Question about anxiety symptoms/signs

Sara7 · ‎03-03-2014

Hi there,

I have a question about the symptoms and signs of anxiety. I have a feeling that I may have some sort of anxiety that is effecting my work. But I look at the symptoms and they don't really match...

I don't get the racing heart, tightening of chest, hot/cold flushes etc. Unless I have to stand up in front of people and do a presentation, or introduce myself. Which I know many people experience!

However, I don't feel this way generally, although there are a lot of other things that I worry about doing (especially at work) such as taking phone calls if I'm not 100% sure of the information I am imparting or speaking to customers in front of my colleagues.

I seem to have a blank mind when it comes to trying to communicate. I can't recall things and even if I can, I struggle with my wording. Then I feel useless, embarrassed and ridiculous. I spent a whole 2 days at a training course contributing nothing to discussion, other than a few suggestions here and there in our group activities. But there was no way I could confidently present our findings. I haven't always been this way, but it's seemed to have gotten steadily worse for me in adulthood and now I'm in a job where it's imperative to have great communication skills and contribute. And I'd like to.

In team meetings I barely say anything. If we have a group discussion about something and I do speak up, I feel that I'm being cut off. It's bizarre actually because I could always chime in after getting disrupted but I lose the confidence. I'm pretty sure that my mind is exaggerating these feelings.

I get along really well with my work mates, I'm pretty easy-going at work and am always finding something to laugh about. Work is actually a very nice environment, but that sinking feeling is always close by.

I avoid doing certain tasks at work because I'm worried that I'll stuff it up. I put it off until I'm alone or I absolutely cannot procrastinate any longer. I'm surprised no one has picked up on this or at least no one has mentioned anything.

I want to be good at my job and it really frustrates me that I do this. Unfortunately, I've been doing it for as long as I started at this job - about a year and I haven't really seen much improvement in myself. Apparently I'm really good at avoidance.

I do have snowballing worries - I am always over thinking. I'm starting to also over think in social situations.

I do have moments of restlessness - I pace sometimes when I'm alone with these thoughts. I'm becoming irritable with things that wouldn't normally irritate me.

It's come close to the point where I could call in sick and I feel like doing so, but I just force myself to go in. Usually it's ok. Nothing bad happens. No one outs me as a fraud. But I'm waiting for it. Even these feelings seem ridiculous because I have this great opportunity to really do something I love doing. I'm so, so lucky to have this job. I'm worried that one day I'll give it away for no good reason except for this confidence issue.

I've stuck my head in the sand for so long and now it seems to have all come to a head. Now I'm angry at myself for letting it get this far.

I'm not sure if this is even anxiety or just a general self-esteem issue that needs ironing out? Would very much appreciate any input or suggestions. Thank you.

JessF · ‎04-03-2014

Hello Sara7, it does sound like your worries are snowballing and it is good that you have recognised that now is the time to do something about it, if you are at the point where you want to call in sick to avoid going to work then things will only get worse if you don't take some steps now. Does your workplace have an EAP programme where you could get some free counselling sessions? Can you do a training course in public speaking/presentation as part of your professional development? I would say that if you have been doing this job for a year and no one has said anything to you about your performance then the 'fraud' feeling will be your anxiety and confidence about yourself rather than actually not doing your job well. But there are some practical things you can do to help nail down the roof, if you like, one problem at a time. Like with the phone calls, do you feel you have the adequate training to answer questions? or do you know the right people to refer things to if you don't have the answers? If it's a job you love then it is worth working on some of these self-improvement skills, it will help boost your confidence and speaking to a counsellor will help put things in perspective and keep the demons at bay.

Sara7 · ‎04-03-2014

Hi Jess, thanks for your thoughts. I do believe we have a counselling service available to us through work, so I'll have to find out how it works. I've been thinking about giving toastmasters a go, so maybe I should take the plunge.

It is one of those workplaces where you deal with lots if different things, but not very often so I've found it a bit hard to familiarise myself with the procedure. I'm the type of person that needs to do things to really become proficient at something . I'm sure there are methods and ways that I can make this a bit easier on myself and keep my confidence up.

Great ideas, thank you.

joanofarc · ‎10-03-2014

It sounds like you are really competent at your job, but it's really important to you to do well at it and that's making you nervous? I experience this, and over-thinking. It's sort of perfectionism but not really, it's more like a fear of making a mistake, whether in conversation or in action so I tend to avoid sticking my neck out. I also don't like talking about my job with others for that feeling that they're discover I'm a 'fraud' and tend to talk myself down.

You say 'I have this great opportunity...' and that to me says it's perhaps the pressure you feel surrounding this, but I don't know for sure, I'd just love to know if you find out. I'm sure you've earned your position through your own skills and talents.

I feel like I'm doing something where I'm maybe slightly out of my depth, but I keep performing at it well enough, but I'm always worried about failure. I've always felt a bit like that with everything though so it's probably a) unrealistic and b) it doesn't really always matter if you're the 'best' at something, lots of people bluff their way through life! I guess confidence and just being able to have a go comes from a sense of self-worth?? For some reason whenever I'm in a relationship I over-think the most, it's the inverse of feeling secure, it's really hard to explain but I feel like I'm driving in the fog sometimes.

I do find meditation really helps me, and CBT. And maybe practice 'sticking your neck out' more often and when you see that nothing bad happens it might get easier. In other words test it out, and you may be proven wrong, but if you don't you'll never know!