Post kitten adoption regret - can anyone relate?

[CourtneyJ]

Hi 31 year old GAD sufferer here.

I've just recently adopted a 12 week old kitten named Henry. For a kitten he's very well behaved (uses the litter box, does scratch too much etc.)

Now I didn't adopt on a whim. I thought about it for a while and did a lot of preparation.

But now I have him home I am f-n miserable. My anxiety levels are through the roof. I can't eat, don't sleep and even forget to shower. I don't want to pet him at all and I cry all the time.

And I resent the changes he's caused to my living space (not being able to have open doors in my house to the bedroom or balcony). I have a 1 bedroom apartment and I've alway been very introverted and valued my personal space and not having to share it with anyone else.

All my friends say that it's a phase, that it'll pass and that eventually I won't be able to live without him. I don't see this happening (probably because I'm consumed by my anxiety).

I just want to return him to the RSPCA and I have 1.5 weeks to decide.

Has anyone else been through this? Does anyone have any advice?

Note: Please don't say anything about "adopting 2 kittens" because that is not going to happen.

[White_Rose]

Dear Courtney

Hello, it's good to meet you. Welcome to the forum.

Buyers remorse is the name for your current situation. It applies in any situation where someone has purchased an item, in your case a kitten, and is then worried about the consequences. It doesn't matter what was bought or why, it is something that fills the person'e life with worry because of the unforeseen consequences.

These may be real, e.g. spent too much money, have no where to put it, gets in the way or stops the buyer doing other things. In general buyers usually get used to the idea and after a while may be pleased with their purchase. However it is not certain they will be pleased later on. I think we know when we have made a mistake. It requires you to rethink your intentions for buying and the satisfaction you believe it will give you. You clearly are very concerned and because it is a living breathing purchase it is so much harder to return it. This is why we have a cooling off period when we buy large cost items or agree to a loan.

It sounds like your anxiety has kicked in big time and is causing you lots of distress. If you feel your life has become comprised in a way you cannot manage it may be best you return the kitten. But first I will ask you some questions to answer to yourself. No need to tell us here if you prefer not. I wonder if you are able to control your anxiety for a short time and think, in a relatively quiet frame of mind, what is the best way forward for you.

OK. Can you remember why you bought the kitten? I see you put much thought in before buying the kitten. What 'rewards' did you expect from this? Have you considered that closing the doors etc will only be short term until the kitten is settled in and will not run away? Can you sit him on your lap and stroke his lovely fur? I know it will be hard. It will reassure you a little and also the kitten who is probably miserable without comfort. I find stroking a cat or dog very relaxing and have had pets most of my life.

Having said all that I will say I had a new dog and was in your position of buyer's remorse. It was horrible and I made the decision to return him. I have felt guilty about this but it was the best thing to do at the time. This may also be the best solution at this time for you. My experience has stopped me from getting a pet ever since and I hope this will not stop you in the future when you have more control over your anxiety.

Love to hear from you again.

Mary

[CourtneyJ]

Hi Mary,

Thank you for your reply.

I've been thinking about your post all morning and your question about what my expectations were going in. I'm starting to realise that perhaps I want a kitten the same way I would want a child (only for the cute, calm moments on my own terms but with none of the drama or work). Which makes me sound like a horrible, terrible human being.

With this realisation I'm torn about what to do. I certainly think it would be a wonderful opportunity for growth for me to stick it out and keep him. I'm certainly capable of taking care of him. On the other hand if I'm feeling so indifferent and resentful of him so early in our relationship maybe it's better for him if I let him go to another loving home?

[onkyo]

Hi Courtney,

I have adopted two female cats and yes your physical space will be infringed upon. It will be an adjustment and I know adjustments are scary but eventually Henry will become part of your life.

I live on my own and in apartment and having my girls has helped me through my anxiety and depression. They are my distraction from my negative thoughts, I don't feel so alone and the love they give is real. What surprises me is when I am having a really bad day, they sense this and they will not leave my side. They comfort me and distract me from what I am feeling and yes they do piss me off too.

Just be willing to give it a chance.

Good luck

Onkyo

[Sophie_M]

Hi CourtneyJ, you may wish to also have a read through this older thread where a member was experiencing a similar issue:

https://www.beyondblue.org.au/get-support/online-forums/anxiety/anxiety-and-new-kitten#qluq9nHzvGGEb...

[CourtneyJ]

Thanks for this link soohue. Very very helpful

[CourtneyJ]

Hi all, just an update here.

After speaking to a psychologist today about my anxiety (and living situation specifically) I made the difficult decision to return the kitten to the shelter.

This may sound terrible but I'm immensely relieved and have no regrets about my decision (other than I feel like a failure and am worried what I will tell people)

I'm expecting that over the next few days I'll experience alot of internal negative talk, self loathing, questioning my decision, regret, guilt and likely a depressive episode.

But I'll be seeking support from my GP and seeing the psychologist again to work through these issues.

Thank you to everyone for your support

[White_Rose]

Hello Courtney

I am glad you have made a firm decision. No one will think you are terrible, simply someone finding the way forward. It can be hard so it's good you have the support of your GP and psychologist.

It may have been an opportunity for growth but only if/when you are ready for the next step. However you still go forward with the insight you have gained about the kitten. Having a child is a more serious event and no possibility of taking it back. So well done for recognising your motives for both scenarios.

When your self talk gets abusive remind yourself that you tried and realised you were not yet ready. This is not something to beat yourself up about and I feel pleased for your relief. I think if we listen to ourselves/our bodies we can avoid some of the situations we get into. Listening to your body, as opposed to your brain, you can learn to recognise what is happening and if it's good or not. The relief you have over returning the kitten is a great example of this.

I think it's great to work through this event with your psychologist and learn as much as you can. Remind that black dog (AKA anxiety) that you did make a mistake but have recognised it and taken the appropriate steps. You are as human as the rest of us and you are learning every day.

Mary

[Rod_NR93]

Hi CourtneyJ

I am in almost the exact same situation. I adopted a kitten only three days ago and feel I have to return it. I too thought long and hard about this. My reasons are similar to yours. Having the kitten has almost turned my home life upside down. The cat also demands my constant attention. I can't handle it. I've decided to reassess on Monday. I feel just awful though.