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Post relationship blues

Community Member

I’m 49 and I met a woman online who was the same age.
She friended me on Facebook and we started talking every day. 
She lives a 2 hour drive from me. 

5 weeks later, we met in person and we hit it off. We even slept together that weekend. 
We continued talking (mostly online) and we met every weekend for 4 weeks. 
I had a planned trip interstate, so went on that. 
Upon my return, she either pulled away or was referring to herself as her girlfriend. 
She kept referring to herself as my girlfriend. However when I asked her, she immediately says things are not working between us. 

I feel like I’ve been led on a bit. 

She ended the relationship and now I’m finding it difficult not talking to her. 
4 weeks after we broke up, I’m starting to get angry as all I think about is being led on. 
I’m constantly thinking of her. I’m struggling to let her go. When I see a picture of her on various social media, my heart beats faster and I feel anxious and sad. 
I do have thoughts of ending myself, but I know this is counterproductive. 

As of yesterday, I have unfollowed her on all social media formats. So I won’t see any photos online. 

I’m getting sick and tired of her consuming my thoughts. This is driving me insane. 
Trouble is, I live in a rural town and I have no one to turn to for a chat or support. 

Why does she consume my every day thoughts?

I’ve joined 3 different dating sites and have sent 30 different women a message. Only 1 has briefly chatted. 
The rest do not want to talk to me.


Right now, I’m sad, lonely, rejected while missing a certain woman. 

Can anyone help me or give me some direction?



8 Replies 8

Community Member

Hi dazza


sorry to hear about your relationship troubles online relationships are  often not real I’ve had a few myself like that one ended horribly where I had a miscarriage and he left me like literally left me ghosted me all that crap after loosing his baby and him telling me he loved me  after that I was done with online dating ( ive dated since  ( not online ) but not successful as he was too controlling and I’m very independent) my only advice is give it time find a hobby go on walks , ( I had counselling, holistic therapy, reiki , all which helped but took a long time to become myself  again . I actually don’t mind being alone I’m quite happy by myself it’s much easier than being unhappy or in a unsupportive , fake relationship.  She consumes your thought’s because there was no closure , give yourself time enjoy your rural property the peace be fantastic just sit and breathe look at the birds the trees the animals . Try to get off online dating too it won’t be productive to go dating again while u still yearn for this other woman it’s not fair if someone like u and u still like this other woman give yourself time to heal and move on you can’t gain a new healthy relationship basing it on the heartbreak u feel right now . 

Community Member

Hi Blues. 
Thanks for the good advice.

  1. I’m sorry to hear about your miscarriage. 

With my situation, we met and had a lot of fun, talking, meeting each other’s friends. We both were keen to see if we could go further. 
For 4 weeks, she kept referring to herself as my girlfriend. 
When I asked her to be my girlfriend, she said yes, then had second thoughts. 
She wasn’t controlling or anything like this. 
You can imagine us dating.

2 weeks later, I asked her

2 weeks after that, she doesn’t want to be with me. 
While my heart is breaking, I know I will move on. I guess I just have to roll with the emotions 

Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi Dazza,

I think it might be helpful to see this situation from the perspective that I may offer. It seems that you two really did hit it off so it seems to me that regardless how much you could offer her or how great you are as a companion this woman was not ready to commit. The next person could not even change that for her. Usually people that seem committed and then pull back how she has indicates that she wanted the relationship in the beginning however has commitment issues. I share this perspective so you can understand that it is more than likely not you that influenced this decision of hers. I think it's important for you to remember your self worth and what you have to give the next woman going forward. I know these thoughts are consuming but give it time, as time is the biggest healer.

Community Champion
Community Champion


Fern has given a fresh perspective. 
i have dated on the internet and had someone indicate they wanted a relationship then they said they said  he only wanted friendship.


It is hard nit to take things personal. You are a kind person, 



Community Member

Seems like she wasn’t that interested or wanted anything serious ( may have been testing the water so to speak ) I’m sorry for ur pain but it will get better in time best thing to do is keep busy and not let those thoughts of missing her / the relationship that was / could have been.  just think u dodged a bullet there are plenty of other fish in the sea when u are ready and settled in your emotions she will become a distant memory and u will be able to move forward and find another relationship 

Community Member

Hi Fern.

Thanks for your input and kind words. 
I spoke to her today online. She does have a couple issues which are valid as to why she did this. 
I asked her if we could be friends. I truly believe we could be friends and she said she’d like that. 
I asked her if she’d join me for a coffee as friends and she’s ok with this. 
I’d like to share my insights but I won’t pressure her to win her back

If she’s not ready, then I’ll accept that as I know it’s not her fault. 

Community Champion
Community Champion


thanks for your update. Itbis reassuring that you are both willing to try and be friends. I like the way you have gained insights into what happened  and are patient. 

Tonight, I have learnt I’m meeting friends in her town. 
This is the opportunity to see her and possibly get some closure. 
Trouble is..I don’t think I want to. 
As much as she meant the world to me, 4 weeks after the breakup, I’m not really interested. 
Does this mean I’m slowly healing from heartbreak?


 I have to be honest, with me being single for 13 years, being in this short term relationship has shaken me up internally for the better. 
I know I am worthy of being in a relationship. But also, I seem to be focused on other goals. 
I do feel bad for her. Her past has messed her up. So maybe I should see her to see if she’s OK? 🤷‍♂️