panic attack at seeing people i know

[jacques]

hi there,

i am trying to leave my home more regularly as part of CBT to try to overcome my arophobia as well as other anxiety related problems, yesterday i when down the street with my mother to pay some bills, while sitting in the car i saw someone i knew from highschool 15 years ago and had a full panic attack, (fast breathing, full body shaking, seating, wanting to vomit, wanting to get out of the car and run to the safty of home), i don't know if this person even recognised me because it was so long ago, i am always so frightened to see anyone i know, this is partly the reason i do not leave my home, it is made even harder by the fact i live in a small town.

 i seem to find it harder and harder to want to go out, even just to sit in the car.

[AGrace]

Hi Guys,

I've just been reading you recent posts and it seems like fear is a common theme for all of us. I also hear references to bravery quite a bit (and trust me, I'm not a walking miracle!). So I wanted to pose some questions to you all, which I hope you will feel comfortable to respond to, in your own way, without fear of judgement.

Where do you think fear in general comes from?

Where do your personal fears stem from?

What benefits does fear hold?

 Are most of your fears rational or irrational?

What does bravery mean to you?

How do you show courage in your day to day life?

Where does courage come from or how do you acquire it?

Do fear and courage/bravery coexist?

I'm really interested to hear your responses. It also sounds like a lot of you are fearful of what you write in your posts because you have had some emails of caution from beyondblue, so I also wanted to ask you all "What do you think the intent of the forums is?" and "What do you want to get out of the forums personally?" (not why you post, but what you hope to gain)

Amber x

[jacques]

Hi LR,

it is so good to hear from you again, the ferrets sound like so much fun, i don't own any animals, but enjoy looking at animals in the wild, i am sitting at the window right now looking at the birds playing in the sprinkler, (taking water away from the lawn), lol, but i don't mind as long as they are having fun.

yes you should go back to gardening, it is such a good way to take your mind off of things, and allow you to be in the moment, (Amber will be so proud of me;p).

Take care of yourself and hope to talk soon.

Bye

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi LR,

Sorry i hit the wrong button, i don't know about helping so many people, how can i help anyone else when i can't help myself, but thank you it is much appreciated.

it is so frustrating, having fears, but not all of my fears are in my head, most of the mare, but not all.

i just wish if i could relive my life i could do things different, but what is done is done and i will have to live with it.

Bye

Jacques

[jacques]

Hi Amber,

You Think too little of yourself, what you have managed to achieve is amazing, to turn your life around and with your past, being able to move on and live life again is amazing, i know it was hard work, but you did it all the same.

ok so hear goes, i hope ome of this gets through the forum T&C.

All of these answers are my own honest answers

Q1: Fear is a learned response to life events

Q2: My Personal fears stem from my early childhood, not that i know what it is, but i know i have been consumed with fear all of my life, sometimes i wonder whether i have Autism or Autism spectrum as i really struggle with change.

Q3: Fear keeps me safe, stops me from doing stupid things and messing up my life any more than i aready have.  fear is my friend and enemy all at the same time (if that makes any sense).

Q4: Most fears are irrational, but as the saying goes "just because someone is parinoid does not mean they are not being watched" their are some rational fears, but for me it is hard distinquishing the two.

Q5: Bravery means people being able to live a life where they can work, have relationships, drive without fear, and live a life like the rest of society.

Q6: I Don't, courage to me is for someone else, i just want to hide away from the world and disappear. (i know it is a strange thing to say considering i come hear, but what i mean is from face-toface contact)

Q7: Courage comes from conqering your own daemons, and ias i read in a book "feel the fear and do it anyway"

Q8: yes they can coexist you Amber are a walking example.

the intent of the BB is to help people, and as i have said in other posts i still don't know what i come hear for, it seems to have become an obsession for me, i just can't stop looking at it several times a day.  but because all i have to hold onto is my future plans and my mothers care for so long, it is something i will not let go of, it is the only thing keeping me sane these days as well as talking to all of you.

I hope these answers do not upset anyone, as i am just trying to be honest and i can't believe how comming hear makes me think of things i have not thought of in years and in some cases decades.  somethings are nice to remember, but a lot i would like ot forget.

Thank you Amber, i hope the answers are ok

Bye

Jacques

[AGrace]

Hi Jacques,

I was actually wondering whether you would reply at all to my questions, so thank you for proving me wrong:-P BTW there were no right or wrong answers. I only wanted your view points. I feel compelled to respond, but not to correct you only to provide an alternate point of view, perhaps one worth considering.

Fear is a learned response to life events - The actual definition of fear is an unpleasant emotion caused by the threat of danger, pain, or harm. It is predominantly innate (as it's an emotion) however it can be learned by watching others' responses to these stimuli. Rational or real fears serve the purpose to protect us however irrational fears only prevent us from finding a path to a life worth living. Any fear that is learned can be unlearned, so I'm guessing if you feel that your fears are a learned response then you can unlearn them.

Fear keeps me safe, stops me from doing stupid things and messing up my life any more than i aready have. Fear is my friend and enemy all at the same time (if that makes any sense). - What positive aspects of life does fear prevent you from participating in?

Rational / Irrational it is hard distinquishing the two - I wonder whether you've ever thought to name your fears (ie I'm afraid of...) and then coming up with evidence to support or disagree with their reality?

Courage comes from conqering your own daemons, and ias i read in a book "feel the fear and do it anyway" - I'm not sure if you read in my post to Sparkles that I'm reading a book at the moment called "what's Holding You Back"? I think you should have a look at reading it. How are you conquering your demons? Maybe seeing your Dr might be one thing you could conquer by the end of this year? Have you thought about writing your Dr a letter to try to explain some of how you're feeling? Perhaps you could extract from some of your posts here so you don't have to worry about doing too much talking?

yes they can coexist - How do they coexist for you? Is it worthwhile having a bit of both?

 but because all i have to hold onto is my future plans and my mothers care - This is all you choose to hold onto, it's not all you have, you have plenty more, you just need to open your heart and your mind to receive it.

some things are nice to remember, but a lot i would like ot forget - Every person on this planet feels the same way.

Let me know if you want me to answer any of the Q's.

Thanks for your honesty. Amber:)

[jacques]

Hi Amber,

Here comes my next email from BB;)

 i know you are trying to change my thinking on life, but one thing that puzzels me is when does a learned behaviour become second nature, a subconsious response to any kind of change, for example, i have always thought in a negative way, i can't remeber ever being positive in my whole life, how do you change something that is you, that is your soul (almost), your identity? their is pobably no answer, and i am not expecting one, but, i just can't seem to think any other way, not to mention life has got progressivly worse the longer i go on, not one time in 32 years has life become more enjoyable, i am content to just exist for as long as is required, to be content with what i am.

I know every person wants to forget something, but for me it is m whole world, i think about all the bad decisions i have made everyday, my life is consumed by it, i will never get over it or ever forget, it is just the way it is for me.

fear for me has not prevented me from living a happy life, i was never going to have that, and the more i see of the world the more i have come to realise that my life is probably better being isolated as i don't like what the world has become, i don't want any part of it, i know their is some good in the world, but for me it just does not outweigh the bad in the world.  maybe i have seen to many horrible things to see the world any other way, it is a shame their is not more people in the world like all of you on BB, the world would be a better place to be in.

Actually Ambe ri have thought of the positives and negatives of the fears i have, most nights when i wake up with a panic attack i think about how fear has stoped me doing things and how it has stoped me doing bad things, but for me the fears are a god send, they have helped me make good decisions to traumatic events in my life.

i have to see the doctor in 3 weeks, because i need more medication, i don't think i will make any changes this time, because i have to go away at Christmas, and i don't want any negative reactions during that time, but when i get back my next appointment will be in July next year, so i will speak to him then.

i hope i have not made anyone feel bad, this is just the way i think all the time, i have toned it down for this forum, as my thoughts get much darker than this, by a long way, i am always having to censor what i say hear and to anyone else, as i know how upsetting my thoughts can be to others.

Take care

Jacques

[Sparkles183]

Thanks LR

My doctors appointment went ok and I got my clearance.

I hope you are having a better week and feeling a bit better.

stay strong  

Sparkles

[Sparkles183]

Thank you Amber

You are welcome to answer my post and ask me question’s any time you like.

It is nice to know I am not alone in my anxiety’s and fears and the good thing about this forum is we can help each other overcome them.

I have been reading  your other post about mindfulness and I am quite interested in it. I might just have to look up that lady on youtube thank you for the suggestion.

Re your question’s I will try to answer them as best as I can as I have  a bit of a brain fog at the moment, and thank you for saying no answer is wrong as the when I first read the post my first thought is what if I answer the questions with the wrong answer

.1) Where do you think fear in general comes from?

Responses to past experiences and a response to future events where you think you may be some kind of danger or pain both physical and emotional.

2) Where do your personal fears stem from?

Past events from throughout my life and high expectations from myself and  others and I always feel I need to be perfect.

3) What benefits does fear hold?

I feel fear protects me.

4) Are most of your fears rational or irrational?

A bit of both.

5) What does bravery mean to you?

Bravery means overcoming fears.

6) How do you show courage in your day to day life?

Being able to get up and do tasks that I never thought I could do, or I don't want to do.

7) Where does courage come from or how do you acquire it?

I think we all have courage and comes from our inner self and  it helps a lot when you have others who encourage you. 

😎 Do fear and courage/bravery coexist?

Yes

9) What do you think the intent of the forums is?"

 I think these forums are intended to help people overcome their depression and anxiety by sharing stories swapping ideas and getting encouragement from others.

10) What do you want to get out of the forums personally?

I want to be challenged and get all the help I can get from these forums, so I can lead a better lifestyle.

Thank you so much for challenging me and making me think.

Sparkles

[Little_Rascal]

The response from the forum reinforces the idea, for me, that other people don't need to be burdened with my issues, I have a potty mouth and am out of line and and that I am in limbo ... too sick but not sick enough.

Jacques, you sseem more relaxed, but I am pretty detached so I could be wrong.  YOU should be proud 🙂 I used to live in the country for a bit a loved it.  But I need some noise at night 

I'm not sure how I go about going to hospital but the business is busy so my bf is distracted, I feel my mum is poison and I don't trust anyone. 

Ok is better than bad, right sparkles? And clearance is good

[jacques]

Hi LR,

Please don't think that way, i feel i am a burden too, but you and i need somewhere to vent and to get things off our mind, please continue to talk here, i like talking to you and i will try to respond to your problems as best i can, i am frightened of saying the wrong thing to you, but i wil try.

i am not more relaxed, just more comfortable talking to you, Sparkles and Amber, i can't say a lot, i don't speak to anyone else, so you three are all i have....

i need noise too, i used to leave my TV on all night for distraction and too control my anxiety, now i have a smart phone i put on Tara Brach podcast on it and let it run all night.  anything to make me not think, i even listen to music all day just to not think, thinking leads me to anxiety so i try not to think too much, one problem i have is too much time, so i have plenty of time to revise my life and give myself panic attacks.

if you feel that you need hospital tratment, you should think about it, your health and safty are more important, i know the business is busy, but you need to look after yourself first, and if you are better, you will be able to help out more at th business.  i hope i am not oversteping the mark by saying any of this, please ignore it if it offends.

i have a problem with trust, i trust no one and have not for a long time, i have been burned so many times no one by darkest secrets for fear they will turn on me, trusting no one has kept me safe and stopes my life becomming complicated, so i understand where you are comming from.

Please Take care, give the ferrets a cuddl for me and i hope things get better soon.

Bye

Jacques