panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[Sparkles183]

Hi karen,

I been thinking of you it sounds like u have been going through a hard time please remember you have been through a a lot in your life time and you have came along way you are very strong person a lot stronger then you think, I am so proud of you for calling BB, I am sure they are not sick of you remember they are there to help. I hope things get better soon take care big sis 

sparkles 

[Sparkles183]

Hi j,

I am such a proud baby sis right now that you managed to finish the boat yay, I know you have been working so hard on it so I just want to congratulate you....

i am really look forward to seeing your boat and I am sure I will like it, so have you been drinking plenty of coffee for me? I hope so.

i am so sorry to hear that you that you have been having such a hard week and your shaking has become uncontrollable I truly do hope things get better soon, until then please try to relax I know it is hard for people with anxiety to try to  relax but it may be worth a try to find some mindfulness meditation apps to help you forget about what's going on in life and bring you into the moment. As I am writing this I realise maybe I should do the same.

anyway I hope you have a good weekend and u don't run out of coffee, lol 

take care 

sparkles b

[Sparkles183]

Hi karen

thank you for your encouragement, I did treat myself yesterday I took myself and my niece to a chocolate restaurant it was so yummy. Now I have to focus on cleaning my house it looks  like a dump, but instead of feeling guilty about my house I have to tell my self it is ok I just went through 4 weeks of 12 hour days and having depression it is hard to find the motivation to do simple tasks such as cleaning, but I am proud of myself for making it through the last 4 weeks.

I am still hoping things get better for you, I believe because I saw my mum overcome the traumatic ex of abuse and she is now happily married to wonderful man who does not want to see her hurt. I believe you overcome it too it just takes time.

take care

sparkles  

[angelite]

Hey J

I went to get my car and they had made a complete mess of it. I could have done better. I've restored numerous cars including full spray jobs and never made the mess they did I was so upset. The man I'm dealing with is so tall just makes it through doors, he also has a thick German accent. In the end I refused to take the car and asked for it to be resprayed. Told him would he be happy if it was his car. So he said that they would do it again.

I was such a mess after I left something so simple leaves me in a very dark place that I couldn't get out of. The anxiety was horrible and consumed by darkness. I ended up having to ring bb again. I feel so weak and pathetic having to rely on bb to get myself through the day. The symptoms are just so bad. I no I'm going to end up back in the mhu its just a matter of how much longer I can hold on.

A private hospital would be a better option that's what the mhu said that they could provide the care I need. I know Amber suggested one but unable to remember the process and where.

I got my car back on Saturday I was terrified to go back but I went, it looks a lot better now. The man gave me a bunch of flowers that were in a beautiful box with ribbons and I was so embarrassed, also a box of chocolates.  I've only ever had flowers from you and I think it was amber. The only was I managed to speak to the man was by thinking of you, sorry but I just kept thinking how kind and caring you are he was just so tall. I have to keep challenging the fact that there are nice men out there they are not all like my husband.

I didn't make the Dr this week it proved to be too difficult and so worried that if he saw me like this I'll end up back in the mhu. Try again next week.

There really are no words how bad the nights are as if the days aren't bad enough. Even after trauma counselling I cannot get any relief from the flashbacks have to experience being violated over and over is just torture and the abuse it leaves me in such a dark place and felling really unsafe. Even with all the techniques I have learnt its so difficult to come back from then the anxiety. Its just not worth sleeping. Only get a couple of hours if I'm lucky. I sure you know how it is. Then there is just another day to get through hour by hour.

J try to write down what is causing you so much anxiety about Christmas, I know it will be difficult with the shaking so bad. But I want to help with strategies to get through this.

Thinking of you

Karen

[jacques]

Hi Big & Little sis,

well i am feeling better today, i was so exhausted over the past week i slept really well last night, for the first time in a long time, seems to have helped.

Well, Karen, oh boy, you managed such a beautiful picture for your profile picture, she/he is so cute, i take it you took the pic on your usual bush walks, he/she looks so content, i just love Echidna's, i don't see to many of them where i live.

i am so proud of you Karen, i find it hard to believe you are new to technology, you are so easy to teach, i wish i could have learned as fast as you, please make sure you treat yourself for such an achievement, you deserve it.

Sparkles, i am so proud of you, just one week to go now, yay, you should be so proud, you didn't give up even when you were treated poorly, you toughed it out and won, you didn't allow other peoples agression to deter you, and you are now stronger for it, and you have got the heads up that you have passed too, so congradulations, i wish i could send you a bunch of flowers to celebrate.

take care girls, i am thinking of both of you, rest up the both of you, it is a new week.

Jacques

[angelite]

Oh Jacques

That is TRULY MAGNIFICENT.....

You must be so proud, you are so talented and shows so much courage and persistence when your shaking is bad .....wow

I must be the only one in the family without a talent.

Really I'm lost for words but thank you for sharing something so special. J you are awesome.

Thinking of you

Takecare

Karen

[Sparkles183]

Hi J,

Your Boat looks amazing, A job well done

[jacques]

Hi Karen,

i have just read your recent post on Depair...Please Care..., oh my gosh i so agree with you i would much rather be alone and happy than have someone and be miserable, this is the reason i pushed everyone away years ago, i was not happy having friends, all of the stress and anguish, i thought it was just easier to be alone, i have no interest in wealth either, i just want enough money to survive, i am not interested in owning things either, so many of my family are obsessed with haveing the best of everything, they are not happy but they have everything, just give me a quiet place, no people, enough money to eat and a comfortable bed ad i am set.

i thought i was the only one that thought this way, i am so happy you think the same way, it looks like if you and i can get anxiety under control we are well on our way to being happy.

anyway i was just excited to read your recent post, take care, and have a good night big sis.

Jacques

[angelite]

Hi J

You need to take the credit for that. You are a awesome teacher, even if the picture is side ways. Lol 

I'm so glad you are feeling better use that time to gain strength for the challenges coming up.

I use an android tablet, or my mobile, still trying to get the hang of it. I'm a bit worried because a message came up on the tablet that some one was trying to get access to my passwords ad information, but I didn't know what to do.

I have my husbands laptop but there is some really disturbing stuff on it and when I tried to delete information it is still there. So I don't use it, just makes me too upset to see what was happening behind my back. So stupid. 

Hope your mums car is up and running again.

Thinking of you

Karen

[angelite]

Hi J

Finally its morning the birds as singing, I hope you enjoy your walk and have a good day. Maybe the sun will shine today. I've bhad enough of the black clouds.

Thinking of you

Karen