been a really great start to a fresh future for me. Now I feel everything is ruined and I can’t stop ruminating on my failures.

[Sophie_M]

Dear BJS76,
 
Firstly, welcome the Beyond Blue forums. We sorry to hear that you’re having a hard time and and struggling at the moment. The community is here to help and support you through this time. In addition, if you need extra support, you can always feel free to call the Beyond blue Line on 1300 224 636 or Lifeline 13 11 14
Suicide Call Back Service 1300 659 467 or even Men’s Line 1300 789 978.
There are professional counsellors there to help you.
 

[The_Bro]

Hi there BJS76 and thanks for you post.

I worked in Advertising for over 20 years with creative people including art directors, graphic artists, visualisers, designers, conceptualisers and writers. I was the MD of several agencies and worked with wonderful staff, and clients from all walks of life. Some great, some not so great.

I can identify with how you feel first hand. Over my career I hired or worked with people of varying abilities. Some lived up to their portfolios, others gradually improved their creative worth, and others were just complete frauds. Many, many of them suffered from lack of self belief, event those who had created amazing work.

I just wonder if your portfolio speaks for itself? To sell themselves, is it true that UX Designers should rely on past work to showcase their ability to translate user experiences, and must also have a good dose of self confidence?

May I suggest that you spend more time at interview showcasing your portfolio, and responding to questions from the interviewer? As you can sense the interviewers interest grow and listen to their questions, that shows your work is impressing that person, and just might help build your confidence at the same time!

There may even be a company that prepares resumes related to your design skills that can pass on some hints for improvement!

It seems to me you have amazing experience. Have self belief in that, keep telling yourself how great your work is, go in and nail that job!

I am very happy to talk further if you feel that might help.

All the very best for your next interview!

Regards, The Bro

[jaz28]

Hello,

I am sorry you are feeling this way. Anxiety and fear of change are very common, to varying degrees. Have you considered speaking to a professional? That is what helped my anxiety and fear of change.

I think it is natural to feel scared when we are faced with change after so many years in the same spot. But sometimes change can be really good, and if it is meant to be it will be. Maybe there will be another job that is yours soon.

Keep trying,

Jaz.

[Petal22]

Hi BJS76,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im really sorry you are feeling this way.

I understand anxiety and I understand how strong it can be.

I have now recovered from the severe anxiety I went through because of the professional help I received.

Have you ever had any professional help for your anxiety so you can learn how to manage it?

I understand your disappointment with the job, maybe next time you have the opportunity you can try to defy your anxiety and try to push the boundaries a bit….. if we don’t push the boundaries we don’t know how far we can go.

Anxiety and fear don’t care about what we care about.

With the help of a psychologist you can learn how to manage your anxiety.

[BJS76]

Thank you so much for your reply. It means alot to hear from someone who can relate to the industry and the personality types that inhabit it. It truly is an ecosystem of extreme dynamics between the quiet achievers and the squeaky wheels who get all the oil. I’ve always let my portfolio speak for itself as you mentioned, it’s just when it comes to tooting my own horn in areas I don’t have years of experience that I run into massive issues. The imposter syndrome somehow evolves into convincing myself that I don’t actually want the job, and actually forgetting the confidence and reasoning I felt when actually applying in the first place.

[BJS76]

Thanks so much. I’m trying to get some help from a professional but the wait is a couple of months. I’ve also seen psychologists in the past for other issues and ruminations. EMDR helped me reduce anxious feelings on certain issues in my past and I’m hoping to get help in this new area, but I need to make a change quicker than my booked appointment allows. I am finding it hard to live with the frustration and shame I feel in myself.

[Petal22]

Hi BJS76,

Thats ok 😊

I understand how tough anxiety can be to deal with……… I had severe anxiety OCD but I’ve now recovered thanks to the help I received from health professionals.

Its not your fault don’t be to hard on yourself…….. anxiety is like any other medical condition and it needs treatment…. and you need to be taught the skills to help you to manage your anxiety.

You will have other opportunities for work maybe the next offer will be even better than the last one…..

Can you go back to your gp and discuss how you are currently feeling and see if your gp can get you in to see a professional quicker?

Have you ever tried meditation?

I found this to be extremely helpful for anxiety it taught me that I’m not my thoughts but the watcher of my thoughts……. It takes practice…. Look for one for learning to watch your thoughts 😊

Hang in there things will get better.

Im here to chat