Panic Attacks due to Work Related Travel & being away from partner.

[Tobik]

Hi all,

Earlier this February I have been given the opportunity to work oversees for 2-3 months as part of a work exchange program at my workplace. I keep hearing how fast this time will go by, but when I break it down to the many lonely, cold days in a foreign country by myself away from my partner, I hardly think the time will fly. Having been in a very happy and loving relationship for over 4 years now, I was reluctant to take this opportunity. Both my partner and I are very dependant on one another emotionally and don't cope well after a week of separation (even days). Having shown that reluctance at once, management were willing to go for the 2 months offer and I basically left the meeting feeling like I had no choice in the matter. I have to add, I am quite an introvert attempting to behave like an extrovert and playing the leadership role because that's where my career is naturally leading me. In addition I work in a company of very aspiring individuals many of whom would jump at the opportunity, but many of whom wouldn't. When the time to book flights finally came, a few days later I told my manager that I have been feeling really distressed about the matter and would like to cancel the trip. I didn't tell my manager that I have been experiencing really bad panic attacks consisting of shortness of breath, racing heart and nights full of tears and insomnia. As a result another coworker went in my place this time and I am now expected to go at the end of the year in place of her, having been told to think about, that I might regret not going and that I should be thinking of this as an 'award'. Well in fact this feels more like punishment than an award. Either way, following further discussions with my partner we made a decision for me to go there for the sake of a career only I am not really sure where I want my career to be in 5-10 years... At this point, cancelling this trip again is embarrassing, yet ever since the news was given to me in Feb, I have not stopped getting panic attacks. It's been two months and there's 5 more to go. I feel like a weak-minded, insecure person unable to make myself heard and too embarrassed to cancel the trip yet again. I can't tell if I've got actual anxiety issues, separation issues or whatever else is causing me to feel this way. I have tried to stay positive and tell myself that it's ridiculous to feel this way. Any advice would be appreciated.

[geoff]

hello Tobik, I can see every logical reason why you don't want to go o/s, especially when you are in a loving r/ship, because to draw the two of you apart would be horrendous.
You know if you are away for this period means that firstly you won't be able to do your job properly, and indeed depression will come over you, as well as for your partner, it would be disastrous and that's why you have postponed it, and the closer the date comes for you to replace this other person, you will become worse.
If you refuse to go it may cost you your job, but if you are qualified enough to be posted o/s then you shouldn't have any trouble getting another job, but if your love is that strong then that's what you need. Geoff.

[Tobik]

Hi Geoff. I definitely don't feel like I'd lose my job and I'd say that I am working in one of the best working environments compared to many companies out there in the industry. Yes, technically I could find another job, but I feel like I've got it pretty good as it is. By day, I've got clear thinking and I see the positive side, by night, emotions take hold. Thanks so much for your advice.

[Nervybella]

Hi Tobik,

What a situation you find yourself in! I can totally understand how terrifying it must seem to be sent overseas away from your loved ones.

No doubt you have weighed up all of this, but reading your post the following questions came to mind...

1. Can your partner come with you for some or all of the trip? Is it possible for them to even just come for a long weekend? Or is it too far away?

2. If you were to cancel the trip, what would happen to your position? If you don't think this decision would have huge repercussions on your career, or even if you don't care if it does, I would go with your heart.

I'm big for following your gut instinct. Deep down I bet you know what's right for you to do.

If you don't mind me asking, what do you do for a job? It sounds exciting to be in an industry where you can get sent overseas 🙂

Best,

Bella

[Nervybella]

Hi Tobik,

Hope you are doing well. Have you managed to speak to your boss? Hope you are feelin and doing ok.

I know it can be hard to post on here but I personally have found it very helpful. Everyone here is super supportive and non judgemental.

Hopefully speak soon.

Best, Bella