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Please dont judge me
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16-06-2014
08:54 PM
My name is... lets just call me anon21.
For years now ive faced depression and social anxiety that I swear borders on agoraphobia. I'm also insanely paranoid to the point I cover all camera lenses on all my digital device and have massive trust issues (I got a new phone 2 months ago, havent been able to answer a single call). I've faced a lot of judgment and have faced several issues that have made me scared of all that is outside my home. This ranges from being bullied throughout my school years to being beaten black and blue by my "friends at the time" while it was filmed and i was laughed at by a crowd of at least 20 people at a train station during the incident. I was set up by them regarding something that was not their business, totally unjustified. I'm guessing thats a primary factor towards my massive trust issues. After this incident, I didnt leave my home for 11 months, I couldn't even set foot in my backyard. Years have passed since then and i still find myself in the same situation, though I occasionally force myself to leave the house just so I can say to myself "See, this isnt so bad, you're just as safe here as you are at home". Whenever i go out, I have this thought recurring in my head saying "you shouldnt be here, its not safe", Regardless of the place. Recently it has started manifesting itself in physical ways and whenever im out, for every second, I feel like im going to wet myself, regardless of previous toilet trips. I couldnt even stay the night at my best mates (known for 9 years) place 2 weeks ago without having to go home due to almost having an anxiety attack. Having already being a sufferer of Depression, The feeling that my bedroom is a prison has added weight onto it, I feel hopeless. I had to leave my previous workplace due to the anxiety/depression, which didnt feel good as I let down the people I worked with and didnt provide notice or a reason why I left. I self harmed for a long period of time but havent in years now, Just as well, I could never feel good working in short sleeves due to my scars.
I'm considering applying for DSP due to the fact that I dont see myself as being fit to work due to my psychological issues which have started causing physical distress, Would this be a viable idea?
Could someone also provide information on whether or not centrelink will pay for a psychologist for me? (Not that it would be easy for me to get to with my conditions)
P.S had an anxiety attack posting this as its so personal. 😞
For years now ive faced depression and social anxiety that I swear borders on agoraphobia. I'm also insanely paranoid to the point I cover all camera lenses on all my digital device and have massive trust issues (I got a new phone 2 months ago, havent been able to answer a single call). I've faced a lot of judgment and have faced several issues that have made me scared of all that is outside my home. This ranges from being bullied throughout my school years to being beaten black and blue by my "friends at the time" while it was filmed and i was laughed at by a crowd of at least 20 people at a train station during the incident. I was set up by them regarding something that was not their business, totally unjustified. I'm guessing thats a primary factor towards my massive trust issues. After this incident, I didnt leave my home for 11 months, I couldn't even set foot in my backyard. Years have passed since then and i still find myself in the same situation, though I occasionally force myself to leave the house just so I can say to myself "See, this isnt so bad, you're just as safe here as you are at home". Whenever i go out, I have this thought recurring in my head saying "you shouldnt be here, its not safe", Regardless of the place. Recently it has started manifesting itself in physical ways and whenever im out, for every second, I feel like im going to wet myself, regardless of previous toilet trips. I couldnt even stay the night at my best mates (known for 9 years) place 2 weeks ago without having to go home due to almost having an anxiety attack. Having already being a sufferer of Depression, The feeling that my bedroom is a prison has added weight onto it, I feel hopeless. I had to leave my previous workplace due to the anxiety/depression, which didnt feel good as I let down the people I worked with and didnt provide notice or a reason why I left. I self harmed for a long period of time but havent in years now, Just as well, I could never feel good working in short sleeves due to my scars.
I'm considering applying for DSP due to the fact that I dont see myself as being fit to work due to my psychological issues which have started causing physical distress, Would this be a viable idea?
Could someone also provide information on whether or not centrelink will pay for a psychologist for me? (Not that it would be easy for me to get to with my conditions)
P.S had an anxiety attack posting this as its so personal. 😞
11 Replies 11
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24-06-2014
09:33 PM
Still havent been to the doctor for a health plan or psychologist referral yet. This would be due to the fact im up at night and sleep in the day because i cant stand many people, or my anxiety acting up the days i am able to go. I'm hoping to get there first thing tomorrow morning, knowing that i'll be up all night anyway.
Feeling pretty low right now, and thats an understatement. listening to music to try keep my mood the slightest bit bareable, it's not working.
What is it with some people and trying to make me feel like they're above me?
Sometimes I wonder why I bother trying, Life hurts.
Feeling pretty low right now, and thats an understatement. listening to music to try keep my mood the slightest bit bareable, it's not working.
What is it with some people and trying to make me feel like they're above me?
Sometimes I wonder why I bother trying, Life hurts.
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25-06-2014
07:58 AM
Matt,
Is it possible for you to get living out of home allowance? I had toxic parents too and even though you may feel like you're 'over exaggerating' or 'complaining' they're still obviously not good to be around in a time like this. I rang centrelink and told them we fought and I didn't feel safe, I did whatever I could to move out to get away and you could board with some people your age and you could maybe start to feel better, I did, it worked really well for me. You need to get to a doctor stat and get some medication and something to help you sleep, you need to also make sure you're eating proper good food and drinking 2/3 litres of water a day. You'd be surprised how much better that alone makes you feel. Get onto it, I'm worried about you. Hear if you need someone to talk to.
Love Cas ❤️
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